“So... got any problems, troubles, conundrums, or any other sort of issues major or minor that I as a good friend could help you solve?”
"那么......有什么问题、麻烦、难题，或者其他大大小小的问题，我作为一个好朋友可以帮你解决吗?"
I stood in the middle of 99. Blood dripped from the corpses of my slain stable. They lay in heaps and piles all around me as I gasped for air. Daisy had been the hardest to kill, just like last time. But in the end, I’d chewed her back leg apart with shotgun blasts. Then it was two to the head and I was done. And now I trotted down towards the living quarters.
我站在99年的中间。鲜血从我被杀死的马厩的尸体上滴下来。当我喘气的时候，它们成堆地堆在我周围。跟上次一样，黛西是最难杀的。但最后，我用霰弹枪把她的后腿撕成两半。然后头部中了两枪，我就完了。现在我小跑着向生活区走去。
One door lock security override. Two shots. One override. Two shots. One override. Three shots. I was running low on bullets. One override. Two shots. One override… this was getting monotonous. I needed to start mixing it up. I used whatever blunt object I could lift. I tossed Rivets screaming into the recycler. That’d teach her. I finally nailed Midnight. The males I killed quick and clean.
一个门锁安全覆盖。两枪。一个超驰装置。两枪。一个超驰装置。三枪。我的子弹快用完了。一个超驰装置。两枪。一次覆盖...越来越单调了。我需要把它们混在一起。我用了我能举起的任何钝器。我尖叫着把铆钉扔进了回收机。这是她的教训。我终于搞定了午夜。我干净利落地杀了那些男人。
Finally, I found the last PipBuck tag. The little pink filly wept and begged me not to kill her. Really, I shouldn’t. I’d saved one, hadn’t I?
最后，我找到了最后一个PipBuck标签。粉红色的小姑娘哭着求我不要杀她。真的，我不应该。我救了一个，不是吗？
No. No I hadn’t.
没有。不，我没有。
I stared at the blood covering them; at my butchered home.
我凝视着覆盖在他们身上的鲜血，凝视着我那被屠宰的家。
One gun… one shot… no Blackjack.
一把枪...一发子弹...没有黑杰克。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
The sheets were warm and soft; they must have used magic to freshen them up. I stared up at images of pastel pegasus fillies romping and playing together in the clouds. Frozen eyes stared back down at me from the ceiling. There were more
床单又暖又软，他们一定是用了魔法使它们焕然一新。我抬头看着那些柔和的飞马小姑娘们在云中嬉戏玩耍的画面。凝固的眼睛从天花板上向下凝视着我。还有更多
on the walls, gamboling in picturesque green glades with cute little bunnies, squirrels, and birds. Gentle music was piped in from somewhere, along with the sound of birds chirping. Soft bed. Soft sheets. Soft room.
墙上，在风景如画的绿色林间空地上跳跃着可爱的小兔子、松鼠和小鸟。不知从哪里传来轻柔的音乐，伴随着鸟儿的啁啾声。软床。柔软的床单。软房间。
At least the restraints on my legs were something firm. Something I could jerk rhythmically against to keep myself from drowning in pastel pony fuzziness.
至少我腿上的约束带是牢固的。一些我可以有节奏地抽搐以避免自己淹没在柔和的小马绒毛中的东西。
There was a knock, and I halted my tugging. I didn’t look towards the door carefully molded to appear to blend into the space between two trees. I didn’t move or breathe as I lay there. The door opened quietly, and in walked the pale teal pegasus mare with her wings outstretched, a tray balanced on them. “How are we today, Miss Fish? Feeling better, I hope? Feeling lucid?” she asked nervously, licking her lips.
有人敲门，我停了下来。我没有看向那扇经过精心塑造的门，以显得与两棵树之间的空间融为一体。我躺在那里，没有动也没有呼吸。门静静地打开了，苍白的水鸭状的母马走了进来，张开翅膀，托盘放在上面。"我们今天过得怎么样，鱼小姐？我希望你感觉好点了？感觉清醒吗?"她紧张地问，舔着嘴唇。
“I’m fine, Harpica,” I said quietly. “Call me Blackjack.”
"我很好，哈皮卡,"我平静地说。"叫我黑杰克吧。"
She swallowed. “You know we’re not supposed to call you that, Miss Fish. Please don’t yell at me…” She shrank back in anticipation. I simply lay there patiently, sighing. They really knew how to pick the perfect guard; a tough one I could resist, but this... She slid the tray onto my lap, not taking her eyes off me. She carefully tied down the tray and then slowly worked levers to lift me into a sitting position. Pudding served in a wax paper bowl. No spoons. Not after the last escape attempt. Harpica had been the only nurse brave enough to feed me after what I’d done to Caprice’s eye. “Can I feed myself?” I asked, trying to resist the urge to pull on my restraints. That made them all nervous.
她咽了口唾沫。"你知道我们不应该这么叫你的，菲什小姐。请不要对我大喊大叫......"她满怀期待地往后退缩。我只是耐心地躺在那里，叹着气。他们真的知道如何挑选一个完美的后卫，一个我可以抗拒的强硬的后卫，但是这个...她把托盘放在我的膝盖上，没有把她的眼睛从我身上移开。她小心翼翼地把托盘系好，然后慢慢地用杠杆把我举到坐着的位置。装在蜡纸碗里的布丁。没有勺子。在最后一次试图逃跑之后就没有了。在我对Caprice的眼睛做了那些事之后，Harpica是唯一一个有勇气喂我的护士。"我能自己吃饭吗?"我问道，努力克制住想要拉开我的束缚带的冲动。这让他们都很紧张。
The pegasus swallowed, looking around. There was a tiny little ping. A ‘yes’ tone. Some of the eyes painted on the walls were more literal than others. “O… okay. Please be good, Miss Fish,” she begged softly.
飞马吞噬了我，环顾四周。有一个小小的叮当声。答案是肯定的。一些画在墙上的眼睛比其他的更加平实。"好的。.好吧。"请乖一点，费什小姐,"她轻声恳求道。
“I promise. I’ll be good.” No trying to smash heads in with food trays or choke my nurses with lime gelatin. She carefully reached down to unstrap my forehooves with her mouth, never taking her eyes off me. Slowly, she undid the padded cuffs on each, and I pulled them free. I rubbed forelegs--my flesh and blood limbs--a moment before I slowly lifted the bowl to my mouth. Not as neat as I’d hoped, but it was better than being spoon-fed. The rice pudding tasted good. Probably laced with chemicals or something.
"我保证。我会乖乖的。"不要试图用食物托盘砸烂我的头或者用石灰凝胶噎死我的护士。她小心翼翼地弯下腰，用嘴巴解开我的前蹄，目不转睛地盯着我。慢慢地，她解开了每个人的袖口，我把它们解开了。我揉了揉前腿----我的血肉之躯----然后慢慢地把碗端到嘴边。虽然没有我希望的那么整洁，但总比被人用勺子喂要好。这米饭布丁味道不错。可能加了化学物质什么的。
“The doctor would like to do another session with you. If you think you’re okay with it,” Harpica said quietly. “There will be a concert in the courtyard rose
"医生想再给你做一次检查。如果你认为你能接受的话,"哈皮卡平静地说。"院子里的玫瑰园里将举行一场音乐会
garden, if you’d like to attend.” And if I behave myself during the session. That was always implicit: no escape attempts. No trying to contact my friends. No attacking my captors. It was time to play along.
花园，如果你想参加的话如果我在治疗过程中表现良好。这一点总是含蓄的:没有越狱的企图。不要试图联系我的朋友。不准攻击抓我的人。是时候合作了。
I didn’t answer. I simply nodded once.
我没有回答。我只是点了点头。
She carefully took the plastic tray and empty bowl away, placing them back on her wings and stepping back from the bed. I simply lay there. See what a nice, polite pony I was? Two earth pony mare orderlies came in, standing by as the teal pegasus quietly undid the straps on my hind legs. None of them dared touch the magic-inhibiting ring on my horn. Smokey and Cuffs watched for the slightest chance I’d try something as Harpica got me out of bed and changed me, washed me, and then put me in the mobile restraint harness, a tight collection of straps and rings snug enough that I could hobble around while running was still all but impossible, let alone fighting. They locked my forehooves together for extra safety while handling me.
她小心翼翼地把塑料托盘和空碗拿走，把它们放回翅膀上，然后从床上退下来。我只是躺在那里。看到我是多么漂亮，多么有礼貌的小马了吗？两个地球上的马匹护理员走了进来，站在旁边，蓝绿色的天鹅悄悄地解开了我后腿上的带子。他们谁也不敢碰我号角上的魔法抑制环。哈皮卡把我从床上叫起来，给我换了衣服，给我洗了澡，然后把我放进移动安全带里。他们把我的前蹄锁在一起，以便在搬运我时更加安全。
Smokey went and fetched the wheelchair as Bluebelle stepped in from the hall to check the buckles. “Heard y’all find this kinky…” she snickered. Harpica’s eyes popped wide, and she opened her mouth to give a warning. There was a soft ‘pong’ noise of alarm sounding in the room and the hall, triggered by the unseen watchers. The blue earth pony’s eyes popped wide as she staggered back and Smokey rushed in.
当布鲁贝尔从大厅走进来检查搭扣时，斯莫基去取轮椅。"听说你们都觉得这很古怪......"她窃笑着说。哈皮卡的眼睛睁得大大的，她张开嘴发出警告。房间和大厅里传来一阵轻微的"乒乓"的警报声，是那些看不见的人引起的。当她摇摇晃晃地走回来的时候，那匹蓝色的大地小马的眼睛睁得大大的，斯莫基冲了进来。
I just sat there. “What? It’s not like I’d bite her ear off or something.” That was so last week. Nevertheless, Smokey and Cuffs put the bit in my mouth and muzzled me. Better safe than sorry.
我只是坐在那里。"什么？我又不会咬掉她的耳朵什么的。"这都是上周的事了。尽管如此，斯莫基和克夫还是把钻头放进我嘴里，给我戴上了口罩。小心驶得万年船。
I sat back in the chair as Harpica pushed me down halls decorated with molded trees sticking branches out overhead. We passed the fountain where I’d almost drowned Lighthooves; the pegasus orderly had made a comment about me liking the taste of pony. There was calm and happy music being piped in as the doctors, nurses, and orderlies took care of the other patients. I was wheeled slowly past the nurses’ station where Scalpel, Bonesaw, and Triage conferred with each other in their white lab coats.
我靠在椅子上，哈皮卡推着我穿过装饰着塑造过的树木的大厅，树枝从头顶伸出来。我们经过一个喷泉，我差点淹死在那里;飞马号的勤务兵说我喜欢小马的味道。当医生、护士和护理人员照顾其他病人时，播放着平静而快乐的音乐。我被推着缓缓经过护士站，在那里，身穿白色实验室大衣的手术刀、骨扫和分诊医生相互交换意见。
Roses watched me with terrified eyes; I saw that they still hadn’t finished healing her horn yet. She was talking with the chaplain, and the black unicorn looked at me with worried, soulful golden eyes. I looked away; he tried to visit
罗斯惊恐地看着我，我看到他们还没有治好她的角。她正在和牧师说话，黑独角兽用忧虑深情的金色眼睛看着我。我转过脸去，他想去看我
me as often as possible, but I couldn’t handle the guilt. I saw Charity going around selling Cutie Mark Crusader Cookies from a small table by the front door next to a wary-looking Bottlecap. I’d tried talking with them a few days ago; they shrank back as we passed by.
但是我无法承受这种负罪感。我看到Charity在前门旁边的一张小桌子上到处卖可爱的马克十字军饼干，旁边是一个看起来很警惕的Bottlecap。几天前我试着和他们交谈，当我们经过时，他们缩了回去。
This hospital was built in the shape of an enormous horseshoe, and now Harpica pushed me through the central courtyard. I glanced up at the massive crag of Black Pony Mountain glittering in the noon sun as it loomed overhead. Through the gap in the building I could look out at the Hoofington Core. The dark towers glittered in the bright sunlight; their black surfaces seemed to capture the light and gather it in the sharp corners. It was the first time I’d seen the city as anything other than an ominous collection of broken monoliths. Maybe the imposing obsidian mountain had been inspiration for the design...
这家医院建成了一个巨大的马蹄形，现在哈皮卡推着我穿过中央庭院。我抬头看了一眼正午阳光下闪闪发光的黑马驹山巨大的峭壁。透过建筑物的缝隙，我可以看到HoofingtonCore。黑暗的塔楼在明亮的阳光下闪闪发光;它们黑色的表面似乎捕捉到了光线，并把光线聚集在尖锐的角落里。这是我第一次看到这座城市不再是一堆破碎的巨石，而是一个不祥的集合。也许壮观的黑曜石山脉是设计的灵感来源..。
High above the city, huge blocks of clouds were being collected and shipped off to the south and west. I saw the round wheel of Thunderhead; the horizontal torus was a buzzing hive of skywagons and other air traffic. From the center of the Core a single dark spire jutted higher and higher into the air. It drew the eye ever upwards towards the dark blob at the apex. Shadowbolt Tower wasn’t measured in feet or stories but in miles.
在城市的高空，巨大的云块被收集起来，运往南部和西部。我看到了Thunderhead的圆形车轮;水平的环面是一群嗡嗡作响的空中马车和其他空中交通工具。从核心的中心，一个黑色的尖顶向空中越升越高。它不断地把眼睛向上吸引到顶端的黑色斑点。影螺塔不是用英尺或层来衡量，而是用英里来衡量。
Suddenly there was a loud cry of a siren that rose like a low, mournful wail. The noise made the ponies take cover behind stout curved walls of marble. They didn’t run. Many looked more annoyed than scared as patients were pushed behind the walls. “Ugh, again?” Smokey muttered. “Why don’t they just vaporize Dawn Bay already?” I looked at a stone squirrel atop the molded stone barrier, its camera eye slowly swiveling to focus on us.
突然，响起了一声警报器的大叫，像是一声低沉、哀伤的哀号。喧闹声使得小马躲在坚固的大理石弧形墙后面。他们没有逃跑。当病人被推到墙后时，许多人看起来更像是生气而不是害怕。"呃，又来了?"斯莫基咕哝着。"他们为什么不直接把黎明湾蒸发掉呢?"我看着模压石屏障顶上的一只石松鼠，它的摄像机眼睛慢慢地转过来对准我们。
The blue mare shrugged. “You know how it is. We use our megaspells first and they’ll fire their missiles and stuff. Hell, I heard that one Marauder say they’re hesitatin’ ta blast the zebra beachhead ‘cause it’ll make their rockets fly.”
蓝色的母马耸耸肩。"你知道是怎么回事。我们首先使用我们的巨型防空导弹，然后他们就会发射导弹之类的东西。该死，我听说一个掠夺者说他们犹豫要不要炸掉斑马滩头阵地，因为那会让他们的火箭飞起来。"
“Well, that and there’s mountains in the way,” Smokey muttered.
"嗯，那个，路上还有山呢,"斯莫基咕哝着。
“As if that matters to the Hoof. Heard talk that if they put all the juice from the dams and power plants into the city they could just melt the mountains between here and Dawn Bay. We could cook them right off the coast and back across the strait.”
"好像这对霍夫很重要似的。听说如果他们把水坝和发电厂的电力输入城市，他们可以融化这里和黎明湾之间的山脉。我们可以直接在海岸烹饪，然后回到海峡对岸。"
“No way,” Smokey countered, “there’s not enough juice in all of Equestria for
"不可能,"斯莫基反驳道,"整个Equestria的电力供不应求
that.” Then she paused. “Is there?”
那个然后她停顿了一下。"有吗?"
“Pfft. This is the Hoof. There ain’t nothin’ we can’t do,” Cuffs drawled as she peeked out around the barrier. “What do you think? Dragon raid? Or think those stripes are pushin’ with more tin zebras?”
"噗。这是霍夫。没有什么是我们不能做的,"克伦慢吞吞地说，她偷看了周围的障碍。""你认为呢？恐龙袭击？还是认为这些条纹上有更多的斑马?"
“Dunno. I mean, last year, the news was talking about zebras on the verge of being wiped out. Now they’ve got tons,” Smokey muttered. “Guess Image got their story wrong.”
"不知道。我的意思是，去年，新闻报道了斑马濒临灭绝。现在他们有很多,"斯莫基咕哝着说。"看来图像把他们的故事搞错了。"
“Please don’t sound an evacuation. Please don’t sound an evacuation,” Harpica whimpered over and over.
"请不要发出疏散的声音。请不要发出疏散的声音,"哈皮卡一遍又一遍地呜咽着。
Smokey snorted in soft scorn. “Relax, Feathers. It’s only a level one alert. We haven’t had to evacuate into the city in years. Hoofington can’t fall,” the red mare said as she looked towards the Core where an ominous hum was starting. Green lights began to glow atop the towers. Emerald lightning gathered and flickered in the air around the buildings as the sound grew. “Ooooh, we’re in for a light sh--”
斯莫基轻蔑地哼了一声。"放松点，费哲。这只是一级警报。我们已经好几年没有疏散到城里去了。胡芬顿不能倒下,"红色母马说，她看向核心，那里不祥的嗡嗡声开始。绿色的灯光开始在塔顶上发光。随着声音的增长，翡翠色的闪电聚集在建筑物周围的空气中，闪烁不定。"哦，我们要来点......"
A crackling buzz popped in the air over and over again. Green light filled the air as magic beams swept out from the tops of the towers out to the southeast, disappearing out of view. For thirty seconds they flickered back and forth. Then they went out. A second later a series of loud beeps sounded.
一阵噼里啪啦的嗡嗡声在空中一遍又一遍地响着。空气中充满了绿色的光芒，魔法的光束从高楼的顶部向东南方向掠去，消失在视野之外。他们来回闪烁了三十秒。然后他们出去了。过了一会儿，一连串响亮的哔哔声响了起来。
“All clear. Heh. Dragons, extra crispy,” chuckled Cuffs. “Wonder how dragon tastes…”
"一切正常。呵呵。龙，特别脆,"袖口笑着说。"不知道龙的味道如何..."
“Ew…” Harpica said in disgust as she looked towards the city. From the tower streaked a wedge of crackling black lightning clouds heading to the southeast. A single rainbow stripe raced down the middle. “Oh! Look! It’s Rainbow Dash!”
"呃......"哈皮卡厌恶地望着这座城市说。从塔上射出一股劈啪作响的黑色闪电云向东南方向移动。一道彩虹从中间划过。"哦！看！是彩虹冲刺!"
“Feathers is a fangirl,” Smokey teased, and I looked over at Harpica flushing and lowering her eyes in embarrassment. I heard Smokey move behind me and immediately slammed back in the wheelchair. I didn’t know what I hit, but I felt the pushbar on the back connect solidly with something. The wheelchair overbalanced and I smacked onto my back, looking up at the red mare covering the end of her nose, scowling down at me as blood trickled around her hoof.
"羽毛是个女粉丝,"斯莫基开玩笑地说，我看着Harpica脸红，尴尬地低下了眼睛。我听到斯莫基在我身后移动，立刻坐在轮椅上摔了回去。我不知道我撞到了什么，但是我感觉到后面的推杆和什么东西牢固地连接在一起。轮椅失去了平衡，我拍了拍自己的背，抬头看着覆盖在鼻子末端的红色母马，怒视着我，鲜血在她的蹄子周围流淌。
“Is it broken?” Harpica asked in concern as Smokey glared down at me.
"它坏了吗?"当斯莫基瞪着我的时候，哈皮卡关切地问。
“Excuse me. Do you need any help?” asked a familiar-sounding voice. I looked up at the emerald-maned Marauder, the stallion who’d gone seven rounds with Rarity. Vanity stood by, looking down at me in concern. Behind him were the blue pegasus, Jetstream, and the yellow earth pony stallion, Echo. The mare certainly looked like she’d seen much better days as she stared off into space while Echo gently nudged her shoulders. Her eyes were empty things, her purple mane was a complete disheveled mess, and as I watched, tiny blue feathers came off her wings.
"对不起。你需要帮忙吗?"一个熟悉的声音问道。我抬头看着那个戴着祖母绿帽子的掠夺者，这匹种马已经跟着稀少打了七个回合了。虚荣站在一旁，关切地低头看着我。在他身后的是蓝色的飞马、喷气流和黄色地球上的小马驹Echo。当艾可轻轻地推她的肩膀时，这匹母马凝视着太空，看起来好像已经度过了美好的日子。她的眼睛是空洞的东西，她的紫色鬃毛是一个完全凌乱的混乱，正如我看到，微小的蓝色羽毛从她的翅膀。
“Thank you, sir. We’re fine. This is just one of our more difficult patients,” Cuffs said. Vanity’s horn glowed as he easily lifted me and set the wheelchair down pat.
"谢谢您，先生。我们很好。"这只是我们的一个更困难的病人,"袖铐说。瓦妮特轻而易举地把我举起来，轻轻拍下轮椅，他的号角闪闪发光。
“Really? I’m glad to hear it’s not Jetstream anymore,” Vanity said as he looked back at the blue pegasus.
"真的吗？"我很高兴听到它不再是Jetstream了,"瓦妮特回头看着蓝色的飞马说。
She looked at Echo beside her. “Echo? Have you radioed in to command yet?
她看着身边的艾可。"回声？你用无线电呼叫指挥官了吗？
We need a search party to find our missing ponies. We just left them out there!
我们需要一个搜索队来寻找我们丢失的小马。我们把他们丢在那儿了！
They need us!”
他们需要我们!"
The small yellow earth pony looked at her, then at Vanity. He shook his head somberly and forced a sickly smile. “Yeah. Sure. I’m sure they’ll scramble a search party any second.”
小黄地球小马看着她，然后又看着瓦妮特。他忧郁地摇摇头，勉强露出病态的微笑。"是的。当然。我敢肯定，他们随时都会派出搜索队。"
“Good. Can’t leave them behind. Damned stripes will kill them,” she said as she stared at nothing, then gestured with her hoof. “Twist, I need you to find Big Macintosh. Applesnack, you and Doof up on the roof. We might need covering fire. Psalm… keep an eye out for our missing. We have to bring him home,” she whimpered as she hung her head. Little threads of her mane drifted down atop her shed blue feathers. “We have to find him.”
"很好。不能丢下他们。该死的条纹会杀死他们的,"她说，她盯着什么，然后用她的蹄子做了个手势。"托斯特，我需要你去找大麦金托什。苹果包，你和杜夫去屋顶。我们可能需要火力掩护。诗篇......留意我们的思念。我们必须把他带回家,"她低下头，呜咽着说。一缕缕鬃毛飘落在蓝色羽毛上。"我们必须找到他。"
I watched her out of the corner of my eye, trying to ignore the cameras tracking us. Echo moved closer, looking over at Jetstream. “Can’t you help, sir?” he quietly asked Vanity as he fiddled with his PipBuck.
我用眼角的余光看着她，试图忽略那些跟踪我们的摄像头。Echo走近了一些，看着Jetstream。"你不能帮忙吗，先生?"他一边摆弄着他的皮布克，一边平静地问瓦妮特。
I strained my ears to hear Vanity’s tired voice. “We’ve modified, restored, and removed her memories too much already, Echo. She can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. This is her helped.”
我竖起耳朵听瓦妮特疲惫的声音。"我们已经对她的记忆进行了过多的修改、恢复和删除，Echo。她再也分不清什么是真的什么是假的了。这就是她得到的帮助。"
“Twist! I think there are zebra infiltrators in the bushes. Big Macintosh! Where
"扭扭！我想灌木丛里有斑马渗透者。大麦金托什！在哪里
are you? Applesnack, cover Twist! Find him! Where’d he go? Where is he?” she shouted as she raced to and fro across the courtyard.
是吗？苹果包，掩护特斯特！找到他！他去哪儿了？他在哪里?"她一边跑着穿过院子一边喊着。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
Once we’d crossed the courtyard and gone inside, we took an elevator up two floors and reached the offices and therapy rooms where they were trying to ‘help’ us. I closed my eyes as they wheeled me in, waiting for the doors decorated with four stars to close. I could hear the soft ticks of the clock pendulum in the corner. Glass cover; possible weapons. I could smell the leather-bound books on the bookcase; bludgeons and potential shields. There was a rustle and the sound of an envelope being opened. Letter opener. That’s what I needed.
当我们穿过院子走进去的时候，我们乘电梯上了两层楼，来到了办公室和治疗室，他们试图在那里'帮助'我们。他们推我进去的时候，我闭上了眼睛，等着装饰着四颗星的门关上。我能听到角落里钟摆轻轻的滴答声。玻璃罩，可能是武器。我可以闻到书架上的皮面书，棍棒和潜在的盾牌的味道。传来一阵沙沙声和信封被打开的声音。开信刀。这正是我需要的。
I opened my eyes and looked at Dr. Trueblood. The maroon doctor just smiled at me, his hoof on a tape recorder. He pushed a button, and it made the ripping noise again. “You were just thinking about snatching my letter opener to kill me, weren’t you?” he asked as his horn glowed and he removed my bridle. He looked so calm, nice, even, in his sweater vest as he smiled and tapped his hooves before him. I’ll give him his props, he was a handsome stallion. There were pictures of his family on the shelf behind him.
我睁开眼睛，看着特鲁布拉德医生。那个栗色的医生只是对我微笑，他的蹄子踏在一台录音机上。他按了一下按钮，按钮又发出撕扯的声音。"你只是想抢走我的开信刀杀了我，是不是?"他问，他的角发光，他解开了我的缰绳。他穿着毛线背心，微笑着轻拍着面前的蹄子，看起来是那么的平静，甚至是那么的友好。我真佩服他，他是一匹英俊的种马。他身后的架子上有他家人的照片。
“No. I was thinking what a nice day it is today. And how nice it would be to go to the concert,” I said in slow, even and carefully controlled words. See how nice I was being? Nice.
"没有。我在想今天天气真好。如果能去看演唱会该多好啊,"我用缓慢、平稳、小心翼翼的语言说道。看到我有多好了吗？很好。
If I moved fast enough, lunged before Smokey and Cuffs grabbed me, I might be able to tear his throat out with my teeth.
如果我动作够快，在Smokey和Cuffs抓住我之前冲过去，我也许能用牙齿撕裂他的喉咙。
He adjusted his glasses and pulled a file out of his desk. “Well. Such lucidity must be rewarded,” he said as he opened it up. “You’ve been with us for a few months, and it’s nice to have a civil conversation with you. Since we’ve started your treatment, you’ve been responding nicely. No relapses to ‘The Wasteland’?”
他调整了一下眼镜，从桌子里拿出一个文件夹。"好吧。如此清醒的头脑必须得到回报,"他一边打开信一边说。"你已经在我们这里工作了几个月，很高兴能和你进行一次有礼貌的谈话。自从我们开始治疗以来，你的反应一直很好。没有重蹈《荒原》的覆辙?"
“No. I’ve been here,” I replied softly. Of course, I had no idea where ‘here’ was. Holograms? Some sort of incredibly elaborate spell? Robots? Maybe I’d been captured by the Harbingers and taken to some facility for… who knew what? The last thing I remembered was running into a whole band of Seekers out in the rain and then… here. Now they were playing some kind of crazy mind game. It
"没有。"我来过这里,"我轻声回答。当然，我不知道这里是什么地方。全息图？某种难以置信的复杂咒语？机器人？也许我被先知抓住了，被带到什么地方去了...谁知道呢？我记得的最后一件事就是在雨中遇到了一群搜寻者，然后......在这里。现在他们在玩一种疯狂的心理游戏。它
had to be that…
肯定是..。
Because the alternative was that I was fucking batshit crazy, and that possibility scared me more than anything else.
因为另一种选择就是我他妈的疯了，这种可能性比其他任何东西都更让我害怕。
“Indeed,” he replied quietly as he flipped through the pages. “You’re an interesting case, to be sure, given everything that’s happened to you, Go Fish. Mother a distinguished captain in the Hoofington City Guard. Father deceased. Mother remarried, then divorced.” He turned the pages. “You yourself were an initiate to the city guard until the… incident. Enough said about that at the moment,” he said quickly and evenly, but Smokey put her hoof on my shoulder as I tensed. “After the incident, you were brought to us and told us all about how you grew up in a stable… were attacked and chased by some sort of monster… destroyed your own home… and were then wandering around a ‘Wasteland’ wrecked by some horrific disaster.”
"的确,"他一边轻轻地翻着书页，一边回答道。"毫无疑问，你是一个有趣的案例，考虑到发生在你身上的一切，去钓鱼吧。母亲是胡芬顿市警卫队的杰出队长。父亲去世。母亲再婚，然后离婚。"他翻着书页。"你本人是城市警卫队的一名新成员，直到......事件发生。这话说得够多了,"他急促而平静地说，但我紧张起来时，斯莫基把她的蹄子放在了我的肩上。"事件发生后，你被带到我们这里，告诉我们你是如何在一个马厩里长大的......被某种怪物攻击和追逐......摧毁了你自己的家......然后在一个被某种可怕的灾难摧毁的'荒原'里徘徊。"
“Something like that,” I muttered.
"差不多吧,"我咕哝着说。
“Some of the highlights…” he said as he lifted three pieces of paper before him. “There was a government conspiracy at the highest levels called the O.I.A., pieces of cursed ‘starmetal’ that sucked the souls out of ponies, and some sort of evil lurking at the heart of the city. You were hunted and persecuted by numerous groups. You made friends with Morning Glory, P-21, Rampage, and others… some of whom joined you in your travels. Oh, and I was an undead monster behind most of it.” He chuckled as he lowered the papers. “I particularly like that bit.”
"一些重点......"他边说边举起面前的三张纸。"最高级别的政府阴谋被称为o.i.a.，一些被诅咒的'星际金属'的碎片吸走了小马的灵魂，还有一些潜伏在城市中心的邪恶势力。你们被无数组织追捕和迫害。你与牵牛花，P-21，狂暴，和其他人交了朋友...其中一些人加入了你的旅程。哦，而且在大多数情况下，我是一个不死的怪物。"他放下文件时轻声笑了起来。"我特别喜欢这一点。"
“You would,” I replied, narrowing my eyes as I jerked reflexively against my harness and chair restraints.
"你会的,"我回答，眯起眼睛，条件反射地对着我的安全带和椅子束缚物抽搐了一下。
He sighed and pressed his hooves together. “Since you’ve arrived here, you’ve proven to be the most hostile patient in Happyhorn Gardens’s history. Numerous escape attempts. Assaults on the staff. If it weren’t for your condition… well, it wouldn’t be fair to hold you responsible given your mental state. Still, after what you did to Nurse Roses, not to mention poor Doof...”
他叹了口气，把蹄子合拢在一起。"自从你来到这里，你已经被证明是乐角花园历史上最有敌意的病人。无数次越狱尝试。对员工的攻击。如果不是因为你的身体状况...考虑到你的精神状态，让你承担责任是不公平的。不过，在你那样对待罗斯护士之后，更不用说可怜的杜夫了......"
There was an awkward shuffling behind me as I kept my eyes on his. “Well, he was trying to kill me at the time.”
当我盯着他的时候，我身后传来一阵尴尬的拖曳声。"当时他想杀了我。"
“He was your orderly at the time,” the maroon stallion countered as he lifted a
"他当时是你们的勤务兵,"这匹栗色种马反驳道，他举起了一只
peppermint candy and slipped it into his mouth, “and he was the one who was willing to climb all the way up onto that ledge to get you down safely.” He smiled evenly. “There’s quite a few in the Ministry of Peace who think we should simply scour away your mind entirely, a complete magical lobotomization for our protection and so that you could have a second chance. Traditional therapy techniques simply aren’t working, and our attempts at modifying your memories only seem to be making things worse.” He tapped his hooves together for a few seconds, waiting for my reaction. I didn’t give him one.
他把薄荷糖(电影)塞进嘴里,"他是那个愿意爬上那个岩架把你安全地放下来的人。"他平静地微笑着。"和平部里有不少人认为我们应该彻底清除你的思想，用一种完全神奇的脑叶白质切除术来保护我们，这样你就有了第二次机会。传统的治疗方法根本不起作用，我们试图修改你的记忆，但似乎只会让事情变得更糟。"他用蹄子轻敲了几秒钟，等着我的反应。我没有给他。
Finally, he sighed and smiled tiredly. “Fortunately, your growing lucidity these last few weeks has put those plans on hold. You’re starting to come to grips with reality. It’s our hope you can be made whole again to be a productive, happy, healthy young mare,” he said with a sigh and a look of genuine concern. “Hopefully, once you’re cured, you’ll be able to atone for what you’ve done.”
最后，他叹了口气，疲惫地笑了笑。"幸运的是，在过去的几个星期里，你的头脑越来越清醒，使那些计划搁浅了。你开始面对现实。我们希望你能重新完整起来，成为一匹高产、快乐、健康的年轻母马。"他叹了口气，带着真诚的关心说道。"希望，一旦你被治愈，你就能够弥补你所做的一切。"
I closed my eyes, imagining dead ponies I’d killed, who’d died from my mistakes. They weren’t just bits of crazy dredged up from my head. I’d killed them.
我闭上眼睛，想象着我杀死的死去的小马，它们死于我的错误。它们不仅仅是从我脑海中挖掘出来的一些疯狂的东西。我杀了他们。
“Right,” I replied flatly, “except I don’t believe you. This is obviously a ploy by somepony. Maybe you’re with the Harbingers, trying to get me to work along. Or maybe you made a backup of Chimera somewhere and copied yourself and me and are trying to get something out of me. Or the Goddess got bored and finally decided to add a little Blackjack to her Unity. I don’t know which.”
"是的,"我直截了当地回答,"只是我不相信你。这显然是某人的策略。也许你是"先驱者"的人，想让我一起工作。或者你在什么地方做了一个奇美拉的备份，复制了你自己和我，试图从我这里得到些什么。或者女神觉得无聊了，最后决定在她的联合牌中加一点黑杰克。我不知道是哪一个。"
He arched his brows. “Really? Are those really the only options you’ll consider?” I glowered at him, and he sighed again. “Let me ask you this. Which is more likely? That you are the sole survivor of a doomed stable after a horrific apocalypse, carrying a mysterious PipBuck, struggling against impossible odds as you unravel a plot centuries old, or that you’re the victim of some psychological trauma that’s resulted in the creation of a post-apocalyptic wasteland where you could be the protagonist blasting and shooting everyone who has caused you harm?”
他皱起眉头。"真的吗？这真的是你唯一会考虑的选择吗?"我怒视着他，他又叹了口气。""我问你。哪一种可能性更大？你是在一场可怕的灾难之后，在一个注定失败的马厩里唯一的幸存者，背着一个神秘的PipBuck，在破解一个几个世纪前的阴谋时，与不可能的困难做斗争，还是你是某种心理创伤的受害者，这种创伤导致了后世界末日的荒原，在那里，你可以成为主角，枪杀所有伤害你的人?"
I scowled, not prepared to even entertain the idea that everything I knew was a lie. I remembered Jetstream in the courtyard, thought of me chattering to friends that didn’t exist. The problem was that it was such a seductive notion. I might not have understood what was going on, but the idea that all the shit I’d been
我皱起了眉头，甚至没有准备好接受我所知道的一切都是谎言的想法。我想起了院子里的喷气流，想起了我和不存在的朋友聊天的情景。问题是，这是一个如此诱人的想法。我可能不明白到底发生了什么，但是想到我所经历的一切
through was somehow a dream was both tempting and insulting. No more EC-1101. No more Harbingers. No more questions and mysteries I wasn’t smart enough to unravel. Just… going back to a normal life.
不知怎么的，一个梦既诱人又侮辱人。再也没有EC-1101。不再有预兆。没有更多的问题和神秘我不够聪明去解开。只是...回到正常的生活。
If everything I knew in the stable had been a lie, could I even find normal on a map anymore?
如果我在马厩里所知道的一切都是谎言，我还能在地图上找到正常吗？
He’d been saying this for days now. No matter how I cursed, insulted, or struggled, he just smiled and repeated his comments that I’d been delusional for more than a month in a psychotic break. But none of that was helping me get out of here. I needed something else. I couldn’t fight.
这话他已经说了好几天了。不管我怎么咒骂，怎么侮辱，怎么挣扎，他只是微笑着重复他的评论，说我精神崩溃已经有一个多月的妄想症了。但这些都不能帮我离开这里。我需要别的东西。我不能战斗。
I’d have to engage.
我必须参与进来。
“Not to say I even begin to believe you,” I said slowly, “but why don’t you tell me who I am and why I’m here?”
"不是说我开始相信你了,"我慢慢地说,"但你为什么不告诉我，我是谁，我为什么在这里?"
He actually looked surprised. “Who you are is fairly simple. Your name is Go Fish. You lived with your mother, Gin Rummy, in the southwest part of Hoofington overlooking the Luna Dam. Your father died when you were just a filly. You went to school at Roosehoof Academy; not a stellar student, though. Worked briefly at Megamart before you also joined the Hoofington Guard. You were stationed in Flankfurt.” With each fact, he pulled papers and photographs from the folder and set them before me. Birth records from Hoofington General. Report card and a student ID. My tax return from Megamart. A picture of me, Marmalade, and Daisy in guard barding that looked awfully similar to what I’d worn in Stable 99.
他看起来很惊讶。"你是谁相当简单。你的名字是钓鱼。你和你的母亲金拉米住在Hoofington西南部俯瞰卢纳水坝。你父亲在你还是小母马的时候就去世了。你曾在罗斯福学院上学，但不是一个优秀的学生。在你加入Hoofington警卫队之前在Megamart工作过一段时间。你驻扎在Flankfurt。"每一件事，他都从文件夹里拿出一些文件和照片，放在我面前。胡芬顿综合医院的出生记录。成绩单和学生证。我在Megamart的报税表。一张我、玛玛拉德和戴西穿着护卫服的照片，看起来和我在《马厩99》里穿的非常相似。
Fabrications? Maybe all of this was some sort of soul dream by the Goddess… except that I didn’t imagine the Goddess being this subtle. She wasn’t exactly the trickiest pony I’d come across. I closed my eyes as I frowned. I really wished that Morning Glory or P-21 were here. Even if they wouldn’t make sense in this place. “So why am I here then?” Then I saw his sad expression and frowned. “What?” He shook his head.
制造？也许所有这一切都是某种女神的灵魂梦想......除了我没有想象女神是如此微妙。她不是我见过的最狡猾的小马。我皱起眉头，闭上了眼睛。我真希望牵牛花或P-21在这里。即使他们在这个地方没有意义。"那么，我为什么会在这里?"然后我看到了他悲伤的表情，皱起了眉头。"什么?"他摇了摇头。
“Never mind. You’ve made phenomenal progress in the last few minutes. I don’t want to undermine that. We can continue this tomorrow?” the maroon unicorn said with a faint, sad smile as he folded his hooves in front of him.
"没关系。在过去的几分钟里你已经取得了显著的进步。我不想破坏它。我们明天可以继续吗?"这只栗色的独角兽在他面前折起蹄子，带着一丝悲伤的微笑说道。
“I’m not a baby.” I scowled at him. “Your crazy theory is just a crazy theory.
"我不是一个婴儿。"我皱着眉头看着他。"你的疯狂理论只是一个疯狂的理论。
Why would I imagine a world that’s even worse than this one? For all I know, if this world is real, this is probably some freaky secret project of the O.I.A. and Goldenblood.”
为什么我会想象一个比现在更糟糕的世界呢？据我所知，如果这个世界是真实的，那么这可能是o.i.a.和Goldenblood的某个诡异的秘密项目。"
“That would be quite a feat… if this Office of Interministry Affairs existed.” He trotted over to his bookcase and levitated several books, then set them down on his desk. “I’ve looked everywhere I could and consulted both the Ministry Mares and the government. No such office exists, nor does a Director Goldenblood.” He folded his hooves before him. “Like the Wasteland, the O.I.A. is something you created. Something, and somepony, to blame for the wrongness in the world.” He sighed and shook his head. “You aren’t the first one to make up dark conspiracies, but really, don’t you think that if the ministries wanted to do secret projects, they’d just do them? What would be the point of an intermediary?”
"如果这个部际事务办公室真的存在的话，这将是一个了不起的成就。"他小跑着来到书架前，把几本书悬浮起来，然后把它们放在书桌上。"我找遍了所有我能找到的地方，咨询了马雷斯部和政府。这种办公室不存在，金血主任也不存在。"他把蹄子叠起来放在面前。"就像荒原一样，o.i.a.是你创造出来的。有些东西，有些东西，要为这个世界上的错误而受到责备。"他叹了口气，摇了摇头。"你不是第一个编造黑暗阴谋的人，但说真的，难道你不认为如果政府部门想做秘密项目，他们就会去做吗？中间人有什么意义?"
I frowned and shook my head hard. It had to be a lie. It had to be, because otherwise… “Why? You still haven’t answered that. Why would I… would anypony… create the Wasteland as an escapist fantasy?”
我皱了皱眉头，使劲摇了摇头。这一定是个谎言。肯定是这样，否则......"为什么？你还没回答这个问题。我为什么要..。.任何小马...会把荒原变成逃避现实的幻想吗?"
“It’s an interesting question, to be sure. One driven by a mixture of self-aggrandizement and self-loathing. Only by understanding this dichotomy does your mental illness make sense,” he said, then gave a worried frown. “Are you certain you wish to discuss this, Go Fish?”
"毫无疑问，这是一个有趣的问题。一个被自我膨胀和自我厌恶混合物驱使的人。只有理解了这种二分法，你的精神疾病才有意义,"他说，然后忧心忡忡地皱了皱眉。"你确定你想讨论这个问题吗，钓鱼去?"
“My name is Blackjack,” I said flatly, jerking my forelegs against my restraints and making the orderlies put their hooves on my shoulders. I seethed as I looked up at my captors and then back at Trueblood. “And yeah, I do. Just keep the vocabulary around grade school level, okay?”
"我的名字是Blackjack,"我平静地说，用力拉了拉我的前腿，让看护把他们的蹄子搭在我的肩上。我怒气冲冲地抬头看了看绑架我的人，然后又看了看特鲁布拉德。"是的，我知道。把词汇量保持在小学水平，好吗?"
He seemed to be contemplating me a moment. “You just demonstrated part of it.” He lifted his left hoof. “On one hoof, you have the incompetent bungler, the failure, the humiliation and embarrassment. You’re the pony that’s not strong enough. The pony who’s not smart enough. The pony who is too reckless.” He lifted his right hoof. “And on the other, you have the paragon. A pony who is a moral, physical, and psychological powerhouse. A pony who can win and succeed at anything. A pony who is unique… exceptional… legendary, even. The dichotomy… the meeting of these two opposites--” He brought his two hooves together. “--results in a pony who believes she must suffer in a world of misery but who is uniquely able to thrive in such an environment.”
他似乎在打量我一会儿。"你只是展示了其中的一部分。"他抬起左蹄。"一只蹄子上，有无能的笨蛋、失败、屈辱和尴尬。你是一匹不够强壮的小马。不够聪明的小马。太鲁莽的小马。"他抬起右蹄。"另一方面，你有一个完美的典范。一种精神、身体和心理上都很强大的小马。一匹能在任何事情上取得成功的小马。一匹独一无二的...非凡的...甚至是传奇的小马。二分法......这两个对立面的结合——"他把他的两只蹄子放在一起。"--结果是一匹小马相信她必须在一个痛苦的世界中受苦，但是她却是唯一能够在这样的环境中茁壮成长的人。"
I screwed up my face in bafflement. Therapist ponies were crazy; that was the only explanation. “You know, you made more sense when you were trying to kill me. Why don’t you just fall back to that?”
我困惑地皱起了眉头。治疗专家的小马很疯狂，这是唯一的解释。"你知道吗，你想杀我的时候说得更有道理。你为什么不回到那个问题上来呢?"
He chuckled and lowered his hooves. “I understand if it’s difficult to understand, but it’s the only diagnosis for your particular mental illness that comes close, approximating the wild swings of manic-depressive tendencies with the extreme personality disorders of schizophrenia.”
他咯咯地笑着，放低了蹄子。"我知道这很难理解，但这是对你的特定精神疾病唯一接近的诊断，近似于狂躁抑郁倾向和精神分裂症的极端人格障碍。"
“Small words, please?” I begged with a sickly smile. I didn’t like how… sure… he was acting.
"请说点简短的话吧?"我带着病态的微笑乞求。我不喜欢他的行为。
“This Blackjack persona of yours is an identity that can superimpose these two extremes. Such a struggle exists in everypony, but it achieved such an extreme case in you that a schism from reality was inevitable. Blackjack is weak enough to get raped but strong enough to endure. Blackjack is tough enough to face down the aggression and criticism of others but weak enough not to become a tyrant. Where Go Fish was unable to handle the problems in her life, Blackjack could take them on… and take them on… and take on even more.” He sighed and ate another mint. “At least up to a certain point.”
"你的这个黑杰克角色是一个可以叠加这两个极端的身份。这样的挣扎存在于每一匹小马身上，但它在你身上达到了这样一个极端的情况，以至于与现实的分裂是不可避免的。黑杰克足够虚弱可以被强奸，但也足够强壮可以忍受。黑杰克足够强硬，能够面对别人的挑衅和批评，但也足够软弱，不至于成为一个暴君。当GoFish无法处理她生活中的问题时，Blackjack可以挑战它们...挑战它们...甚至挑战更多。"他叹了口气，又吃了一颗薄荷糖。"至少在一定程度上是这样。"
“Why?” I asked with a little frown. “What could have been so horrible in this life that the Wasteland would be an escape?” My rear hoof tapped rapidly against the footrest of the wheelchair.
"为什么?"我皱着眉头问道。"这一生中有什么可怕的事情会让荒原成为一种逃避呢?"我的后蹄快速地敲打着轮椅的脚踏板。
“To start, your father dying of cancer when you were young. As I recall, weren’t you dying of cancer at some time in the Wasteland?” he said as he got a piece of paper and cleared his throat before reading aloud. “‘I smiled at him, and he stood and trotted with me to the hospital. And they gave him a shot, and he went away forever.’” I stared at him in horror, remembering the faint striped mane of that stallion so long ago. But… that’d been in Stable 99. And he’d died because he was retired… right?
"首先，你父亲在你很小的时候就死于癌症。我记得，你不是曾经在荒原上死于癌症吗?"他边说边拿起一张纸，清了清嗓子，然后大声朗读起来。"我朝他微笑，他站起来，跟我一起跑到医院。他们给他打了一针，他就永远消失了。"我惊恐地盯着他，想起了很久以前那匹种马的淡淡的条纹鬃毛。但是...那是在稳定99年。他死了是因为他退休了......对吧？
The maroon unicorn sighed softly as he took another paper. “Then there was the sexual assault you suffered at the Hoofington Marina. Nothing nearly as dramatic as nailing your hooves to the floor. Just one classmate on a boat trip who thought ‘no means yes’ and left you feeling humiliated and ashamed. I recall you saying you witnessed a similar event. Blackjack was so gracious to her rapists that she spared them. Go Fish didn’t even have the courage to point
栗色的独角兽拿起另一张纸，轻轻地叹了口气。"还有你在胡芬顿码头遭受的性侵犯。没有什么比把蹄子钉在地板上更戏剧化的了。只是一个同学在船上旅行谁认为'不'意味着是'，让你感到羞辱和惭愧。我记得你说过你目睹了类似的事件。黑杰克对强奸她的人非常仁慈，所以她饶恕了他们。钓鱼去甚至没有勇气指出来
him out in a lineup.”
把他列为嫌疑人"
“Shut up! That’s not true!” I shouted at him, feeling the tears running down my cheeks. “I was trying to save Scotch Tape! And I did. I saved her!” I struggled frantically against my bonds.
"闭嘴！那不是真的!"我冲他喊道，感觉眼泪顺着脸颊流了下来。"我只是想保存透明胶带！我做到了。我救了她!"我疯狂地挣扎着挣扎着。
Trueblood closed the folder. “I’m sorry. Clearly this is too upsetting for you. I apologize.”
真布拉德关上了文件夹。"对不起。显然这对你来说太令人沮丧了。我道歉。"
I clenched my eyes shut. It was all a lie. One big heap of manure. It had to be. “Shut up. I don’t want your apologies.” I took several deep breaths, feeling the thudding of my heart; something I hadn’t felt in days. Slowly I looked at him; at the pity in his eyes. “Why is it that this place is filled with ponies from the Wasteland, except for my friends?”
我紧闭双眼。这一切都是谎言。一大堆肥料。肯定是的。"闭嘴。我不需要你的道歉。"我做了几次深呼吸，感觉到心脏的砰砰声，这种感觉我好几天都没有感觉到了。我慢慢地看着他，看着他眼中的怜悯。"为什么这个地方到处都是从荒原来的小马，除了我的朋友?"
“You populated your fantasy with ponies you’ve known in your life, assigning them motives and facades according to your attitudes. Some were at random, and others are the result of various traumas. Steel Rain’s violation of your body cast him in the role of villain… and you destroyed his base and power in your fantasy as you couldn’t in the real world. As for your ‘friends’,” he said solemnly, “I suspect they represent larger themes and psychological needs.” He stood and trotted around closer to me. “Given your dissatisfaction with life in general, I think that you’ve blanked out or replaced all your memories of the real world with that of the Wasteland. A place where you can simultaneously be both hero and victim. Where you can matter and affect the larger world.”
"你用生活中熟悉的小马来填充你的幻想，根据你的态度来分配它们的动机和外表。有些是随机的，有些是各种创伤的结果。钢铁雨对你身体的侵犯让他扮演了一个恶棍的角色......你在幻想中摧毁了他的基础和力量，而在现实世界中你是做不到的。"至于你的'朋友',"他严肃地说,"我怀疑他们代表着更大的主题和心理需求。"他站起来，小跑着靠近我。"考虑到你对生活总体上的不满，我认为你已经用荒原的记忆抹去或取代了你对现实世界的所有记忆。一个你可以同时成为英雄和受害者的地方。在那里，你可以发挥作用，影响更广阔的世界。"
“It’s not true. It’s not,” I said as I closed my eyes, feeling the tears flow. My friends weren’t just in my imagination. They weren’t simply a dream of what I wished were so. They were real. They were!
"这不是真的。不是的,"我闭上眼睛，感受着泪水的流淌。我的朋友不只是在我的想象中。它们不仅仅是我所希望的梦想。他们是真实的。是的！
Weren’t they?
不是吗？
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
I didn’t give in. Not right away, at least. I went to the little musical performances, talked with Trueblood about how messed up my brain was, and spent countless sleepless nights staring up at those painted pegasus fillies on the ceiling of my room. They looked dead to me… all forty-two of them. They still kept me strapped up; still didn’t trust me. After what I’d apparently done, I couldn’t blame them. The things I could remember… now embarrassed me. I
我没有屈服。至少不是现在。我去看那些小型的音乐表演，和特鲁布拉德谈论我的大脑是多么混乱，花了无数个不眠之夜盯着我房间天花板上那些画着飞马的小姑娘。他们看起来都死了...四十二个人。他们还是把我捆起来，还是不相信我。在我明显做了那些事之后，我不能责怪他们。我能记得的事情...现在让我很尴尬。一
even made a few small apologies to Smokey. It didn’t help. And I’d apparently done even more now that I wasn’t in the Wasteland anymore.
甚至还向斯莫基道了几次歉。这没有帮助。很明显，现在我不在荒原了，我做了更多的事情。
Life in Hoofington revolved around the attacks. There was an alarm for different sections of the city. Missile attacks came every few days. A buzzer meant to get inside shelters. A siren meant to evacuate and board an emergency subway to the Core. Beeps were for general alerts. The news gave constant droning reports of losses suffered by zebra forces. Sometimes I swore they repeated as if the news of the day and last week were interchangeable. There wasn’t a real feeling of time in Hoofington. There was today. Today was better than yesterday. Tomorrow would be worse if you didn’t work hard. I yearned for a date to pin down when things were. Had I been here a month? Two? Three?
Hoofington的生活就是围绕着这些袭击展开的。这个城市的不同地区都响起了警报。每隔几天就会有导弹袭击。一个蜂鸣器意味着进入庇护所。一个警报器意味着疏散人群并登上紧急地铁到达Core。哔哔声代表一般的警告。这条新闻不断地报道斑马部队遭受的损失。有时我发誓他们重复着，好像今天和上周的新闻是可以互换的。在Hoofington没有真正的时间感。就是今天。今天比昨天好。如果你不努力工作，明天会更糟。我渴望有一个约会，以确定事情发生的时间。我来这里一个月了吗？两个？三个？
I really wished I could get a good night’s sleep. Trueblood swore that that would come when I could face what I’d done to send me into the Wasteland.
我真希望我能睡个好觉。特鲁布拉德发誓，当我能够面对我所做的把我送入荒原的事情时，这一切就会到来。
Sweet Celestia, I felt lonely. Nopony here wanted to be my friend. They all looked at me as if they expected me to spring on them and smash their skulls in. Maybe I would. Maybe I had.
甜蜜的天堂，我感到孤独。这里的小马想成为我的朋友。他们都看着我，好像他们希望我跳到他们身上，打碎他们的头骨。也许我会。也许是吧。
I was learning a life that was utterly alien and dreadfully familiar at the same time. Dusty Trails and Tumbleweed visited me like they were checking up on a rabid manticore, but they talked to me about school at Roosehoof Academy and my poor test scores and frequent visits to detention and Dean Hardy. I wanted him to visit so that I could see if he really was like the hovering robot I remembered; apparently that wasn’t possible, though. Keystone talked to me about working security at Megamart. Daisy and Marmalade were snotty and quiet respectively; the Flankfurt Trio, we’d been called.
我正在学习一种完全陌生的、同时又非常熟悉的生活。尘土飞扬的小径和风滚草(Tumbleweed)来看我，就像是在检查一头狂暴的蝎尾狮，但他们跟我谈论罗斯福学院的学校、我糟糕的考试成绩、频繁的拘留和哈迪院长(DeanHardy)。我想让他来看看，看看他是否真的像我记忆中的那个盘旋的机器人;显然，这是不可能的。Keystone跟我说了在Megamart做安全工作的事。黛西和玛玛拉德分别是鼻涕虫和安静的;我们被称为弗兰克福特三人组。
Apparently, we’d been rather shitty guards even before I snapped.
显然，在我发飙之前，我们的守卫就相当糟糕了。
Eventually, I was allowed to be around other ponies without being muzzled. Then allowed to walk short distances and to wash myself. The horn ring remained strapped in place, though. Apparently, after what I’d done to Doof, every stallion in the facility insisted on it. Harpica and the other nurses became my constant companions; the staff quickly learned that I wouldn’t harm meek ponies. On the other hoof, I still couldn’t be left around stallions. I felt… twitchy… when I was around them. Trueblood said I had wartime stress disorder; anxiety was to be expected. I wasn’t allowed near any of the young
最终，我被允许和其他小马在一起，而不用戴上口罩。然后允许步行短距离和洗自己。不过，号角环仍然固定在原处。很显然，在我对杜夫做了那些事之后，这里的每一匹种马都坚持要这么做。哈皮卡和其他护士成了我忠实的同伴;工作人员很快意识到我不会伤害温顺的小马。另一方面，我仍然不能留在种马周围。当我和他们在一起的时候，我感到...焦虑不安。特鲁布拉德说我患有战时应激障碍，焦虑是可以预料的。我不被允许接近任何年轻人
visitor ponies seeing other patients, though.
但是访客小马在看其他病人。
I was terrified to find out why.
我很害怕知道为什么。
I was also learning about life outside the Wasteland. In the hospital, at least, it wasn’t much different from the stable. You did what you were told and life was pleasant. I graduated from gelatin to fresh apples and carrots... after weeks here, the thought of a cannibal plague seemed almost cartoonish. I was surprised at how tasteless the celery was, though, which was odd given how much the other patients liked it. Once or twice I caught myself trying to eat the spoons; of course, nothing happened. Because I wasn’t a cyberpony. I wasn’t even Blackjack.
我也在学习荒原之外的生活。至少在医院里，它和马厩没什么不同。你做了你被告知的事情，生活是愉快的。我从食用凝胶变成食用新鲜的苹果和胡萝卜......在这里呆了几个星期后，食人族瘟疫的想法似乎有点卡通化了。不过，我很惊讶芹菜竟然没有什么味道，考虑到其他病人对芹菜的喜爱程度，这就有点奇怪了。有一两次，我发现自己在试图吃掉汤匙;当然，什么也没有发生。因为我不是赛博马。我甚至不是黑杰克。
I was just Go Fish. A nobody. Not hunted for my PipBuck. Not hated for being the destroyer of Steel Rangers. Not a Reaper. I’d never met a brave pony called LittlePip or her lover Homage. Never found a terrified mare under a floor grill. Never met a pony who couldn’t die. Never saved my best friend from killing himself in a bathroom. Never met an alicorn who connected to the minds and souls of a goddess. Never helped a little filly avoid the embarrassment of wetting the bed.
我只是去钓鱼。一个无名小卒。而不是寻找我的皮伯克。不会因为是钢铁游骑兵的毁灭者而被憎恨。不是死神。我从来没见过一匹勇敢的小马驹叫小匹普，也没见过她的情人效忠。从未在地板下发现惊恐的母马。从没见过一匹不会死的小马。我最好的朋友在洗手间自杀。从来没有见过一个独角兽与女神的思想和灵魂有联系。从不帮助小母马避免尿床的尴尬。
I lay at night for hours imagining the roof was cracked and stained. Sometimes I could almost see it if I tried hard enough. I’d stare and a brown patch would start in the middle and creep slowly outwards. The pastels would dim and bleed together. Slowly, the cracks would grow and spread, and eventually flakes of plaster would fall and leave holes peering into black spaces above. I’d feel my heart still. My breathing would trail to nothing, and for a moment I’d be Blackjack again.
晚上我躺在床上好几个小时，想象着屋顶已经破裂和污迹斑斑。有时候，如果我足够努力的话，我几乎可以看到它。我盯着看，一块褐色的斑点从中间开始，慢慢地向外蔓延。蜡笔会变暗，一起流血。慢慢地，裂缝会扩大，最终一片片的灰泥会掉下来，留下一个个小洞，一直看到上面的黑色空间。我能感觉到我的心还在跳动。我的呼吸会变得一无所有，有那么一会儿，我又成了黑杰克。
Then I’d blink, and it all went away. And I’d just curl up and cry, missing my friends and wishing they were with me.
然后我眨了眨眼，一切都消失了。我会蜷缩起来哭泣，思念我的朋友，希望他们和我在一起。
On the other hoof… I got to see Mom again. It was the first thing I’d looked forward to since I got here; if she was alive, then that meant that I hadn’t killed my own stable. That I hadn’t killed those foals. That as violent and disturbed as I might be, there was some hope for me in the everafter.
另一方面，我又见到了妈妈。如果她还活着，那就意味着我没有杀死自己的马厩。我没有杀死那些小马驹。尽管我可能会变得暴力和不安，但从今以后我还是有一些希望的。
I’d been told for three days she’d be coming. I’d prepared myself. We were in his office. I was restrained and sedated. I was given five minutes warning. One minute warning. Was I ready? Was I?
我已经被告知她要来三天了。我已经准备好了。我们在他的办公室里。我被限制住了，并被注射了镇静剂。他们给了我五分钟的警告。一分钟警告。我准备好了吗？是吗？
She stepped in. I took one look at her lavender coat and purple and red striped mane and loving pink eyes. She smiled like she had when I’d first taken my oath to protect and serve Stable 99. It was the one and only time I’d seen her cry in public. Our eyes shimmered with tears.
她走了进来。我看了一眼她的淡紫色外套，紫色和红色条纹的鬃毛和充满爱意的粉红色眼睛。她笑了，就像我第一次宣誓要保护和服务99稳定时那样。这是我唯一一次看到她在公共场合哭泣。我们的眼睛闪烁着泪光。
Then I saw her head on a stake. I smelled the chlorine gas. I heard Midnight scream that word, echoing endlessly in my ears.
然后我看到她的头被钉在木桩上。我闻到了氯气的味道。我听到午夜尖叫这个词，无休止地回响在我的耳边。
I screamed, and for an instant I was back in the Wasteland. I was in the corroded and darkened world; his fancy books were rotten rows on crumbling shelves. His desk was smashed and twisted, and that nice clock had frozen forever in rust and decay. Water dripped and splattered through holes in the roof; trickling away through gaps in the floor. I screamed and wailed and thrashed. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be there.
我尖叫起来，有那么一瞬间我又回到了荒原。我生活在一个被侵蚀和黑暗的世界里;他的幻想书籍是摇摇欲坠的书架上一排排烂掉的书。他的桌子被砸得支离破碎，扭曲变形，那个漂亮的钟也因为生锈和腐烂而永远冻结了。水从屋顶上的洞里滴下来，溅得到处都是;从地板的缝隙里滴下来。我尖叫着，痛哭着，痛打着。我不想待在这里。我不想去那里。
I couldn’t be anywhere.
我哪儿也去不了。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
“No, Blackjack. No…” Scotch Tape whimpered as she backed further and further into the corner of the bedroom in Star House. The thing that had been Glory… pretending to be Glory… lay in a broken, bloody pool. Rampage was out on the stairs, a piece of the banister permanently wedged in her brain. I’d tied it there to make sure her regeneration couldn’t push it out. She’d been almost as tough to take down as the real Rampage.
"不，黑杰克。"不......"苏格兰胶带呜咽着，她退得越来越远，进入了星宫卧室的角落。那个曾经是晨辉的东西......假装是晨辉......躺在一个破碎的、血淋淋的池塘里。狂暴的暴行出现在楼梯上，一块栏杆的碎片永远卡在她的脑子里。我把它绑在那里，以确保她的再生不会把它推出去。她几乎和真正的暴怒一样难以制服。
There was just one more. “No, Blackjack! No!” she screamed as she raised her legs in futility.
只剩下一个了。"不，黑杰克！不!"她一边尖叫一边抬起双腿。
Hooves came up. Hooves went down. Hooves came up. Hooves went down…
马蹄跳了起来。蹄子倒下了。马蹄跳了起来。蹄子倒下了..。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
“So. How have you been, Fishie?” Mom asked me, her voice low as she looked down into the teacup on the table in front of her in the courtyard. She didn’t drink tea; neither did I. But we could both sit there and watch our respective cups cool. It’d taken four tries before I could finally spend time with her without flipping out.
"所以。你最近怎么样，小鱼儿?"妈妈问我，低声看着院子里面桌子上的茶杯。她不喝茶，我也不喝。但是我们可以坐在那里看着各自的杯子变凉。我试了四次才终于能和她在一起而不发疯。
In Happyhorn, that was called progress.
在Happyhorn，这被称为进步。
“Crazy,” I replied, dared a glance at her, then back down again. Good, no head on a stake flashback this time. “How much crazy I’ve been depends on what Sangu… er… what Doctor Trueblood says,” I amended quickly, trying to take the sting out of it.
"疯了,"我回答，敢不敢看她一眼，然后又下来。很好，这次没有头顶木桩的闪回了。"我有多疯狂取决于Sangu......呃......特鲁布拉德医生说了什么,"我迅速修正，试图去除刺痛。
“I’m sorry,” Mom said softly, “I shouldn’t have asked that.”
"对不起,"妈妈温柔地说,"我不该问这个问题。"
“It’s fine,” I said, reaching out a hoof to her. She hesitated, waiting for the ping or pong. A ping, and she reached out and held my hoof between hers. The nurses only trusted me with one hoof out of the restraints. “I just… this… I’m the one who’s sorry.”
"没关系,"我说，伸出一只蹄子给她。她犹豫着，等待着乒乓球的到来。砰的一声，她伸手把我的蹄子夹在她的蹄子中间。护士们只放心地把我从束缚中放了出来。"我只是......这......我才是那个感到抱歉的人。"
“Oh no, I’m much more sorry than you,” Mom quipped, and we shared a little laugh. Very little, quite fragile, and it ended in a sigh. “I shouldn’t have made you go into my field. I should have respected what you wanted.” She patted my hoof gently. “Your music never seemed… important. Not compared to being a guard.”
"哦，不，我比你抱歉得多,"妈妈打趣道，我们一起笑了笑。非常小，非常脆弱，最后只是一声叹息。"我不应该让你进入我的领域。我应该尊重你的要求。"她轻轻拍了拍我的蹄子。"你的音乐从来不显得......重要。跟当警卫比起来简直不值一提。"
“Well, considering in Stable 99 none of us got a choice, I guess it doesn’t matter now. Honestly… being Security isn’t so bad. After all…” I risked another look at her, but she just blinked at me. It was just a few seconds… but for those seconds she seemed completely lost in thought.
"嗯，考虑到在99号稳定区我们都没有选择，我想现在没关系了。老实说...当保安也没那么糟糕。毕竟......"我冒险再看了她一眼，但她只是眨了眨眼睛。虽然只有几秒钟......但在那几秒钟里，她似乎完全陷入了沉思。
And then she wasn’t. “After all, Security saves ponies,” she said, exactly as I remembered. She patted my hoof tenderly. “I hope we get to leave here soon. I’m taking a leave of absence,” she said with a smile. “We should go somewhere. Maybe Manehattan? Somewhere there aren’t raid sirens every day? Just you and me?”
然后她就不是了。"毕竟，保安会保护小马,"她说，和我记忆中的一模一样。她轻轻拍了拍我的蹄子。"我希望我们能尽快离开这里。我正在休假,"她微笑着说。"我们应该去个地方。也许是曼哈顿？某个没有每天警报的地方？只有你和我?"
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t think I’d have been able to have any kind of life like this. Not now. Not ever… I simply wept as I nodded.
我不知道该说什么。我没想到我会有这样的生活。现在不行。从来没有......我只是一边点头一边流泪。
She moved around the table and hugged me. There were several ‘pong’s sounded, along with orderlies moving quickly out into the yard. “Don’t worry… we’ll make it all right,” she promised in my ear. But this was wrong. My mother wouldn’t do this. The stable always came first! I was the fuckup! But… I didn’t care. I hugged her… tighter… and tighter as my breathing became more and more erratic. But I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t, even as she struggled. The orderlies were fighting to pull my hoof off from around her neck. But I couldn’t let her go.
她围着桌子走来走去，拥抱了我。有几个人在打乒乓球，还有勤务兵快速地走进院子里。"别担心......我们会处理好的,"她在我耳边许诺。但这是错误的。我妈妈不会这么做的。马厩永远是第一位的！我才是混蛋！但是...我不在乎。我抱着她...越抱越紧，因为我的呼吸变得越来越不稳定。但是我不能放手。我不能，即使在她挣扎的时候。看护人员拼命想把我的蹄子从她的脖子上扯下来。但是我不能让她走。
She’d make everything alright, wouldn’t she?
她会让一切都好起来的，不是吗？
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
Apparently, the sight of my mother had triggered a relapse. I was back to being locked up and restrained in the timeless room. The nurses talked about my ‘instability’ in low voices. But fears about me launching into attacks didn’t go anywhere… simply because I didn’t care. Where before I’d been in the Wasteland, now I was simply back on the mattress staring at the ceiling. Still, I jerked my hooves against the restraints as something to do that was more than lie there like a corpse.
显然，看到我母亲引发了旧病复发。我又回到了被锁在这个永恒的房间里。护士们低声谈论我的"不稳定"。但是对我发动攻击的恐惧并没有消失，只是因为我不在乎。以前我在荒原，现在我只是回到床垫上盯着天花板。尽管如此，我还是猛地扭动着我的蹄子，想要做的不仅仅是像一具尸体一样躺在那里。
Harpica came in, washing me and caring for me without complaint. The mare didn’t do much, or say much about herself. “The doctor would like to do another session with you. If you think you’re okay with it,” Harpica said quietly. “There will be a concert in the courtyard rose garden, if you’d like to attend.”
哈皮卡走了进来，给我洗澡，毫无怨言地照顾我。那匹母马没有做什么，也没有说什么她自己的事。"医生想再给你做一次检查。如果你认为你能接受的话,"哈皮卡平静地说。"如果你愿意参加的话，我们将在玫瑰园的庭院里举办一场音乐会。"
I really didn’t want to. I didn’t like this place. The patients staring vacantly out into space or talking to themselves. Recipients of too many memory modifications and horrors of the war. Happyhorn wasn’t a place for healing; I suspected that Trueblood went through so much effort with me because I was a long shot chance to actually get better. For everypony else, this was a hospice for the mad, a place to keep them safe and sound and out of sight before they died.
我真的不想。我不喜欢这个地方。病人茫然地凝视着外面的空间，或者自言自语。接受者太多的记忆修改和战争的恐怖。不是治疗的地方;我怀疑特鲁布拉德和我一起经历了这么多的努力，因为我是一个渺茫的机会，实际上变得更好。对于其他小马来说，这里是疯子的临终关怀所，是一个让他们在死前安然无恙的地方。
Harpica didn’t say anything as she stood there, and I frowned as I glanced over at her. Then she suddenly added, “Octavia is playing.” That brought to mind the posters I’d seen in her apartment and the performance she’d given in Blueblood Manor. I could remember her music so well…
哈皮卡站在那里什么也没说，我瞥了她一眼，皱起了眉头。然后她突然加了一句:"奥克塔维亚在演奏。"这让我想起了我在她公寓里看到的海报，以及她在BluebloodManor的表演。我记得她的音乐。
Okay. I could get out of bed to hear that.
好吧。我可以从床上起来听听这个。
I let one of the orderlies, Mallet, the caramel colored unicorn, strap me into the wheelchair. Then we were out in the halls again.
我让护理员之一，焦糖色独角兽Mallet，把我绑在轮椅上。然后我们又去了大厅。
Suddenly, I was hit by an explosive pressure wave… and yet, I didn’t move. In an instant, everypony disappeared, as did my restraints and wheelchair. I sat there, blinking in shock as I felt my horn bare of the magic suppression ring. The hospital was empty, and every surface flickered in my vision for several seconds. What had just happened?
突然，我被一股爆炸性的压力波击中......然而，我一动不动。刹那间，每匹小马都消失了，我的束缚带和轮椅也不见了。我坐在那里，震惊地眨着眼睛，因为我觉得我的号角上没有魔法戒指了。医院里空无一人，每个表面都在我的视线中闪烁了几秒钟。刚才发生了什么？
And why was somepony crying?
为什么有小马在哭？
I trotted to a door to my left and carefully pushed on the four white stars on its veneer to open it a crack. Inside was a pale red stallion lying on his back staring up at the ceiling like so many others here at the hospital. Shaking him with her little hooves was a young pink filly standing on a chair. “Wake up! Please wake up, Big Brother! Please! You’re… you’re too tough for this, Rumble. Remember? You could take any ganger on the east side!” she cried as she shook his limp body. If I hadn’t seen his chest rise and fall, I would have thought he was dead. “Brother! Wake up! Please!”
我小跑着来到我左边的一扇门前，小心翼翼地推开门上的四颗白色星星，让它开出一条缝隙。里面躺着一匹淡红色的种马，像医院里的许多其他人一样，仰望着天花板。一只粉红色的小母马站在椅子上，用她的小蹄子摇着他。"醒醒！醒醒吧，大哥！求你了！你...你太强硬了朗布尔。还记得吗？你可以拿下东边的任何一个港口!"她边哭边摇晃着他软弱无力的身体。如果我没有看到他胸部的起伏，我会以为他已经死了。"兄弟！醒醒！求你了!"
Another flicker, and the filly was gone. I rubbed my eyes and blinked at where she’d just been standing. I was losing it. I was going completely over the edge! It was nighttime now, and Rumble lay there just as he had when his sister had shaken him seconds ago.
又一次闪烁，小母马不见了。我揉了揉眼睛，对着她刚才站的地方眨了眨眼。我失去理智了。我已经完全崩溃了！现在已经是晚上了，朗布尔躺在那里，就像几秒钟前他妹妹摇晃他的时候一样。
Then I saw movement beside me and I leapt to the side. I opened my mouth to apologize to the orderly or nurse, but my apology disappeared as I gaped at the late night visitor slinking in wearing a black veil and fancy dress decorated with sequins. Purple curls spilled from under the veil. She approached the bedside and lifted the translucent cloth aside.
然后我看到身边有动静，就跳到了一边。我张开嘴向勤务兵或护士道歉，但是我的道歉消失了，因为深夜来访者穿着装饰着亮片的黑色面纱和奇装异服，偷偷溜进来。紫色的卷发从面纱下溢出。她走到床边，把半透明的布拿到一边。
Why would a stallion like Rumble warrant a visit from a Ministry Mare? Especially this mare!
为什么像朗博这样的种马会得到一匹魔法部母马的拜访？尤其是这匹母马！
Rarity looked down at the limp stallion with clear unease. She utterly ignored my presence as she sat beside him. “Number seven,” she said quietly as she peeled the sheet back. For a moment, I was certain that she was doing something indecent, but her eyes were drawn to his flank. His blank flank.
罕见低头看着这匹软绵绵的种马，明显感到不安。她坐在他旁边，完全不理会我的存在。"七号,"她一边轻轻地说，一边把被单往后拉。有那么一会儿，我确信她在做一件不体面的事，但是她的眼睛却盯着他的侧腹。他茫然的侧腹。
“You’d think after seven failures, we would have finally gotten it right…” Rarity said as she lifted a book from her saddlebag. As somepony who’d seen more treated hide than I had any right to, I could say with authority that it wasn’t like any book I could ever imagine Rarity allowing on her person. The cover was bound in black and silver gray in the pattern of a zebra glyphmark. The sight of it sent my mane squirming as I shivered involuntarily. “I’m following the instructions perfectly. So why isn’t it working?” she asked as she stroked her hoof over the dark surface. The hiss of her hoof against the leather cover sounded like whispers.
"你以为经过七次失败之后，我们终于能做对......"罕妮一边说着，一边从她的鞍囊里拿出一本书。作为一个见过比我有权利看到的更多被虐待的小马，我可以权威地说，这不像任何一本我能想象的稀有允许在她身上的书。封面装订为黑色和银灰色，图案为斑马纹。一看到它，我的鬃毛就不由自主地颤抖起来。"我完全按照指示做了。那么，它为什么不起作用呢?"她边问边用蹄子踏过黑暗的表面。她的蹄子踩在皮革盖上发出的嘶嘶声听起来像耳语。
“Rarity?” a mare called softly from the doorway, making both of us jump. The book was whisked behind her poofy-curled purple tail as Rarity turned towards the door. There stood a rather exhausted looking Fluttershy. Her pink mane, shot through with a few strands of premature white, hung in disheveled sheets across her face. Worry lines were making their way slowly but inexorably across her features. “What are you doing here?”
"稀有?"一匹母马在门口轻声叫着，让我们两个都吓了一跳。那本书在她那蓬松卷曲的紫色尾巴后面迅速地被拉了起来。站在那里的是一只看起来相当疲惫的蝴蝶。她那粉红色的鬃毛，有几缕早熟的白发披散在脸上，披着蓬乱的被单。忧愁的线条缓慢而无情地穿过她的脸庞。"你在这儿干什么?"
“Ah… yes…” Rarity stammered as she grinned nervously, glancing back at Rumble and then at the concerned yellow pegasus. “Well, I’d gotten a report about mysterious attacks in Hightower Jail, darling. I was in the area, so I decided to see if my editors were getting creative again! That’s all,” she said with a nervous laugh. It was one that Fluttershy didn’t share as she walked to the bed.
"啊......是的......"雷诺结结巴巴地笑着，神经质地回头看了看朗博，然后又看了看担心的黄色飞马。"嗯，我收到了一份关于海托华监狱神秘袭击的报告，亲爱的。我正好在这个地区，所以我决定看看我的编辑们是不是又开始有创意了！就这样,"她紧张地笑着说。这是小芙特希走上床的时候没有告诉我们的。
“Have you heard anything else about it?” Fluttershy asked quietly before tugging the blanket back in place over Rumble. There was something oddly firm in Fluttershy’s question, and it made Rarity strain her smile even more.
"你还听说过别的什么吗?"小红毛安静地问道，然后把毯子拉回到隆隆上空的原位。Fluttershy的问题中有一种奇怪的坚定，这使得雷诺的笑容更加紧绷。
“And how would I have heard anything about this? I don’t even know what is wrong with the poor dear!” she said as she gestured with her hoof.
"我怎么会听说这件事呢？我甚至不知道这可怜的孩子怎么了!"她边说边用蹄子做了个手势。
“There isn’t anything wrong with him. Physically… medically… his body is just fine. Even his mind is intact, with all his memories. Whatever was done to him was completely outside the experience of unicorn magic.” She closed her eyes and bowed her head. “I’ve considered bringing Zecora in… or even trying to find medical experts in Yellow River and seeing if we can convince them to help us.”
"他没有任何问题。身体上...医学上...他的身体很好。即使他的思想是完整的，他所有的记忆。无论对他做了什么，都完全超出了独角兽魔法的体验。"她闭上眼睛，低下头。"我已经考虑过让Zecora介入......或者甚至试图在黄河里找到医学专家，看看我们能否说服他们帮助我们。"
“You wouldn’t dare!” Rarity hissed, narrowing her eyes at Fluttershy as her tail tightened. “They’re vicious, savage, horrible fiends.” Then, when she saw Fluttershy’s shocked expression, her words faltered. “They… um… they’re so… dirty and… garish…” Finally, she composed herself. “Besides, it’s firmly against Luna’s rules to associate with zebra mystics.”
"你不敢!"稀有嘶嘶地说着，眯起眼睛看着Fluttershy，尾巴紧了。"他们是邪恶、野蛮、可怕的恶魔。"然后，当她看到小弗特希震惊的表情时，她的话语颤抖起来。"它们......嗯......它们是那么......肮脏和......花哨......"最后，她镇静下来。"此外，和斑马神秘主义者交往是完全违反露娜的规定的。"
“If they can help somepony like Rumble or the others…” Fluttershy began to say quietly as she smoothed his sheets, “I’ll do what I have to to help.”
"如果他们能帮助像朗博尔这样的小马或其他人......"小红毛一边抚平他的被单，一边开始平静地说,"我会尽我所能帮助他。"
Rarity sighed. “Fluttershy. Please, as tragic as this is, he wasn’t anypony important. Just an east side gang member with a history of assaults and attacks on others…” she said in a subdued voice as she surreptitiously transferred the
稀有叹了口气。"Fluttershy.拜托，虽然这是个悲剧，但他不是什么重要人物。只是一个有袭击和攻击他人历史的东区帮派成员......"她低声说道
black book to her bag.
把黑名单放到她的包里。
“And how do you know that?” Fluttershy asked in a voice barely above a murmur.
"你怎么知道的?"小弗特希用几乎比低语声还小的声音问道。
“I… I… read it in the report, of course.” Rarity laughed nervously with a guilty grin.
"我.....。.我。.当然，在报告里看到了稀有紧张地笑了笑，露出一种内疚的笑容。
Fluttershy didn’t look at her friend as she sat beside Rumble’s bed. “No. How do you know he’s not important?” Rarity’s grin melted as she looked at Fluttershy’s back. The pegasus never raised her voice. “I know he probably wasn’t the best pony, but he has a sister. Tumble. She’s been here almost every day she can. He’s her whole world.” The soft disappointment in her voice was worse than any accusation. “Everyone is important to someone,” she said quietly.
小弗特希坐在朗布尔的床边，没有看她的朋友一眼。"没有。你怎么知道他不重要?"当她看着小萤火虫的背部时，她的笑容融化了。飞马从来没有提高过嗓门。"我知道他可能不是最好的小马，但他有个妹妹。翻滚。她几乎每天都在这里。他是她的全部。"她声音里那种柔和的失望比任何指责都要严重。"每个人对某个人来说都很重要,"她平静地说。
“Fluttershy… I…” Rarity began before her ears folded and she looked away. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. It’s just… with everything going on… I didn’t mean what I said.”
Fluttershy...我..。。」瑞妮在她的耳朵前面开始皱起眉头，把目光移开。"对不起，小弗特希。只是......发生了这么多事......我不是那个意思。"
Fluttershy turned and looked at her with that sad, searching expression. “I’ve got six other patients just like him, Rarity. All from Hightower… all missing their cutie marks. They’re not dead, nor have they had their memory erased. They’re just broken… and I don’t know how to help them.” Her teal eyes looked into Rarity’s darker eyes with sadness. “Do you?”
小弗特希转过身来，用那种悲伤、寻找的表情看着她。"我还有六个像他一样的病人，稀世。都来自海托华...都失去了她们可爱的标记。他们没有死，他们的记忆也没有被抹去。它们只是坏了......我不知道如何帮助它们。"她那蓝绿色的眼睛凝视着蕾蒂那双忧郁的深色眼睛。"是吗?"
“I… I…” Rarity stammered as she glanced at the bag she’d tucked the book into. For a moment, I was certain that she was going to say something, but she slumped. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I can’t. I wish I could, but…”
"我.....。.我。。」当她瞥了一眼她塞进去的书包时，她结结巴巴地说。有那么一会儿，我还以为她要说什么，但她突然倒下了。"对不起，小弗特希。我不能。我希望我可以，但是......"
But she couldn’t meet Fluttershy’s eyes.
但是她看不到小弗特希的眼睛。
Slowly, the yellow pegasus turned away and looked towards the bed once more. “I understand,” Fluttershy almost whispered. “It was good to see you again, Rarity. I hope we can meet again in Ponyville soon. I miss our little meetings at the spa. I miss our friends.” She bowed her head slightly as she put a hoof on the bed. “Sometimes… I think we made a big mistake somewhere. Not stopping the war when it started… not getting involved sooner… or getting tangled up in these horrible ministries. I liked being a nurse so much more than being a Ministry Mare.” She sniffed and shook her head. “Please… Rarity… when this war is over… can we please… please… go back to Ponyville? Can we make it
慢慢地，那匹黄色的飞马转过身去，再一次朝床上望去。"我明白了,"小毛毛几乎低声说。"很高兴再次见到你，稀有。我希望我们能很快在Ponyville再见面。我错过了我们在温泉浴场的小会议。我想念我们的朋友。"她把蹄子放在床上，微微低着头。"有时候......我觉得我们在某个地方犯了一个大错。没有在战争开始的时候阻止战争，没有早点卷入战争，或者被卷入这些可怕的事工中。我更喜欢当护士，而不是牧师的母马。"她抽了抽鼻子，摇了摇头。"拜托......稀世......战争结束后......我们能不能......拜托......回Ponyville去？我们能做到吗
like it was again? All of us together?”
像以前一样？我们所有人一起?"
Rarity’s mouth moved silently as she held out a hoof, tears running down her pale cheeks and sending her eyeliner dripping. “I… I… We will, Fluttershy. Somehow. I’ll find some way we can all be together again. There must be a way,” she said as she looked over her shoulder at the bag containing the black book.
当她伸出一只蹄子的时候，她的嘴巴默默地动了起来，眼泪从她苍白的脸颊上流下来，弄得她的眼线一直在滴。"我.....。.我。.我们会的，小弗。不知怎么的。我会想办法让我们重新在一起。肯定有办法的,"她一边说，一边回头看着装着那本黑皮书的包。
Then there was a flicker, and they were gone. The bed was empty, the corners tucked in. I sank to the floor, hugging my aching head. “What is going on?” I whimpered, clenching my eyes shut.
然后又闪了一下，他们就不见了。床是空的，角落被塞进去了。我倒在地上，抱着疼痛的头。"这是怎么回事?"我呜咽着，紧闭着眼睛。
“Ah. Here you are,” Trueblood said a moment later. “We were wondering where you’d escaped to.”
"啊。"给你,"过了一会儿，特鲁布拉德说。"我们还在想你逃到哪儿去了呢。"
I stood and pointed at the bed. “I just saw Fluttershy! And Rarity! Explain that in crazy brain doctor talk, Trueblood!” I snapped as I whirled upon him.
我站起来，指着床。"我刚才看到小弗特希了！还有稀有！用疯狂的脑科医生的话解释一下，楚布拉德!"当我旋转着向他扑过去的时候，我厉声说道。
He blinked at me slowly, taking in my triumphant smirk. Then he said flatly, “Because two months ago you escaped and eavesdropped on the Ministry Mares while they were looking over a patient. Given the state of your memory, it’s not surprising you forgot until now. Then you saw the room and it brought the memory back. Fairly simple,” he said with a small shrug and smile. “I hope that terrorist bomb didn’t send you back to the Wasteland again. I understand it detonated quite close to the hospital grounds.” Yet he didn’t look concerned at all.
他慢慢地眨着眼睛看着我，带着我得意洋洋的傻笑。然后他直截了当地说:"因为两个月前你逃跑了，偷听了马瑞斯部长在看病人的时候。考虑到你的记忆状态，直到现在你才忘记也不足为奇。然后你看到了那个房间，它唤醒了你的记忆。相当简单,"他微笑着耸了耸肩说。"我希望恐怖分子的炸弹不会再把你们送回荒原。我知道它在离医院很近的地方引爆了。"然而，他看上去一点也不担心。
“No. No. I’m fine,” I said with a frown as I looked at the empty bed. “What happened to Rumble?”
"没有。没有。"我很好,"我看着空荡荡的床，皱着眉头说。"朗布尔怎么了?"
He didn’t answer for a moment. It wasn’t like he was scratching his head and searching his memory; it was like a pause where he simply froze. Then he smiled broadly. “Full recovery last week. I understand he’s back with his sister. Never did find out exactly how his mind was cut off from his body, but the spell wore off eventually.”
他一时没有回答。他不是在挠头寻找自己的记忆，而是像一个停顿，他只是僵住了。然后他开心地笑了。"上周完全康复。我知道他和他妹妹复合了。从来没有弄清楚他的思想是如何从他的身体中被切断的，但是这个咒语最终消失了。"
I sighed and rubbed the magic restraint on my horn, then shook my head.
我叹了口气，擦了擦喇叭上的魔法束缚，然后摇了摇头。
“How’d I get free?” I asked as I looked around.
"我是怎么逃出来的?"我边问边环顾四周。
“When the bomb went off you bolted. Asked why things always blow up around
"炸弹爆炸时，你就逃跑了。被问及为什么事情总是在周围爆发
you. You weren’t secured properly and got loose,” he said as he smiled and added, “Don’t worry. You didn’t hurt anypony this time.”
你。他微笑着说,"别担心。这次你没有伤害任何小马。"
This time? Thank goodness for small favors. I looked at the bed again. “Fluttershy and Rarity were friends, weren’t they?”
这次呢？感谢上帝给了我们小小的帮助。我又看了看床。"萤火虫和稀有是朋友，不是吗?"
“I’m not really in a position to say,” Trueblood replied. Then he paused again, sitting and cocking his head. “You don’t think they are?”
"我真的没有资格说,"特鲁布拉德回答。然后他又停了下来，坐下来，点了点头。"你不这么认为吗?"
I thought about what I’d seen. It was like two ponies who were friends once and desperately wanted to be so again, but that silent accusation and that reticence were walls that neither could overcome. I thought of that shy yellow figurine unable to call Rarity on her deception; the glamorous white figurine wanting to give anything except the truth. P-21 and I’d been like that; he’d been more angry than Fluttershy and I’d been more clueless than Rarity, but we’d had that tension keeping us apart.
我想起了我所看到的。这就像两匹小马曾经是朋友，拼命地想再次成为朋友，但是这种无声的指责和沉默是两堵无法逾越的墙。我想到了那个害羞的黄色小雕像，她不能用欺骗来称呼蕾蒂;那个迷人的白色小雕像除了真相什么都不想说。P-21和我就是这样;他比Fluttershy更生气，而我比inority更无能，但是我们之间的紧张关系让我们分开了。
Had they overcome it?
他们克服了吗？
“Why am I here, Doctor?” I asked in low tones, my body fighting to maintain reasonable volumes.
"我为什么在这里，医生?"我低声问道，我的身体在努力保持合理的音量。
“To get better,” he answered simply. “Why else would anypony come here?” I stared at the maroon unicorn for the longest time as he simply stood there with that stupid smile on his face. “When you no longer flee to the Wasteland… when you can accept what you did… you’ll be able to go.”
"为了好起来,"他简单地回答。"不然为什么会有小马来这里?"我盯着那只栗色独角兽看了很长时间，他只是站在那里，脸上挂着愚蠢的微笑。"当你不再逃往荒原......当你能够接受你所做的......你就能够离开。"
“And what did I do?” My voice was low and tense.
"我做了什么?"我的声音低沉而紧张。
“You know exactly what you did,” he answered, equally soft. “You’re trying to hide from it in madness. But you can’t hide forever, Go Fish. Madness is like nausea; your mind is trying to purge itself of something you’ve shoved into your subconscious. It invented the Wasteland as a place for you to hide. Sooner or later, one of two things will happen: you will stop attempting to block the memory and face it…”
"你很清楚自己做了什么,"他同样温柔地回答。"你疯狂地试图躲避它。但你不能永远躲藏，钓鱼去吧。疯狂就像恶心;你的大脑正试图清除你塞进潜意识里的某些东西。它创造了荒原作为你的藏身之地。迟早有两种情况会发生:你将不再试图封锁记忆，而是直面它......"
“Or?”
"或者?"
“Or you’ll die,” he finished with a small shrug. Then he smiled. “Now, care to go to the concert?”
"否则你会死的,"他耸了耸肩说。然后他笑了。"现在，想去听音乐会吗?"
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
It was rather hard to enjoy Octavia’s performance after that little exchange. The music was as beautiful as I remembered, but it had none of the life or joy I imagined. I may as well have been listening to it on my PipBuck as seeing her perform. The other attendants gave her rapt attention, neither talking nor making disturbances during the hour-long show. No sirens. Nopony getting up and going to the bathroom in the middle of one of her pieces. Even the stomping applause was monotonous.
在那次短暂的交流之后，很难欣赏奥克塔维亚的表演。音乐和我记忆中的一样美妙，但没有我想象中的生活和欢乐。就像看她表演一样，我可能也在用我的PipBuck收听这首歌。其他的服务员全神贯注地看着她，在长达一个小时的表演中，他们既没有说话，也没有打扰她。没有警笛声。Nopony站起来，去洗手间在她的一件作品中间。即使是跺着脚的掌声也是单调乏味的。
I hated this place. And I was starting to hate everypony in it. That hate wasn’t something that transferred perfectly from my memories in the Wasteland. In the Wasteland, I had a complicated relationship with Charity. Here, she simply sat by the front door selling candy. The yellow filly had none of the mercenary mercantile drive of the Crusader I had known. She was simply there. As I was wheeled past the next day on the way to a session I glared at her and her little downcast eyes.
我讨厌这个地方。我开始讨厌里面的每一个人。那种仇恨并不是从我在荒原的记忆中完美地转移过来的。在荒原，我和慈善有着复杂的关系。在这里，她只是坐在前门卖糖果。那匹黄色的小母马没有我所知道的十字军那种唯利是图的商业动力。她只是在那里。第二天，当我被推着去参加一个会议的时候，我瞪着她和她那双低垂的小眼睛。
“Hey. Hey kid!” I said as I was wheeled past. She looked up with that stupid expression. “If I get out of here I’m going to fucking kill you!” I screamed at her as loud as I could. Charity and Bottlecap just looked at me. That’s all. Just looked at me. The caramel Mallet put the bridle back on me. I got another lecture from the doctor about ‘regressing’.
"嘿。嘿，孩子!"当我被推过去的时候我说。她用那种愚蠢的表情抬起头来。"如果我离开这里，我会他妈的杀了你!"我尽可能大声地对她尖叫。Charity和Bottlecap只是看着我。仅此而已。只是看着我。焦糖马勒把缰绳放回到我身上。医生又给我上了一堂关于"倒退"的课。
The next day, there was the filly, sitting behind her little table with her cookies, her eyes downcast. No nurses beside her. No orderlies standing watch. It might as well have been that I’d never said a single word to her.
第二天，那匹小母马端着饼干坐在她的小桌子后面，目光低垂。她身边没有护士。没有勤务兵站岗。这就像我从来没有对她说过一个字一样。
I stared up at the still fillies in my room for hours. I jerked and jerked and jerked against my restraints. I wanted to tear down those painted pegasi and smash down the frolicking kids on the wall. I jerked… and jerked… and jerked…
我盯着房间里那些静止的小雌马看了好几个小时。我猛地一抽，猛地一抽，猛地一抽，挣脱了束缚。我想撕毁那些涂有颜色的飞马，粉碎墙上嬉戏玩耍的孩子。我抽搐...抽搐...抽搐..。
And with a brittle snap, the pin holding the foreleg restraints to the bed gave way… I lay there, staring at my bound hooves. I should just lie here. They were watching from the cameras anyway. They’d pong an alarm. I’d be restrained again.
随着一声脆响，固定前腿的钉子松开了......我躺在那里，盯着我绑着的蹄子。我应该躺在这里。不管怎样，他们都在镜头前看着。他们会发出警报。我会再次被束缚。
Then I looked at the door. It was open.
然后我看了看门。门是开着的。
It was never just open. Something was going on.
它从来都不是公开的。肯定发生了什么事。
I lifted my hooves to my mouth and carefully unbuckled them. When they were free, I undid the belt across my chest, and then my waist. Finally I heaved forward and carefully undid the bindings on my rear hooves. It was hard, but I was able to tug the straps loose and pull my hooves free.
我把蹄子举到嘴边，小心翼翼地解开。当他们自由的时候，我解开我胸前的腰带，然后解开我的腰带。最后，我用力向前，小心翼翼地解开后蹄上的绑带。这是艰难的，但我能够拉松皮带和拉我的蹄子自由。
I dropped to my feet and made my way into the hall. It was quiet. Well lit. Empty. There was a shimmer, and a ring of brown rippled down the curved hallway ahead of me. No brain… I need to stay here right now. Here. I trotted forward and then I spotted something teal next to a spatter of blood. I picked up the severed wing in my hooves; looked the blood trail leading to the nurses’ station. There lay the body of Harpica.
我站了起来，向大厅走去。很安静。光线充足。空空如也。有一道微光，一圈棕色的光沿着我前面弯曲的走廊荡漾开来。没有大脑...我现在需要呆在这里。给你。我小跑着向前走去，然后我发现在血迹旁边有蓝绿色的东西。我捡起我蹄子上被切断的翅膀，看着通往护士站的血迹。那里躺着Harpica的尸体。
Next to it was Bottlecap.
旁边是Bottlecap。
Next to that…
在那个旁边..。
The bodies were everywhere. Shot. Stabbed. Sliced. Pink and gray entrails were scattered like glistening rope across the halls. Some had been blown apart, with necks and legs ending in bloody stumps. How could anypony have done this so silently? I hadn’t heard a thing. I remembered Lancer’s rifle. A silence talisman. One that allowed a pony to go on a bloody spree that no one could hear. Hot blood stained my hooves, but that hardly mattered. I just wished I could get the magic restraint off my horn. Damn thing must have had a lock or something on the strap.
尸体到处都是。拍摄。被刺伤。切片。粉色和灰色的内脏像闪闪发光的绳子一样散落在大厅里。有些人被炸得四分五裂，脖子和腿最后变成血淋淋的残肢。怎么会有小马这么默默地做这种事呢？我什么都没听到。我记得兰瑟的步枪。一个沉默的护身符。一种允许小马在没有人能听到的情况下进行血腥狂欢的方法。热血染红了我的蹄子，但那不重要。我只是希望自己能摆脱那种神奇的束缚。那该死的东西的皮带上一定有锁什么的。
I needed a weapon. I had my hooves. Not metal, just flesh and bone, but they’d have to do. My mind was whirring; zebra infiltrator? No. There was no point to this butchery. An infiltrator would sneak in and out. Escaped prisoner? Had somepony snapped? Maybe. They’d have to be an exceptional killer though. A real fighter.
我需要一件武器。我有我的蹄子。不是金属，只是肉和骨头，但他们不得不这样做。我的脑子嗡嗡作响;斑马渗透者？没有。这种屠杀毫无意义。渗透者会偷偷进出。逃犯？是不是有什么东西断了？也许吧。但他们必须是一个杰出的杀手。一个真正的战士。
And there was just such a fighter who was a patient here.
这里有一个这样的战士，他是这里的一个病人。
I started keeping my eyes up towards the vaulted ceiling. If Jetstream was behind this, she’d attack from above. Thank goodness I’d gone through all those days of practice without my horn. Of course, trying to stop a psychopathic Marauder might be more than I could handle on my own…
我开始抬头看着拱形的天花板。如果Jetstream是幕后黑手，她会从上面攻击。谢天谢地，我经历了那么多天没有按喇叭的练习。当然，试图阻止一个心理变态的掠夺者可能比我自己处理的更多..。
Or could I handle her at all? I wasn’t Security. I wasn’t even Blackjack. I was Go Fish. What was I thinking?
或者我能搞定她吗？我不是保安。我甚至不是黑杰克。我是钓鱼。我当时在想什么？
I was thinking… somepony needed to stop this.
我在想...得有人来阻止这一切。
I might not know exactly who I was… Blackjack or Go Fish… but either way, I’d been a security mare of some kind.
我可能不知道我到底是谁......黑杰克或钓鱼......但不管怎样，我一直是某种安全母马。
And Security saves ponies. It was the first thought I’d had in a long while that felt solid. I heard the sound of fighting from the front entrance. Maybe… maybe if I could do this… maybe then I could talk about leaving.
保安也会保护小马。这是很长一段时间以来我第一个感到坚实的想法。我听到从前门传来打斗的声音。也许...也许如果我可以这样做...也许我可以谈谈离开。
I reached the front entrance foyer just in time for a blue streak to fly across my vision. The pony at the head of it smashed into the waterfall fountain with a crunch of bone, a snap of wings, and the heavy crack of shattered concrete before collapsing into the bloody basin with a thud. Jetstream’s eyes maintained their distant stare even in death, her head dangling limply over the lip of the fountain bowl.
我到达前门大厅，正好赶上一条蓝色的条纹飞过我的视线。坐在马头上的小马，骨头嘎吱一声，翅膀嘎吱一声，碎裂的混凝土发出沉重的裂缝，撞进了瀑布喷泉，砰地一声倒在血淋淋的盆地里。即使死了，Jetstream的眼睛仍然保持着他们遥远的目光，她的头无力地悬在喷泉盆的边缘上。
Rising from a smashed table was a dark form, a familiar form. She wore black riot armor that covered every inch of her. Slowly, her helmeted head turned towards me, looking over her shoulder. I heard the dry, raspy breaths taken in through her black mask’s breather. The hollow, soulless chuckle. She cradled something in her hooves… something small and bloody.
从一张打碎的桌子上站起来的是一个黑影，一个熟悉的形体。她身穿黑色防暴盔甲，全身都覆盖着。慢慢地，她戴着头盔的头转向我，回头看着我。我听到她戴着黑色面具的呼吸器发出干燥刺耳的呼吸声。空洞，没有灵魂的笑声。她把什么东西放在蹄子里......一些小而血腥的东西。
I charged the creature. Wild. Stupid. Amateurish. I leapt on her back, throwing my hooves around her neck, and she erupted into a bloody frenzy of kicking and heaving. I couldn’t kill her. Couldn’t beat her. All I could do was fight until she inevitably won. The fight was all that mattered. And maybe, if I fought hard enough, I could give that filly a second chance.
我控制了那个生物。荒野。愚蠢。业余的。我跳到她的背上，用我的蹄子勒住她的脖子，她突然爆发出一阵血腥的狂乱，乱踢乱踢。我不能杀她。打不过她。我所能做的就是反抗，直到她不可避免地赢了。战斗才是最重要的。也许，如果我足够努力，我可以给那匹小母马第二次机会。
There was another lurch, and I went spinning end over end and tumbled into darkness.
又是一阵剧烈的颠簸，我一头接一头地旋转，跌进了黑暗之中。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
I was outside, in the courtyard. How’d I gotten out here? What had happened to the mare in black? Had I beaten her? Driven her off? No. I hadn’t. Couldn’t.
我在外面，在院子里。我是怎么出来的？那匹穿黑色衣服的母马怎么了？我打败她了吗？把她赶走？没有。我没有。不能。
Then what was I seeing? I perched atop one of the blast walls, looking down at the seat below me. A blue pegasus mare sitting by herself. Her mane had gone prematurely gray, her eyes lost and empty. There were others talking, laughing, enjoying the roses in bloom, or taking in the music on the stage. It was the most
那我看到的是什么？我站在一面防爆墙的顶上，看着下面的座位。一匹蓝色的飞马独自坐着。她的鬃毛过早地变成了灰色，她的眼睛迷失了，空洞无物。其他人有说有笑，欣赏着盛开的玫瑰花，或者欣赏着舞台上的音乐。这是我见过的
normal scene I’d seen since I’d watched Rarity and Fluttershy. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even blink. I could only watch.
自从我看过《稀有》和《萤火虫》后，我看过的正常场景。我动弹不得。我连眼睛都不敢眨一下。我只能眼睁睁看着。
Then a red mare with glittering red-enameled hooves approached. “Lieutenant Jetstream?”
这时，一匹蹄子闪闪发光、漆红色的红色母马走了过来。"喷气流中尉?"
Her eyes twitched and she bowed her head. “N’more…” she muttered.
她的眼睛抽搐着，低下了头。"再来......"她喃喃自语道。
“Lieutenant Jetstream?” she asked again, sitting on the bench beside the pegasus. I knew her… from Blueblood’s terminal. The O.I.A. pony… but was she really, or was that just a role I’d cooked up for her? “Lieutenant. I’ve got vital news for you to hear.” The mare took a folder out of her saddlebags and pulled out a picture. “We’ve discovered a critical POW camp deep in zebra territory.”
"喷气流中尉?"她坐在飞马号旁边的长凳上，又问了一遍。我认识她...在蓝血镇的终端。那匹o.i.a.的小马......但是她真的是，还是那只是我为她设计的一个角色？"中尉。我有重要的消息要告诉你。"母马从她的鞍囊里拿出一个文件夹，拿出一张照片。"我们在斑马线的深处发现了一个重要的战俘营。"
“What?” she asked as her glassy eyes focused on the picture.
"什么?"她问道，目光呆滞地盯着照片。
“These are images we smuggled out of the zebra capital,” the red mare said as she held up pictures of ponies held in a facility similar to Yellow River… only they didn’t look like I’d imagined prisoners to look in such a camp. Too clean. Yet Jetstream looked at them sharply now. “They’re prisoners the zebras have concentrated in Roam. And we’ve identified two particular prisoners. Sergeant Major Big Macintosh and Lance Corporal Stonewing.”
"这些是我们从斑马之都偷偷带出来的照片,"红色母马一边说，一边举起小马的照片，这些小马被关押在类似黄河的地方......只是它们看起来不像我想象中的囚犯。太干净了。然而现在，Jetstream却对他们进行了敏锐的观察。"他们是斑马集中在漫游中的囚徒。我们确认了两个特别的犯人。大麦金托什军士长和斯通文准下士。"
“What?” Jetstream gasped. “How? They… they kept telling me they were dead.”
"什么?"喷气流喘着粗气。"怎么回事？他们...他们一直告诉我他们死了。"
The red mare nodded sympathetically. “Easier to bury and mourn a war hero than to hear they were abducted in the chaos of the assassination attempt, Lieutenant,” the red mare with the glittery hooves said in low, serious tones. “You were right. You were right, but the government simply dusted off their hooves and forgot about them.”
红马同情地点点头。"埋葬和哀悼一个战争英雄比听到他们在企图谋杀的混乱中被绑架要容易得多，中尉,"那匹红色的母马用低沉而严肃的声音说。"你是对的。你是对的，但政府只是掸去了他们的灰尘，忘记了他们。"
“Nooo… how could they?” Jetstream shook, sobbing brokenly as she folded the pictures in her hooves. Tears peppered the folded images. “I knew it… I knew it… they couldn’t be dead…” she whispered, then wiped her eyes before looking at the red mare. “But… why are you coming to me? Who are you?” she asked as she stared in shock.
"不......他们怎么能这样?"Jetstream颤抖着，断断续续地啜泣着，她把照片叠在她的蹄子里。泪水在折叠的画面上滚滚而来。"我就知道......我就知道......他们不可能死了......"她低声说，然后擦了擦眼睛，看着红色的母马。"但是......你为什么来找我？你是谁?"她震惊地盯着我问。
“You can call me Garnet. I’m just a concerned pony working with the ministries who’s come up with a way to bring our boys home. But to do it, we need a mare who’s exceptionally determined; a flier who won’t let anything stop her from
"你可以叫我石榴石。我只是一匹忧心忡忡的小马，和政府部门一起工作，想出办法把我们的孩子带回家。但是要做到这一点，我们需要一匹非常坚定的母马，一个不会让任何事情阻止她的飞行员
reaching the zebra capital.” She sighed, bowing her head. “We’ve tried approaching the Shadowbolts and the army… neither were willing to take the chance.” She looked at Jetstream with conviction. “You’re our last option, Lieutenant. Otherwise, we may never see them again.”
到达斑马之都她叹了口气，低下了头。"我们试图接近暗影闪电和军队......他们都不愿意冒这个险。"她满怀信心地看着飞天女侠。"你是我们最后的选择，中尉。否则，我们可能再也见不到他们了。"
“Rainbow Dash wouldn’t do it?” Garnet shook her head solemnly. Jetstream narrowed her eyes. “Of course not… what’s one more pegasus?” I could see the gaping holes in Garnet’s story, but Jetstream shook as she smiled in bliss. The joy at being needed to do what her mind demanded she do was almost too much for her to bear.
"彩虹·达什不会这么做?"加内特庄严地摇了摇头。Jetstream眯起了眼睛。"当然不是......再多一匹飞马又如何?"我可以看到加内特的故事中的漏洞，但是当她微笑着享受极乐的时候，Jetstream却在颤抖。被需要去做她的头脑要求她做的事情所带来的快乐几乎让她无法承受。
“What do you need me to do?” Jetstream asked as she stared straight ahead. Garnet smiled in satisfaction as she dug out a small hoof-sized talisman. The glyph within glowed faintly; I’d seen them before. Glory had salvaged a dozen of them from a Robronco store back in Flank. A targeting talisman, but this one seemed far more intricate than those had been.
"你需要我做什么?"Jetstream问道，她直直地盯着前方。石榴石满意地笑了，她挖出了一个小的蹄子大小的护身符。里面的雕刻发出微弱的光，我以前见过。晨辉在弗兰克的一家罗布朗科商店里抢救出了一打。一个目标护身符，但这一个似乎远比那些已经错综复杂。
“Get this to the zebra capital and wait. When everything is ready, it will glow. Tap it twice and we will trigger a mass teleportation megaspell to take every pony within ten miles safely back to Canterlot. You don’t need to find the camp yourself. Just stay within the zebra capital and evade capture by any means. It should be charged and ready in four days. You have that long to reach Roam. Can you do it, Lieutenant Jetstream?”
"把这个送到斑马之都等着。当一切准备就绪，它就会发光。点击两次，我们就会启动一个大规模的瞬间移动，把方圆十英里内的每一匹小马安全地送回Canterlot。你不需要自己去找营地。只要呆在斑马之都，想尽一切办法逃避追捕。四天内就能充好电并准备好。你还有那么长的路要走。你能做到吗，中尉?"
Jetstream didn’t speak. She didn’t need to. With a few photographs, Garnet had given her redemption. Garnet opened up the saddlebag and put the talisman in place. “Here are seven days of rations and some basic equipment to help you evade their patrols. Stay in the city and be careful. Be safe. Be ready for the talisman’s signal.”
Jetstream没有说话。她不需要这么做。通过几张照片，加内特给了她赎罪的机会。加内特打开马鞍袋，把护身符放到了合适的位置。"这里有七天的口粮和一些基本装备，可以帮助你躲避他们的巡逻。留在城里，小心点。注意安全。等待护身符的信号。"
The blue pegasus hugged Garnet tightly. “Thank you,” she sobbed. Garnet rolled her eyes and patted her shoulders stiffly. When Jetstream released her, the red mare passed her the saddlebags and then reached down to a small bracelet the pegasus wore on her hoof. It was so small and flush that I nearly missed it; I wondered if it was magically adhered. Garnet touched a talisman to it, and the bracelet popped open. The red mare tossed it into the bushes.
蓝色的天马紧紧地拥抱着石榴石。"谢谢你,"她抽泣着说。加内特翻了翻眼睛，僵硬地拍了拍肩膀。当Jetstream释放她的时候，红色的母马把鞍袋递给她，然后伸手到一个小手镯上，佩戴在她的蹄子上。它又小又红，我差点就错过了;我怀疑它是不是被魔法附着了。石榴石碰到了一个护身符，手镯砰地一声打开了。红色的母马把它扔进了灌木丛。
“Good luck,” Garnet said as she pulled out a small case with a button on it. A moment after she pressed it, there were loud bangs in the long horseshoe-shaped
"祝你好运,"加内特一边说，一边拿出一个带按钮的小盒子。她按了一下，长长的马蹄铁形的盒子里传来巨大的爆炸声
building. Colored smoke began to pour out the windows, and fireworks zipped magically through the air, obscuring everything with rainbow smoke. The more delicate patients began to whoop and holler at the bedlam filling the asylum.
建筑。彩色的烟雾开始从窗口倾泻而出，烟花魔术般地在空中飞舞，彩虹般的烟雾遮住了一切。病情较轻的病人开始在疯人院里大喊大叫起来。
Without delay, Jetstream launched herself into the air and began to fly to the east.
没有耽搁，Jetstream飞向空中，并开始向东飞去。
Rising, Garnet stared at me for the longest time. Then she smiled and shrugged. “Oh well. In four days, it either won’t matter, or it won’t matter.” And humming to herself, she made her way towards the exit.
站起来，石榴石盯着我看了很长时间。然后她笑了笑，耸了耸肩。"哦，好吧。四天之内，这要么不重要，要么不重要。"她一边哼着歌，一边向出口走去。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
I’d given up trying to understand anything. I’d blinked and found myself staring up at forty-two still foals. I was being strapped into bed by Mallet and Cuffs, the two working frantically, looking spooked. Trueblood looked on, his face grim.
我已经放弃了理解任何事情的努力。我眨了眨眼睛，发现自己正盯着四十二只静止的小马驹。我被麦勒特和克夫绑在床上，这两个人疯狂地工作着，看起来受到了惊吓。特鲁布拉德看着，脸色凝重。
“What happened? Where did the mare in black go? What happened to everypony?” I asked as I jerked against the restraints.
"发生了什么事？那匹黑色的母马去哪儿了？每匹小马都怎么了?"我一边问，一边猛地挣脱束缚带。
“Make sure you get it extra tight,” Trueblood said tensely as he looked at Mallet.
"一定要把它绑得特别紧,"特鲁布拉德看着马莱，紧张地说。
“What happened?” I asked, straining. Why did I feel so… sticky?
"发生了什么事?"我紧张地问道。为什么我感觉这么...粘？
The caramel unicorn nodded. “It’d be easier if we could hose her off,” she said as her magic tightened the restraints.
焦糖色的独角兽点点头。"如果我们能把她冲走就容易多了,"她一边说，一边用魔法拧紧了束缚带。
Triage stood nearby, floating a needle. “I’m sorry, Go Fish. I thought we could help you. I wanted to help you, but it doesn’t look like it’s possible,” the maroon stallion said softly.
伤检分类站在附近，漂浮着一根针。"对不起，钓鱼去吧。我想我们可以帮你。我想帮你，但看起来不太可能,"这匹栗色种马轻声说。
I struggled. “No! Wait! What happened? Please. Tell me!” I shouted at him.
我挣扎着。"不！等等！发生了什么？求你了。告诉我!"我对他大喊大叫。
Triage stuck me with the needle and the world began to darken.
分诊用针扎了我一下，世界开始变得暗淡。
“You know what happened,” was all he said as he looked at me gravely. Now that I was secure, they were leaving. He was the last to go.
"你知道发生了什么事,"他一面严肃地看着我，一面说。现在我安全了，他们要走了。他是最后一个走的。
Only then did I look down at my bound limbs, at the crimson fluid smeared on my hooves, rapidly darkening in the air. Bits of curly pink mane were trapped in the sticky mess. I stared at them for a minute, and then I did what any sane pony would in my place.
直到这时，我才低头看了看自己束缚的四肢，看了看马蹄上染成深红色的液体，它们在空气中迅速变黑。一些粉红色的鬃毛卷在粘糊糊的东西里。我盯着他们看了一分钟，然后我做了任何一个理智的小马在我的地方会做的事情。
I started screaming. Even when everything went black, I was still screaming.
我开始尖叫。即使一切都变得黑暗，我仍然在尖叫。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
I don’t know how long I lay there in that bed, staring up at those dead fillies. Nopony visited me. I was cut off; I felt like I was dangling in that elevator shaft. Hanging there in the gutted Flash Inc. building. Standing in those ruins beneath the ground.
我不知道我在那张床上躺了多久，盯着那些死去的小雌马。Nopony来看我。我被切断了，我感觉自己像是悬挂在电梯井里。挂在破旧的Flash公司大楼里。站在地下的废墟中。
“So… is this it?” rasped a voice beside my bed.
"那么......就这样了?"一个声音在我的床边响起。
I closed my eyes and let out a long, low groan. “This… is a really shitty time, Dealer.”
我闭上眼睛，发出一声长长的低沉的呻吟。"现在......真是糟透了，庄家。"
“I reckon so,” he said, the pale, gaunt pony starting to deal some cards. “Problem is… it’s all the time you’ve got left. So, if we’re going to get in some last minute games, this is it.” He put the cards in my hooves. The blood glued them in place. “Not exactly my thing, but you seem to enjoy them.”
"我也这么想,"他说着，那匹苍白憔悴的小马开始发牌了。"问题是......你只剩下这么多时间了。所以，如果我们要在最后一刻上场比赛，那么这就是了。"他把卡片放在我的蹄子里。血把他们粘在一起了。"这不是我的风格，但你似乎很喜欢。"
Despite myself, I stared at the blood-smeared bits of cardboard. I frowned… what, was this the ‘Ministry Mares as Foals’ edition? One of the cards had a little grinning pink filly bouncing on her hooves before me, like a tiny eager Pinkie Pie. Something was off, though…
我不由自主地盯着那块血迹斑斑的硬纸板。我皱了皱眉头...什么，这是'MaresasFoals'部的版本吗？其中一张卡片上，粉红色的小雌马咧嘴笑着，在我面前的马蹄上跳来跳去，就像一只渴望的小粉红派。不过有点不对劲。
“So… what are we playing?” I asked.
"那么......我们在玩什么?"我问道。
“You tell me. Are we playing Go Fish, or are we playing Blackjack?” I closed my eyes with a groan.
"你告诉我。我们是在玩钓鱼游戏，还是在玩黑杰克?"我呻吟着闭上了眼睛。
“I am sick of playing,” I muttered softly, shaking my head.
"我玩腻了,"我轻轻地咕哝着，摇着头。
“Well, you should have taken my advice and left before now. Got any fours?” he asked with a wan smile.
""那么，你应该听我的劝告，在这之前就离开。有四块钱的吗?"他带着苍白的微笑问道。
“Oh, ‘I told you so’. Very classy. Go Fish,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. He drew a card, and of course it was a four. He showed it to me; four stars for diamonds. Probably had the deck stacked. “I hate that name.” Then I looked at him. “So… why are you here, Dealer? Gloating? Helping? Or is it just fun to fuck with me like this?”
"哦,'我早就告诉过你'。非常经典。"钓鱼去吧,"我咕哝着，翻着白眼。他抽了一张牌，当然是四。他拿给我看，四星钻石。可能是他们自作自受。"我讨厌这个名字。"然后我看着他。"那么......你为什么来这里，庄家？幸灾乐祸？帮忙？还是像这样耍我只是为了好玩?"
“I’m here… because a long, long time ago, a pony I respected immensely asked me to sacrifice my life. To be eternally bonded to a megaspell to prevent the destruction of the country he wanted to save more than anything,” he said as he drew a card. “And I’m talking to you because in about a minute a pony is going to be putting a bullet through your head and taking me to Goddesses know where for Goddesses know what. I’m using every bit of my strength to try and break you out of here before that happens.”
"我在这里......因为很久很久以前，一匹我尊敬的小马让我牺牲自己的生命。为了永远和一个巨大的国家联系在一起，以防止国家毁灭，他最想拯救的就是这个国家,"他抽出一张卡片说道。"我之所以和你说话，是因为再过一分钟，一匹小马就会把子弹穿过你的脑袋，带我去女神知道的地方。我正在用尽一切力量，试图在这一切发生之前把你救出去。"
I sighed and laid the cards flat, closed my eyes, and waited. I had no idea how long, but it had to be longer than a minute. “Guess you need a new watch, Dealer.”
我叹了口气，把卡片放平，闭上眼睛，等待着。我不知道要多久，但肯定要超过一分钟。"我想你需要一块新手表了，经销商。"
“Not a minute here. A minute real time. This place isn’t real,” he said as he looked around. “Nice room, by the way. Who’s your decorator?”
"一分钟也不行。实时一分钟。这个地方不是真的,"他边说边环顾四周。"顺便说一句，房间不错。你的室内设计师是谁?"
I groaned again. “So. Let me guess. You’re here to tell me this is all make-believe. A fantasy created by my mind to blah blah blah… Right?” I took a deep breath. “You’re every bit as bad as Trueblood. He won’t tell me what I did. You speak in cryptic riddles just to fuck with me.”
我又呻吟起来。"所以。让我猜猜。你是来告诉我这一切都是假的。一个由我的大脑创造的幻想......对吧?"我深吸了一口气。"你和楚布拉德一样坏。他不肯告诉我我做了什么。你用神秘的谜语说话，只是为了和我作对。"
“Well, everypony needs a hobby,” he rasped quietly as he looked around the hospital room. “This isn’t real, Blackjack. At least, not entirely. Got to give it to this place, it knows how to mix together truth and lies. You’re in Happyhorn Gardens. You turned yourself in to the machines, and the hospital has admitted you as a patient. You’ve been plugged into one of their dream machines to try and help you. But the Harbingers are here and they’re slowly but surely blasting their way into this place. The hospital’s security can’t hold them off forever. Especially with that tank out there lobbing shells.”
"好吧，每匹小马都需要一个爱好,"他一边看着病房一边轻声地说。"这不是真的，Blackjack。至少，不完全是这样。要把它交给这个地方，它知道如何混合真理和谎言。你现在在乐角花园。你向机器自首，医院接纳你为病人。你已经接入了他们的梦想机器，试图帮助你。但是先驱者就在这里，他们正在缓慢但坚定地爆破进入这个地方。医院的保安不可能永远挡住他们。特别是外面那辆坦克正在发射炮弹。"
I shuddered as I looked at the card of the smiling pink filly, her face smeared with blood. “What if I shouldn’t leave, Dealer? What if I should just let them take me and kill me?” I said softly as tears ran down my face. “I can’t keep going on like this. I’m killing… fuck… Dealer, do you know what I did? I cut a pegasus’s wing off… cut it off! I gutted another like he was a radhog. I didn’t even blink, and I cut him into pieces. I nearly ripped Dusk’s face off!” I said as I lay back in the pillow. “Why shouldn’t I believe Trueblood? I’m sick! I’m dangerous! I’m a fucking psychopath!”
当我看着那张面带微笑的粉红色小母马的名片，她的脸上沾满了血迹时，我不寒而栗。""要是我不走呢，庄家？如果我就这样让他们把我带走然后杀了我呢?"我轻声地说，泪水顺着脸颊流下来。"我不能再这样下去了。我在杀...操...毒贩子，你知道我做了什么吗？我砍掉了一匹飞马的翅膀，砍掉它！我把另一个人开膛破肚，好像他是一个雷达猪。我连眼睛都没眨一下就把他切成了碎片。我差点把黄昏的脸撕下来!"我躺在枕头上说。""我为什么不能相信楚布拉德呢？我病了！我是个危险人物！我他妈就是个神经病!"
“No… you’re not,” he replied. “You may be many things, but a psychopath isn’t
"不......你不是,"他回答。"你可能有很多身份，但精神变态者没有
one of them. You wouldn’t whine nearly as much if you were.”
其中一个。如果是的话，你就不会抱怨那么多了。"
I laughed bitterly, shaking my head. “Well… I might not be that, but you haven’t exactly provided me with a lot of reasons to trust you. Maybe Trueblood is right. Maybe you really are some crazy, paranoid part of myself that just lives to tear me down! Why should I believe you? Why in Equestria should I trust you?” I sniffed, feeling the tears. “You tell me you’re sick of playing games… but that’s all you’ve ever done to me… played games.”
我苦笑着，摇着头。"嗯......我可能不是那样的人，但是你并没有给我足够的理由来相信你。也许真布拉德是对的。也许你真的是一些疯狂的，偏执的我自己的一部分，只是生活撕毁我！我为什么要相信你？在Equestria，我凭什么要相信你?"我闻了闻，感受着泪水。"你告诉我你厌倦了玩游戏......但这就是你对我所做的一切......玩游戏。"
He looked… troubled. It was an odd look on his usually smug face.
他看起来...很不安。他平时那张洋洋得意的脸上露出了奇怪的表情。
I closed my eyes, tossing the cards aside. “If Trueblood can help me… fine. If some Harbinger kills me while I’m hooked up to a machine… fine. But don’t come here pretending like you want to help me and then don’t. That’s just… mean…” I finished lamely.
我闭上眼睛，把牌扔到一边。"如果楚布拉德能帮我......好吧。如果某个先驱者在我和机器连接的时候杀了我...好吧。但是不要来这里假装你想帮我，然后又不帮。那只是......卑鄙......"我一瘸一拐地说完。
“I worked for Goldenblood,” he said quietly. “I was his personal assistant in the final years of the war.”
"我为金血王工作,"他平静地说。"在战争的最后几年，我是他的私人助理。"
Slowly, I cracked open an eye and looked at him. He had his head bowed so his hat blocked his eyes. “A name would be nice, Dealer.”
慢慢地，我睁开一只眼睛看着他。他低着头，帽子挡住了他的眼睛。"有个名字就好了，庄家。"
“Dealer is a better name than I deserve,” he replied. “You’re not the only pony ashamed of who they are and atoning for mistakes they’ve made. For three years I followed him as he went about working behind the scenes to try and bring some end to the war. I abandoned friends who needed me, ignored family that reached out to me. Because I believed that Goldenblood could somehow fix everything wrong in Equestria.” He sighed softly, regretfully. “I had faith in him.”
"'庄家'这个名字实在是太好了,"他回答道。"你不是唯一一个为自己感到羞耻并为自己所犯的错误赎罪的小马。我跟随他在幕后工作了三年，试图结束这场战争。我抛弃了需要我的朋友，忽视了向我伸出援手的家人。因为我相信金血王能够以某种方式解决Equestria的所有问题。"他轻轻地、遗憾地叹了口气。"我对他有信心。"
“And… he bound you to EC-1101?” I asked, and he nodded. “Why?”
"然后......他把你绑定到EC-1101?"我问道，他点了点头。"为什么?"
“He was concerned that there was a plot to usurp the government from within,” he said slowly. “He ran constant scenarios and possibilities. An attempt by the aristoponies to install their own ruler. Even something as innocent as Celestia changing her mind once more and attempting to return to the throne was something he planned for. And above everything else was his fear that the Ministry Mares would seek to depose Luna and take control of the kingdom outright.”
"他担心有一个从内部篡夺政府的阴谋,"他慢吞吞地说。"他不断设想各种情况和可能性。反叛分子企图安置他们自己的统治者。即使是天真无邪的塞莱斯蒂安再次改变主意，试图重返王位也是他的计划。最重要的是，他害怕魔法部的母马会试图废黜月神，并且完全控制王国。"
“What?” I gaped at him and then laughed. “That’s crazier than me…” Then I looked around my room and back at him. “Okay… almost as crazy as me.” Wait. Are you crazy if you think you’re crazy? I wasn’t precisely sure how that worked.
"什么?"我目瞪口呆地看着他，然后大笑起来。"那比我还疯狂......"然后我环顾了一下我的房间，又回头看了看他。"好吧......几乎和我一样疯狂。"等等。如果你认为自己疯了，你是不是疯了？我不是很确定这是怎么回事。
“Why not?” he asked as he looked me in the eye. “Who else in Equestria had the means, the motive, and the opportunity to take the country for themselves? Twilight and her friends hated the war. What better way to hasten its end than to depose Luna and negotiate peace directly? They could have done it, too. Do you have any idea how many diplomatic overtures the zebras made to the ministries near the end of the war? It was a nightmare. And we had no idea if the Ministry Mares were truly loyal to Princess Luna. Were they working to their own ends? Why else would Twilight research how to create alicorns if not to turn herself into one and rule as Princess Twilight? Or perhaps all her friends together as the Ministry Princesses?” He began to pace back and forth. “You have to understand, it wouldn’t be the first time Twilight and her friends stood against Luna. They could simply claim she’d reverted to Nightmare Moon once more.”
"为什么不呢?"他看着我的眼睛问道。"在Equestria，还有谁有手段、动机和机会独占这个国家？黄昏和她的朋友们痛恨这场战争。还有什么比废黜卢娜，直接谈判和平更好的办法来加速它的结束呢？他们也可以这么做。你知道战争快结束时，这些斑马向各部提出了多少外交建议吗？简直是一场噩梦。我们不知道魔法部的母马是否真的忠于卢娜公主。他们是在为自己的目的工作吗？要不然为什么暮光之城会研究如何创造出一些海洋生物，如果不把自己变成海洋生物并统治暮光之城公主呢？或者她所有的朋友都是魔法部的公主?"他开始来回踱步。"你要明白，这不是第一次暮光之城和她的朋友们站在一起反对卢娜了。他们可以简单地宣称她又回到了梦魇之月。"
“But that’s… that’s insane! Twilight wouldn’t do that!” I gaped at him.
"但这...这太疯狂了！暮光之城不会这么做的!"我目瞪口呆地看着他。
“Wouldn’t she? If she was certain it was the only way to end the fighting?” he countered firmly, and then relented a little. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe she wouldn’t have. But Goldenblood had to plan for the contingency. He had to be ready. He was against EC-1101, against anything that made Luna’s assassination an immediate transfer of power. It was a system ripe for exploitation. And the closer things got to the end, the more certain Goldenblood was that somepony was attempting to use EC-1101 to replace Luna.”
""不是吗？如果她确定这是结束战争的唯一方法?"他坚定地反击，然后让步了一点。"也许你是对的。也许她不会这么做。但是金血王必须为意外事件做好准备。他必须做好准备。他反对EC-1101，反对任何使暗杀卢娜成为立即权力交接的事情。这是一个可以利用的成熟制度。事情越接近尾声，黄金血统就越肯定有人想用EC-1101代替露娜。"
I groaned and shook my head. “I think being crazy is just easier.” I stared up at that ceiling. “So, if you’re right… I’m stuck in my own mind and about to get shot. And if Trueblood is right… my brain is so damaged it’ll be better just to let them scrub it clean and hope for the best.” I shook my head with a sigh, lying back against the soft mattress. “I don’t even know why I’m here.”
我呻吟着摇了摇头。"我觉得疯狂更简单。"我抬头盯着天花板。"所以，如果你是对的......我被困在自己的脑海里，即将被枪击。如果楚布拉德是对的......我的大脑已经受到严重损伤，最好还是让他们把它擦干净，然后期待最好的结果。"我叹了口气，摇了摇头，躺在柔软的床垫上。"我甚至不知道我为什么会在这里。"
“Why else would you be here?” Dealer replied. “You did something bad, Blackjack. And you knew it, but you didn’t want to deal with it. Still can’t deal with it. So you’re here. The machine is trying to help put your mind back together again, but it’s not working. And the attack by the Harbingers isn’t making things any easier.”
"不然你为什么会在这里?"庄家回答。"你做了件坏事，Blackjack。你知道，但是你不想面对。还是没办法处理。所以你来了。这台机器正试图帮助你的大脑重新恢复正常，但它不起作用。而"先驱者"的袭击并没有让事情变得更容易。"
I looked around the hospital room. “Why’d it make the hospital? Why not… like… my stable?”
我环顾了一下医院的病房。"为什么要建医院？为什么不......喜欢......我的马厩?"
“It tried,” he replied. “Believe it or not, this is the third attempt it’s made trying to piece your brain together. First time was your stable… it wasn’t pretty. Then it tried putting you back in Chapel… that went worse. So now this,” Dealer said as he gestured with his hoof. “It’s mixing what it knows with what’s in your head. If it used things you knew too well… like your friends… you’d realize it was messing with you. If it used nothing from your own memories, nothing would be convincing. It’s shuffling your neuroses and fears, trying to get you to face what you did.”
"它试过了,"他回答。"信不信由你，这已经是它第三次尝试将你的大脑拼接起来了。第一次是你的马厩...不怎么好看。然后又想把你送回教堂...结果更糟。"现在就是这样,"庄家边说边用蹄子做了个手势。"它把它所知道的和你头脑中的混合在一起。如果它使用了你太熟悉的东西......比如你的朋友......你会意识到它把你搞得一团糟。如果它没有使用你自己的记忆，没有什么是令人信服的。它在洗牌你的神经质和恐惧，试图让你面对你所做的事情。"
“And what did I do?” I asked sharply as I looked over at him. “Nopony will tell me that!” How could I be responsible if I didn’t even know what I’d done wrong?
"我做了什么?"我一边看着他，一边尖锐地问道。"小马不会告诉我的!"如果我都不知道自己做错了什么，又怎么能对此负责呢？
“Because the simulation broke you when it did. Both times,” he said softly, concern in his eyes. “You were told… you snapped… and you didn’t come back,” he said as he shook his head. “I don’t think it can help you. Not like this. The only thing that can help you is… you.”
"因为模拟一旦发生，你就会崩溃。两次都是,"他温柔地说，眼睛里充满了关切。"你被告知......你崩溃了......你没有回来,"他摇着头说。"我认为这对你没有帮助。不是这样的。唯一能帮助你的就是你自己。"
Well… that was profound. “And how do you suggest I do that? I’m not exactly smart at this whole… brain… thing.”
好吧...那真是意义深远。""那你建议我怎么做呢？我不太擅长这个......大脑......的东西。"
“Break it,” he replied. “The program is trying to convince you that this is real. Push it. When it snaps, you should have your opportunity. After that…” He gave a tiny shrug and a sigh. “It’s all I can think of.”
"打破它,"他回答。"这个项目试图让你相信这是真的。按一下。当它崩溃的时候，你应该有你的机会。然后......"他微微地耸了耸肩，叹了口气。"我只能想到这个。"
Well, it was more than I could think of. I smiled a little. “Oh. Well, I should be able to manage that. I’m good at making a mess of things.” Like Harbingers.
比我能想到的还要多。我微微一笑。"哦。我应该能处理好的。我擅长把事情搞得一团糟。"就像先驱者。
“The simulation is taxed to capacity. If you can get the program to fault, it will become unstable. If it becomes unstable, you’ll have a very thin window to try and fix yourself.” He looked around. “If I’m not mistaken, it’s already faulted twice and reset its simulations, just not enough to completely destabilize it. You just need to give it that extra push.”
"这个模拟系统已经超负荷运转。如果你能让程序出错，它就会变得不稳定。如果它变得不稳定，你将有一个非常薄的窗口来尝试和修复自己。"他环顾四周。"如果我没弄错的话，它已经出错两次并重置了模拟，但还不足以完全破坏它的稳定。你只需要给它额外的推力。"
“So… you want me to break the program that’s holding my mind in the hope… the chance… it’ll get me out of here?” I asked, arching my brow. He nodded once, and I sighed, shaking my head. “What if I don’t believe you? What if this
"所以......你想让我打破这个让我心存希望的程序......这个机会......它能让我离开这里?"我问道，扬起了眉毛。他点了点头，我叹了口气，摇了摇头。"如果我不相信你呢？如果这个
is… real…?”
是...真的...?"
“Then you can’t break it. In which case, make the best life you can. But I think you know better, Blackjack. You’re not Go Fish. This isn’t your world.”
"那么你就不能破坏它。在这种情况下，尽你所能去过最好的生活。但我觉得你知道的更多Blackjack。你不是去钓鱼。这不是你的世界。"
I lay back, suddenly fighting tears. “I saw Mom again, Dealer. I mean… she’s alive here. And sure, my life is messed up, but maybe… maybe… I can fix it. Maybe I can make it right.”
我躺下，突然强忍着眼泪。"我又见到妈妈了，商人。我是说...她还活着。当然，我的生活一团糟，但也许...也许...我可以弥补。也许我可以弥补。"
But no matter how I closed my eyes and tried to make it feel true, it didn’t. I thought how flat Octavia’s music had sounded. How the time just blurred together. The odd little lapses and the two visions with Fluttershy and Jetstream. I’d known the flavor of carrots and apples, but I’d never eaten celery before; was that why it’d had no taste? It could simulate sights and images from the hospital or things I remembered, but not things I didn’t know.
但无论我如何闭上眼睛，努力让它感觉真实，它都没有。我想奥克塔维亚的音乐听起来是多么平淡无奇。时光如何模糊在一起。那些奇怪的小失误，还有那两个关于Fluttershy和Jetstream的幻想。我知道胡萝卜和苹果的味道，但是我以前从来没有吃过芹菜;这就是为什么它没有味道的原因吗？它可以模拟医院里的景象和图像，或者我记得的事情，但不是我不知道的事情。
I sniffed, turning my head away. “This place isn’t real, Blackjack,” he said quietly, putting his hoof on mine.
我闻了闻，转过头去。"这个地方不是真的，Blackjack,"他平静地说，把他的蹄子放在我的上面。
“I know,” I whispered.
"我知道,"我低声说。
But that didn’t stop some parts of me from wishing it was.
但这并没有阻止我内心的某些希望。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
All it’d taken was a long blink, and Harpica entered once more. Had I really been here weeks and months, or had it all been just a few hours in the real world? No wonder I didn’t feel rested or relaxed. No surprise the therapy machine hadn’t been able to work with my fatigued brain. I made the same replies to Harpica. Yes. A music concert in the courtyard would be wonderful. I’d love to hear Octavia play.
一眨眼的功夫，哈皮卡又进来了。我是真的在这里呆了几个星期甚至几个月，还是在现实世界里只待了几个小时？难怪我感觉不到休息和放松。毫无疑问，治疗机无法治疗我疲惫的大脑。我对Harpica也作出了同样的回复。是的。在院子里举行一场音乐会将是非常棒的。我想听奥克塔维亚演奏。
As I was wheeled along the curving halls, I picked out the patterns I’d seen day after day. The three doctors standing exactly where they had been every time I’d been wheeled along. The same cookies on the little table beside the main entrance. I could almost cue Lighthooves’s nervous look. It wasn’t completely consistent; the program wasn’t that bad. In the courtyard, instead of seeing Jetstream, there was Octavia playing her flat, familiar music. The stage was exactly like the memory I’d seen her perform in.
当我被推着沿着弯曲的大厅走的时候，我挑出了我日复一日看到的图案。每次我被推过去的时候，那三个医生都站在他们曾经站过的地方。同样的饼干放在大门旁边的小桌子上。我几乎可以暗示他紧张的表情。这并不是完全一致的，程序也没那么糟糕。在院子里，不是看着Jetstream，而是Octavia在演奏她熟悉的公寓音乐。那个舞台就像是我看过她表演的那个场景。
The orderlies pushed me past doors marked with the four stars… four stars… why was that significant?
勤务人员推着我走过标有四星......四星......的门，这有什么重要的？
What had I done? I remembered fighting in the Yellow River camp. I’d nearly killed Dusk; I hoped that she survived… and that Glory would forgive me when she found out. I’d been tired. Hurt. Alone. I was running on horror and hate and hurt away from more people I’d damaged simply by being around them. I thought of Xanthe’s proclamation that I was cursed.
我做了什么？我记得在黄河营地的战斗。我差点杀了黄昏;我希望她能活下来......当晨辉发现的时候，她会原谅我。我累了。受伤。一个人。我在恐惧、仇恨和伤害中奔跑，远离那些我仅仅因为和他们在一起而伤害过的人。我想起了赞斯的宣言，说我被诅咒了。
Maybe I was.
也许是吧。
I’d found a hole on the yellow hillside to the southeast of the camp. It’d been some sort of half-finished construction site. ‘Four Stars Transportation’. There’d been a rail tunnel nearby, but I’d avoided that. Inside the construction site had been a dead end. A heavy door marked with four stars… heavy like stable heavy. No numbers, though. No navigation tag on my PipBuck either to give me a clue.
我在营地东南的黄色山坡上发现了一个洞。这是某种半成品的建筑工地。四星级运输。附近有一条铁路隧道，但我避开了。建筑工地内部是一条死胡同。一扇沉重的门，上面标着四颗星......沉重得像马厩。不过没有数字。我的PipBuck上也没有导航标签给我提示。
I’d tried to open it with EC-1101… but it hadn’t worked.
我试过用EC-1101打开它......但是没有用。
Then… I’d been attacked? Seekers in the rain? It’d been twilight; I hadn’t seen them well. It had been a short and nasty fight. But I’d killed them all with my steel hooves… smashed them in the rain...
然后...我被袭击了？雨中的探索者？那是黄昏时分，我没有看清楚他们。这是一场短暂而艰苦的战斗。但是我用我的铁蹄杀死了他们...在雨中把他们打得粉碎..。
And then… what’d happened… I’d killed the Seekers and then… then… something.
然后...发生了什么...我杀了搜寻者然后...然后...发生了一些事。
Was that why I was here? That something I couldn’t remember?
这就是我来这儿的原因吗？是我不记得的事吗？
I looked at all the books on the shelves, the pictures on the desk. Even Trueblood’s behavior. “Well, Go Fish, how are we today?” the maroon unicorn enquired as if everything was just fine. Exactly as he had every day. I wondered if whatever doctor had used this office had said that same patronizing line over and over, or if the programming just made it sound that way.
我看了看书架上所有的书，桌子上的照片。甚至特鲁布拉德的行为。"哦，钓鱼去吧，今天过得怎么样?"栗色的独角兽询问一切是否都很好。就像他每天做的那样。我在想，不管是哪个医生用过这间办公室，他是不是一遍又一遍地说着同样的施恩于人的台词，还是节目只是让它听起来像那样。
So… how to break it? I couldn’t just accuse Trueblood of being an illusion. He’d just send me back into the little filly room. Uggghhh… I needed a smart pony here. Somepony that could figure out a way to break a machine that was all data and magic lights. Somepony that had read all those fancy books on the bookcase.
那么...怎么破解呢？我不能指责楚布拉德只是一个幻觉。他会把我送回那个小姑娘的房间。我需要一匹聪明的小马。一些小马，可以找到一种方法，以打破一个机器，所有的数据和魔术灯。一匹小马已经读完了书架上所有那些花俏的书。
Wait. Had the computer read all those fancy books?
等等。计算机读过那些花哨的书了吗？
That’s it.
就是这样。
“Well, Doctor. I know I did something bad. And I know that I’m having trouble remembering what that something was.” Trueblood nodded, his smile growing. “And I also know that I keep hurting ponies, and I don’t know why. I… I’m sometimes not even aware I’m doing it.”
"好吧，医生。我知道我做了坏事。我知道我很难记起那些东西是什么。"特鲁布拉德点点头，笑容越来越灿烂。"我也知道我一直在伤害小马，我不知道为什么。我。.有时候我甚至不知道自己在做什么。"
“Yes, Blackjack. That’s why you’re here. So that you can remember what you did and come to terms with it and prevent it from happening again,” he said softly.
"是的，黑杰克。这就是你在这里的原因。这样你就可以记住你做过什么，然后接受它，防止它再次发生。"。
I bowed my head. “You can unlock me, Doctor. I’m not going anywhere. Because you’re right. I do need help,” I said with a small smile. “I won’t cause a fuss anymore. I promise.” He now looked wary at my change in attitude. I sniffed as I leaned back in the chair, feeling the tears run down my cheeks. “And I want you to help me. Because… I don’t know how to help myself anymore. I’m so frustrated and scared that I’m going to fly apart… and hurt someone bad. And I understand now you really do want to help me.”
我低下了头。"你可以帮我开锁，医生。我哪儿也不去。因为你是对的。我确实需要帮助,"我微笑着说。"我不会再大惊小怪了。我保证。"他现在对我态度的转变表示警惕。我靠在椅子上抽了抽鼻子，感觉眼泪顺着脸颊流了下来。"我希望你能帮助我。因为...我不知道该怎么帮自己了。我是如此的沮丧和害怕，以至于我将要飞离......并且伤害某个人。我现在明白了，你真的想帮我。"
“Go Fish. I never expected this…” he murmured, looking almost scared. “This is quite a breakthrough. I know you’ve never trusted us here at Happyhorn. Perhaps we should stop here. Ruminate and reflect on what this means. Perhaps you’d like to go to another of Octavia’s concerts? With your mother?”
"去钓鱼吧。我从来没有想到会这样......"他低声说，看上去几乎是害怕了。"这是一个重大突破。我知道你在Happyhorn从来不信任我们。也许我们应该就此打住。反复思考这意味着什么。也许你想去奥克塔维亚的另一场演唱会？和你妈妈一起?"
I really would like that. I sniffed and I shook my head slowly. Even if it wasn’t Octavia… even if it wasn’t Mom… I still wanted it.
我真的很乐意。我闻了闻，慢慢地摇了摇头。就算不是奥克塔维娅...就算不是妈妈...我还是想要。
“No. Doctor, I only want you to do one thing. Please. It will help a lot,” I said as I sat there. “Unlock me. I want to see your books. I won’t try and escape. I promise.” I didn’t fight. I didn’t jerk against my restraints. I simply waited.
"没有。医生，我只想让你做一件事。求你了。这会有很大的帮助,"我坐在那里说。"给我解开。我想看看你的书。我不会试图逃跑。我保证。"我没有反抗。我没有扭动我的手铐。我只是在等待。
The room gave a momentary flicker. Then his horn glowed and he carefully removed my restraints. I rubbed my legs; I remembered how they’d felt as flesh and blood. My body being alive and healthy like it was now. I trotted towards the books. They had all kinds of dry-sounding titles like ‘The Physiology of the Mind’ and ‘A Brief Reflection on Unicorn Psychology’. I bit that one and pulled it off the shelf.
房间里瞬间闪烁了一下。然后他的号角发出光芒，他小心翼翼地解开了我的束缚。我揉了揉我的腿，我想起了它们曾经的血肉之躯。我的身体像现在一样健康活泼。我小跑着走向书本。他们有各种听起来干巴巴的书名，比如《心理生理学》和《独角兽心理学简论》。我咬了一口，把它从架子上拿了下来。
Inside were words… lots and lots of words. “What are you looking for, Go Fish? I never took you for a reader…”
里面是文字......很多很多的文字。"你在找什么，钓鱼吗？我从来不认为你是一个读者......"
Mmmm… I’d expected… Wait. Of course it would have psychology texts. But if it had pulled parts from my mind as well... “I was wondering if you have any copies of Daring Do?” I’d read them in Stable 99, sort of…
嗯......我以为......等等。当然会有心理学教科书。但是如果它也从我的脑海中抽走了一部分的话......"我想知道你们有没有《勇敢的行为》的拷贝?"我在《稳定99》里读过，有点..。
A momentary pause. It wanted to help me. I could imagine it thinking: will copies of Daring Do help her get better? Would it take the chance?
一个短暂的停顿。它想帮助我。我可以想象她在想:《大胆》的复制品会帮助她变得更好吗？它会冒这个险吗？
Then I spotted it. ‘Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone’. And four other Daring Do books. I remembered Textbook assigning them for reading after the copious lectures about how the outside was death and how it was absolutely impossible to try and relive Daring Do’s adventures unless the Overmare allowed it. Now I pulled them out carefully and sat.
然后我发现了它。《大胆行动与寻找蓝宝石》。还有其他四本DaringDo的书。我记得教科书给他们布置阅读任务，在大量的讲座之后，关于外界如何是死亡，以及如何绝对不可能尝试和重温DaringDo的冒险经历，除非噩梦允许。现在我小心翼翼地把它们拿出来，坐在那里。
“You like Daring Do?” he asked guardedly.
"你喜欢DaringDo吗?"他谨慎地问道。
“Not really,” I said as I opened the book in my lap and started to turn the pages. The words became fuzzier and fuzzier. And then ten pages in… turned blank. “Actually, I never got past chapter one.” And the others I hadn’t read at all. I opened the next, but the pages inside were completely blank.
"没有,"我边说边把书放在膝盖上翻开，开始翻页。词语变得越来越模糊。然后十页纸...变成了空白。"事实上，我从未读完过第一章。"其他的我根本没有读过。我打开了第二页，但里面的页面完全空白。
“It… A bad printing?” Trueblood said, the maroon unicorn giving a sickly grin as he backed away. He kept pausing, then moving, pausing, then moving. The flickering along the bookshelves grew. I saw titles changing before my eyes.
"这...是坏印刷吗?"特鲁布拉德说，栗色的独角兽退开时露出了病态的笑容。他不停地停顿，然后移动，停顿，然后移动。书架上忽隐忽现的东西越来越多。我看到标题在我眼前变化。
“It’s not a bad printing. It’s not real. And neither are you,” I said as I rose to my hooves. “You loved your family. You cherished them. Can you tell me anything about them? Did you take your sons to hoofball? How about their favorite book? Did your wife cook? Who did the dishes? Where’d you go on vacation?” I asked as I advanced slowly, step by step. With each question he paused, with each pause the office shimmered and became more vague and indistinct.
"这是一个不错的印刷。这不是真的。你也不是,"我说着站起身来。"你爱你的家人。你珍惜他们。你能告诉我一些关于他们的事情吗？你带你儿子去踢足球了吗？他们最喜欢的书怎么样？你妻子做饭了吗？谁洗的盘子？你去哪里度假了?"我一步一步慢慢地向前走，问道。每问一个问题，他就停顿一下，每停顿一下，办公室就变得模糊不清。
“We’re trying to help you!” Trueblood begged, becoming plainer with every flicker. “Please let us help you!” Now images of the real world were bleeding through. The pastel walls evaporated to show the dirty, dingy brown stains. The books lay black and soggy on their shelving; half of them had tumbled down in a pulpy cascade. Then new walls appeared, the gray steel of Stable 99. The star-decorated walls of my home in Chapel. The hallways of the Fluttershy Medical Center. Vanity’s bedroom. Again and again it tried to latch on to the idea of some place it could put me.
"我们是来帮你的!"真布拉德乞求着，一闪一闪地变得越来越清楚。"请让我们帮助你!"现在，真实世界的图像正在流血。柔和的墙壁被蒸发掉，显示出肮脏、肮脏的棕色污渍。书架上的书又黑又湿，一半已经像瀑布一样滚落下来。然后新的墙壁出现了，马厩99的灰钢。我家小教堂里星星装饰的墙。Fluttershy医疗中心的走廊。瓦妮特的卧室。它一次又一次地试图抓住它能把我安置在某个地方的念头。
“You can’t help me,” I said to Trueblood. “I wish you could.”
"你帮不了我,"我对楚布拉德说。"我希望你可以。"
And with that, the simulation shattered and the world went black and silent.
就这样，模拟被打破，世界变得黑暗和寂静。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
Once more I was in darkness, but this wasn’t simply an absence of sight. This was an absence of anything at all. “Hello?” I asked softly. No echo, but I thought I heard something in the darkness. I cast my light spell, and a tiny white star blossomed to life above me. It illuminated the cracked asphalt under my hooves. My eyes took in the words painted there long ago.
我又一次陷入了黑暗之中，但这不仅仅是视线的缺失。这是一种什么都不存在的状态。"喂?"我轻声问道。没有回音，但我想我在黑暗中听到了什么。我施展了我的光魔法，一颗小小的白色星星在我头顶绽放出生命的花朵。它照亮了我马蹄下裂开的沥青路面。我的眼睛注视着很久以前画在那里的文字。
‘Mercy’.
仁慈。
I was on a bridge in the middle of space. I couldn’t hear water flowing nor feel the slightest stir of air. But I wasn’t alone in the vast nothingness. Something shimmered in the air by the rusty, battered rail. “Hello?”
我在太空中的一座桥上。我听不到水流的声音，也感觉不到一丝空气的动静。但是我并不是孤独地生活在茫茫的虚无之中。铁轨锈迹斑斑，破旧不堪，有什么东西在空中闪闪发光。"喂?"
For a moment, the shimmer condensed and solidified. The sparkles covering it grew. “Why won’t you let us help you?” a voice asked. Maybe a filly, maybe a colt. It was a small voice, though. “We cannot devise a therapy simulation that will help you.” Slowly, I looked at it and imagined Scotch Tape. The shimmers and sparkles turned green and blue, and then the image of my young friend appeared. She sniffed, rubbing her teary eyes. “None of our requests to the Ministry of Peace have been returned, and we’ve paged every doctor in the directory. None have responded. We lack the necessary contexts and memories to create an appropriate simulated world for treating your mental illness.”
有那么一瞬间，微光凝结了。覆盖在它上面的闪闪发光的东西长大了。"你为什么不让我们帮你?"一个声音问道。也许是匹小母马，也许是匹小马。不过，这是一个微弱的声音。"我们不能设计一个治疗模拟来帮助你。"慢慢地，我看着它，想象着透明胶带。微光和闪光变成了绿色和蓝色，然后我年轻的朋友的形象出现了。她吸着鼻子，揉着含泪的眼睛。"我们向和平部提出的所有要求都没有得到回复，我们呼叫了目录中的所有医生。没有人回应。我们缺乏必要的背景和记忆来创造一个适当的模拟世界来治疗你的精神疾病。"
“I must be the worst patient ever,” I said as I sat down beside her. “You’re Happyhorn’s computer… thing?”
"我一定是有史以来最糟糕的病人,"我在她身边坐下时说。"你是海皮霍恩的电脑......东西?"
She nodded and sniffed. “Happyhorn Gardens. A place to treat wartime stress disorder in patients where simple memory manipulation spells are insufficient.” She closed her eyes. “We haven’t had an actual patient in so long. Trespassers, yes… but never a patient. And it’s been so long since any of the doctors or staff have logged in. We’ve just been standing by, even as our nodes have been failing one after the next. We’re at only twelve percent of our original capacity.”
她点点头，抽了抽鼻子。「乐角花园」。在简单的记忆操作咒语不足以治疗战时应激障碍的患者中，这是一个治疗场所。"她闭上了眼睛。"我们已经很久没有真正的病人了。入侵者，是的...但从来不是病人。已经很久没有医生或工作人员登录了。我们一直在等待，即使我们的节点一个接一个地失效。我们的产能只有原来的12%。"
“And so I came here needing help... and you plugged me in.”
"所以我来这里需要帮助......而你给我接上了电源。"
“Yes. Your data interface provided a much more direct contact than usual. Normally, we can only affect dreams to try to assist therapeutic techniques. With you, we were able to construct a fully integrated experience based on your memories and the recordings here at Happyhorn.” Then she sighed, pouting. “Except you kept seeing through it and regressing back to your self-destructive impulses.”
"是的。您的数据接口提供了比通常更直接的联系。正常情况下，我们只能通过辅助治疗技术来影响梦境。和你在一起，我们能够根据你的记忆和在Happyhorn这里的录音构建一个完全整合的体验。"然后她叹了口气，撅着嘴。"只不过你不断地看穿它，回归到自我毁灭的冲动中。"
“Self-destructive?” I asked with a nervous little smile. “I’m not that bad.” Am I?
"自毁?"我带着紧张的微笑问道。"我没那么坏。"是吗？
Glory, gray and lovely, walked out of the shadows. “You seek out situations that will expose you to ever greater harm, such as separating yourself from your friends. You associate with individuals that increase your chance of risk. You are reckless in the extreme because you are seeking your own annihilation. Even your sexual inclinations are oriented towards being excited by pain and punishment,” the image of the pegasus said pointedly. “The fact is, Blackjack, you are suicidal and have been for some time.”
晨辉，灰色和可爱，走出阴影。"你寻找那些会让你受到更大伤害的情况，比如把你和你的朋友分开。你与那些增加你风险机会的人交往。你们是极端的鲁莽，因为你们正在寻求你们自己的毁灭。甚至你的性倾向都是以痛苦和惩罚为导向的。"飞马的形象尖锐地指出。"事实是，Blackjack，你有自杀倾向，而且已经有一段时间了。"
I frowned and pointed my hoof… my flesh and blood hoof… at her. “Look. I was like that. I’m not anymore. I have hope and friends and… stuff…” I said and then suddenly flushed. “And I do not get off on pain and punishment!” Goddesses, she made me sound like Misty Hooves, the stable exhibitionist.
我皱起眉头，用我的蹄子...我的血肉的蹄子...看着她。"你看。我就是那样的人。我不再是了。我有希望，有朋友，还有......东西......"我说，然后突然脸红了。"我不喜欢痛苦和惩罚!"女神们，她让我听起来像米斯蒂·胡夫斯，一个坚定的裸露狂。
P-21 emerged next to Glory, whole and steady and annoyed. “Just because you think suicide is wrong doesn’t stop you from wanting it. The underlying trauma and psychological inclinations are still there.”
P-21紧挨着晨辉出现，整个人沉着而恼怒。"仅仅因为你认为自杀是错误的，并不能阻止你想要自杀。潜在的创伤和心理倾向仍然存在。"
“You fear sleep because of its connotations with death; because you simultaneously realize suicide is wrong and yet desire it,” Lacunae said as she drifted down from the darkness above.
"你害怕睡觉，因为它意味着死亡;因为你同时意识到自杀是错误的，但又渴望自杀,"拉库纳在从黑暗中走下来时说。
“And you increasingly hate yourself and what you are becoming,” Rampage said as she trotted out in all her glittering spikiness.
"而且你越来越讨厌你自己和你正在变成的样子,"朗格一边说一边用她那闪闪发光的尖牙炫耀着。
Scotch Tape shivered against me. “We’ve been trying to put you in calm, safe, controlled simulations for treatment… but you have violently rejected every single one.” She closed her eyes and started to cry. “We are bad. We’re not able to do what we are supposed to do.” All my friends lowered their eyes, looking ashamed.
透明胶带在我身上发抖。"我们一直试图让你进入平静、安全、可控的治疗模拟状态......但你粗暴地拒绝了每一种治疗。"她闭上眼睛，开始哭起来。"我们是坏人。我们不能做我们应该做的事情。"我所有的朋友都垂下了眼睛，看起来很羞愧。
I sighed and put my leg around her shoulder, hugging her tight. I thought of Ol’
我叹了口气，把腿搭在她的肩膀上，紧紧地抱着她。我想到了奥尔
Hank back in Hippocratic Research, left alone while the world died around him. “Hey, you tried. That’s more than a lot of people do nowadays. Now if you’ll just let me out of here…” I said as I looked around at the spooky bridge. I’d really had enough of this.
汉克回到希波克拉底研究中心，当世界在他周围死去的时候，他独自一人。"嘿，你尽力了。这比现在很多人做的还要多。现在，如果你能让我离开这里......"我边说边环顾那座幽灵般的桥。我真的受够了。
“We can’t…” said Glory.
"我们不能......"晨辉说。
I groaned, closing my eyes and banging my head softly against the rail behind me. “Of course not. That would be simple.”
我呻吟着，闭上眼睛，头轻轻地撞在身后的栏杆上。"当然不是。这很简单。"
“It’s not a matter of simplicity, Blackjack,” P-21 said gravely. “Our previous analysis of your personality has proved accurate. At the end of every simulation, you pursued self-destruction.”
"这不是简单不简单的问题，黑杰克,"P-21严肃地说。"我们之前对你性格的分析证明是准确的。在每次模拟的最后，你都在追求自我毁灭。"
“If we release you in this state, you’ll kill yourself,” Lacunae said solemnly. “Every simulation and prediction we’ve run assures it. You will kill yourself or allow another to do it for you.” The purple alicorn folded her wings, looking out at the darkness. “We exist to help patients, even if it is against their wishes to be helped.”
"如果我们在这种情况下释放你，你会自杀的,"拉库纳严肃地说。"我们运行的每一个模拟和预测都保证了这一点。你要么自杀，要么让别人替你自杀。"紫色的海角收起翅膀，望着黑暗。"我们的存在是为了帮助病人，即使这违背了他们希望得到帮助的愿望。"
“We cannot release you like this,” Scotch Tape sniffed as she looked up at me, her green eyes shimmering with tears. “We have to help you. That’s what Happyhorn is for. Helping.”
"我们不能这样释放你,"苏格兰磁带嗅了嗅，她看着我，她的绿色眼睛闪烁着眼泪。"我们必须帮助你。这就是乐喇叭的作用。帮助。"
I sighed and then stood. I walked to the edge of the section of bridge I could see. “There’s ponies trying to kill me in the real world, though.” I supposed I was damned either way.
我叹了口气，然后站了起来。我走到我能看见的桥的边缘。"不过，在现实世界里，有些小马要杀我。"我想不管怎样我都会被诅咒的。
“Hospital security is attempting to hamper their search however we can,” Lacunae said. “However, it appears inevitable that they will fully occupy the facility in--” And the purple alicorn suddenly stiffened. She threw back her head as if to scream, then exploded in a cloud of purple motes.
Lacunae说:"医院安全部门正试图阻碍他们的搜查，但我们可以做到。"。"然而，它们似乎不可避免地将完全占领设施在--"和紫果突然僵硬。她把头往后一仰，好像在尖叫，然后爆炸在一团紫色的尘埃中。
I stared where she’d disappeared. “What… what the hell was that?!” I knew she hadn’t been my friend... but still!
我盯着她消失的地方。"这...这到底是怎么回事?!"我知道她不是我的朋友......但还是！
“Her node was destroyed,” Scotch Tape said softly.
"她的淋巴结被破坏了,"ScotchTape轻声说。
“You mean you can die?” I gaped at the olive filly, who smiled sadly and nodded. Okay, maybe it wasn’t technically death, but destroyed was still
"你是说你可以死了?"我目瞪口呆地看着橄榄小姑娘，她伤心地笑了笑，点了点头。好吧，也许严格意义上来说不是死亡，但是被摧毁的仍然是
destroyed. “Okay… no more time to waste. If you won’t let me go till I’m better… then I’m going to have to get better.” I trotted across the patch of bridge, towards the other side. Far in the distance I could make out another tiny pool of illumination. “What’s that?”
破坏。"好吧......不要再浪费时间了。如果你不让我走，直到我好起来......那我就得好起来。"我小跑着穿过那片桥，向对岸走去。远处我可以看到另一个小小的照明池。"那是什么?"
“We don’t have a running simulation,” Rampage said as she stepped up beside me with a little smirk. “There aren’t any safety guides, protocols, or predictions, so it’s all a bit unknown. Your subconscious is painting these scenes and settings. We’re merely projecting them back upon your consciousness. So this is your party, Blackjack. Not ours.”
"我们没有跑步模拟器,"朗格走到我身边，带着一丝得意的笑容说。"没有任何安全指南、协议或预测，所以这一切都有点未知。你的潜意识正在描绘这些场景和背景。我们只是将它们投射回你的意识中。这就是你的派对了Blackjack。不是我们的。"
“You have to be careful though,” Glory added as she flew overhead. “If you die here, it’ll interrupt our connection and… well… we won’t be able to reestablish it. You’ll probably be killed by the feedback, and even if you survived that, we’d have no way to release you at all.” She landed opposite Rampage. “We still have some time. Perhaps we could try again. Create some kind of simulation to help your therapy safely?” she asked, her lips straining to maintain a hopeful smile.
"不过你得小心点,"晨辉在头顶上飞过时补充道。"如果你死在这里，它会中断我们的连接......嗯......我们将无法重建它。你可能会被反馈杀死，即使你幸免于难，我们也根本没有办法释放你。"她落在了狂暴的对面。"我们还有一些时间。也许我们可以再试一次。创建某种模拟来帮助你的治疗安全吗?"她问道，嘴唇绷得紧紧的，想保持一个充满希望的微笑。
I looked at her, wondering about her need to protect me. “Is this your personality... or are you acting like this because of me?”
我看着她，想知道她是否需要保护我。"这是你的个性......还是你这样做是因为我?"
Glory looked over at P-21 and then Rampage. Scotch Tape eyed Glory carefully for a moment. Then all four of them answered simultaneously, “Yes.”
晨辉看着P-21，然后是暴怒。透明胶带仔细地盯了晨辉一会儿。然后他们四个同时回答:"是的。"
I groaned, covering my face with my hoof. I should have known.
我呻吟着，用我的蹄子遮住我的脸。我早该知道的。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
We walked in complete silence; the bridge had given way to a crumbling road. The single light above me illuminated a patch for about twenty feet in every direction. According to my friends, time outside my head was moving at a ten thousandth the speed inside my head. The ‘month’ they’d spent trying to fix me had in reality only been about four hours or so. “So... how exactly does this work?” I asked as I looked at the crumbling asphalt under my hooves. “Why are my legs flesh and blood? Why a road? Why can’t I just be there?”
我们一声不响地走着，桥已经让位给一条破烂不堪的道路。我头顶上的一盏灯照亮了每个方向大约二十英尺的一块地方。据我的朋友说，我脑袋外面的时间以我脑袋里时间的万分之一的速度移动。他们花在治疗我身上的"一个月"实际上只有四个小时左右。"那么......这到底是怎么回事?"我一边问，一边看着我蹄子下面破碎的沥青。"为什么我的腿是血肉之躯？为什么是一条路？为什么我就不能在那里呢?"
“The road is your consciousness trying to lead you to the memories your subconscious is attempting to hide from you,” Glory said as she hovered overhead. The lack of glee in her eyes as she flew helped remind me that this wasn’t the mare I loved, but still, I felt better having her around. “The darkness
"这条路就是你的意识试图把你引向你的潜意识试图隐藏的记忆,"晨辉在头顶盘旋时说。她飞行时眼中缺乏的快乐提醒我，这不是我喜欢的那匹母马，但是，有她在身边，我感觉更好。"黑暗
is one of many obstacles your own mind will put in your way. It doesn’t want you to actively remember...”
是你自己的思想会给你设置的众多障碍之一。它不希望你主动记住......"
I started to come across bones. Bones scattered here and there, blackened and crumbling. “So... do I really need to remember?” I’d made it through most of my life not thinking about the big things. Sure, it’d led to some really messed up stuff, but it was still an option.
我开始发现骨头。骨头散落在这里和那里，变黑和碎裂。"那么......我真的需要记住吗?"我一生中的大部分时间都不去想那些大事情。当然，这会导致一些真正的混乱的东西，但它仍然是一个选择。
“The knowledge... the memory... is there. It’s toxic. It’s poisoned your subconscious and threatens to destroy your conscious mind,” P-21 said grimly. “Your dichotomy partially protected you; your Blackjack ego is dealing with what your Go Fish persona could not. It also caused your breakdown in the first place,” he said with a sour grunt. “If you weren’t so mentally damaged, you would have slept and avoided the trauma altogether.”
"知识...记忆...就在那里。它是有毒的。它毒害了你的潜意识，并威胁要摧毁你的意识。"。"你的二分法在一定程度上保护了你;你的黑杰克自我意识正在处理你的钓鱼人格无法处理的事情。这也是最初导致你崩溃的原因。"他咕哝着说。"如果你的精神没有受到如此严重的伤害，你可能已经睡着了，完全避免了精神创伤。"
Scotch Tape sighed from where she rode on my back. “It was our hope that, in a safe simulation, we could evoke the memory into your consciousness so that you could deal with it. You rejected our attempts. Violently,” she added with a shiver. “Finally, we tried to use Happyhorn in the context that you were damaged and needed our help. It was the first time ever that a simulation of the institution was more effective than one of home with family.”
胶带从她骑在我背上的地方叹了口气。"我们希望，在一个安全的模拟中，我们可以把这段记忆唤醒到你的意识中，这样你就可以处理它了。你拒绝了我们的尝试。"她颤抖着补充道。"最后，我们试图在你受到伤害并需要我们帮助的情况下使用Happyhorn。这是有史以来第一次，模拟机构比家庭生活更有效。"
“A definite sign of the mental and emotional damage you’ve suffered,” Glory said softly above me. “As is this place. It doesn’t have to be dark. Your subconscious is... terrifying.”
"这是你精神上和情感上受到伤害的明显迹象,"格洛里轻轻地在我头顶上说。"这个地方也是。不一定非要黑暗。你的潜意识是......可怕的。"
“How’d I get like this?” I asked as buildings started to appear. They loomed like crumbling, burned-out skulls. Shattered glass in the windows caught the light from my orb and reflected it back at me like a row of four stars. “I mean... I used to joke about my crazy...”
"我怎么会变成这样?"当建筑物开始出现时，我问道。它们就像摇摇欲坠的烧焦的头骨一样隐约可见。窗户上的碎玻璃吸收了我的球体发出的光，像一排四颗星星一样反射回来。"我是说......我曾经开玩笑说我疯了......"
“You’ve suffered, Blackjack. It’s as simple as that,” Scotch said as she put her forehooves on the back of my neck. “Over the last month you’ve gone from a stable environment to being shot on an almost daily basis. It’s wartime stress disorder turned up to eleven. Then there were all those horrible choices you made and the ponies you’ve killed and...” The ground under my hooves gave a long, low rumble that sent bricks clattering down into the street. A crack split the silence, and a jagged gap snapped right down the middle of the road.
"你受苦了，黑杰克。就这么简单,"苏格兰人边说边把前蹄放在我的脖子后面。"在过去的一个月里，你从一个稳定的环境变成了几乎每天都要挨枪子儿。战争时期的压力失调症上升到了十一。然后是你做出的那些可怕的选择，你杀死的那些小马，还有......"我蹄下的地面发出长长的低沉的隆隆声，砖块哗啦啦地滚到了街上。一道裂缝打破了寂静，一道参差不齐的缝隙在路中间啪地一声裂开了。
It looked like I didn’t like this kind of therapy.
看起来我不喜欢这种治疗。
Suddenly, the street collapsed under me. Like a closing book slipping through my hooves, the bottom dropped out as the sides lifted. My friends scrambled up the sliding slope and Scotch Tape shrieked and clung to my mane as I struggled to find purchase. Because I didn’t want to go into that hole. I glanced down below me as my legs tore streaks of crumbling asphalt away.
突然，街道在我的脚下坍塌了。就像一本合页的书滑过我的蹄子，底部下降，因为侧面提起。我的朋友们爬上滑坡，透明胶带尖叫着抓住我的鬃毛，我努力寻找买家。因为我不想进那个洞。我低头看了看下面，我的腿撕裂了一条条剥落的沥青路面。
Bodies. So many bodies... missing their faces. Missing legs. All killed by me. Shot, cut, and smashed to death. Of course they weren’t still. They howled and screamed, and those that could were clawing their way up the sides. I even saw a familiar teal filly torn in two screaming my name. The ruined, skinless front half of Deus scrambled up after me.
身体。那么多尸体...都没了脸。缺失的双腿。都是我杀的。被枪击，割伤，然后被砸死。他们当然不是静止的。他们嚎叫着，尖叫着，而那些有能力的人则从侧面爬上来。我甚至看到一只熟悉的青色小母马被撕成两半，尖叫着我的名字。被毁坏的，无皮的前半部天王爬起来后，我。
Something chomped down upon my tail, and I looked back to see a small crushed form biting my black and red striped tail and pulling me back down. I dug in my forehooves and then kicked out. Once. Twice. Finally, her skull popped and she went tumbling back into the seething mass. I forced my way up the quivering slope of decayed roadbed and finally flopped over the edge. With a rumble, the sides collapsed into the howling pit. All was silent once more as I stared up at my tiny light.
有什么东西咬住了我的尾巴，我回头一看，一个被压扁的小东西咬住了我红黑相间的尾巴，把我拉了回来。我挖了挖前蹄，然后踢了出去。一次。两次。最后，她的头骨突然爆裂，她跌跌撞撞地回到了沸腾的物体中。我强迫自己爬上腐朽路基颤抖的斜坡，最后跌落在边缘。随着隆隆的响声，双方都陷入了咆哮的深渊。当我抬头看着我的微光时，一切又恢复了平静。
“Like I said...” Scotch whimpered, “terrifying.”
"就像我说的......"苏格兰威士忌呜咽着,"太可怕了。"
Slowly, I pulled myself to my hooves. “I... guess I’m feeling some guilt for some of the ponies I’ve killed?” I suggested sheepishly. The four of them stared back at me. “Right. So... ahem... you’ve seen worse, right?” Again, that long stare. I felt my mane kinking up just from their look. What, was I really that bad?
慢慢地，我鼓起勇气。"我.....。.我想我是在为我杀死的那些小马感到内疚吧?"我不好意思地建议。他们四个回头看着我。"对。所以......嗯......你见过更糟糕的，对吧?"又是那长长的凝视。我感到我的鬃毛从它们的外观上扭曲起来。什么，我真的那么差劲吗？
“You’d be much better without all the fatigue and sleep deprivation,” Rampage said as we continued along between the looming, crumbling brick buildings. Black, thorny vines were curling up them as I watched. Their razor-sharp tips scraped against the wet, decaying brick as the crumbling road became more like a muddy trail. In the darkness, I could hear the wet patter of falling debris as the thorns slowly ripped the ruins apart.
当我们继续在隐约可见、摇摇欲坠的砖砌建筑之间行走时，狂暴对我说:"没有疲劳和睡眠剥夺，你会好得多。"。我注视着，黑色多刺的藤条缠绕在上面。他们剃刀般锋利的刀尖擦过湿漉漉的、正在腐烂的砖头，因为破碎的道路变得越来越像一条泥泞的小路。在黑暗中，我可以听到落下的残骸的湿嗒嗒的声音，荆棘慢慢地把废墟撕成碎片。
“It’s not my fault. There’s no ‘sleep’ button to push to turn me off. I never get tired, so I don’t need to rest.” Okay, maybe I needed to rest according to Glory...
"这不是我的错。没有"睡眠"按钮来关闭我。我从不感到累，所以我不需要休息。"好吧，也许我需要休息，根据晨辉..。
and every other medical pony I’d talked to... but I didn’t feel like I had to sleep. I watched a skull slowly lifted by the glossy black vines, a tendril curling up out of an eye socket. Then, with a pop, it split the bone in two. I really didn’t want to
还有其他每一个跟我说过话的医疗小马......但是我觉得我不需要睡觉。我看到一个头骨被光滑的黑色藤蔓慢慢抬起，一根卷须从眼窝里卷了出来。然后，砰的一声，它把骨头劈成了两半。我真的不想
think about what that might symbolize. I closed my eyes. “I know... I know I’m scared to sleep. But... do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve had a normal night’s sleep? Just... sleep? No nightmares? No weird dreams of ponies killing everything around them?”
想想这象征着什么。我闭上了眼睛。"我知道......我知道我害怕睡觉。但是...你知道我有多久没正常睡觉了吗？只是...睡觉？没做恶梦？没有奇怪的梦见小马杀死周围的一切吗?"
“A long time. But you need sleep. Real sleep. Even this simulation isn’t true sleep. Your brain needs time and an opportunity to recover,” Glory said as she flew lower to avoid thorn-wrapped cables stretched between the buildings.
"很长时间了。但你需要睡眠。真正的睡眠。甚至这种模拟也不是真正的睡眠。你的大脑需要时间和机会来恢复,"晨辉一边说，一边飞得更低，以避开建筑物之间缠绕着荆棘的电缆。
Then a mare said quietly, “No, Blackjack. We need to die.”
然后一匹母马平静地说:"不，黑杰克。我们需要死亡。"
I looked at Rampage, Glory, and Scotch. “Tell me that was one of you...”
我看着暴怒、晨辉和苏格兰威士忌。"告诉我那是你们中的一个..."
Then Rampage was shot in the head. The bullet of a high powered rifle tore her skull into bloody chunks of gray, white, and red. And unlike the real Rampage, this one didn’t get up again. She exploded into a cloud of white motes that evaporated into the air. Glory, P-21, and Scotch all jumped behind me as I looked through the tangled bushes at the unicorn mare in black. She looked down her massive sniper rifle at me, the light of my spell gleaming off her goggles and the lens of her scope.
然后狂暴被击中头部。高能步枪的子弹把她的头骨撕成了一块块血淋淋的灰色、白色和红色。不像真正的暴怒，这个人没有再站起来。她爆炸成一团白色的尘埃，蒸发到空气中。当我穿过杂乱的灌木丛看到黑色的独角兽母马时，晨辉、P-21和苏格兰威士忌都在我身后跳了起来。她低下她那把巨大的狙击步枪看着我，我的咒语的光芒从她的护目镜和瞄准镜上闪过。
Wait. Why does my subconscious get a gun? I wanted a gun too!
等等。为什么我的潜意识里会有一把枪？我也想要一把枪！
And like that, P-21 was enveloped in Steel Ranger armor and Glory wrapped in the black Enclave power armor. I looked up over my shoulder at Scotch Tape standing on my back, wearing filly-sized combat armor. And me? I was in my blue and black Aegis Security armor, complete with rearing filly on my flank. I lifted my IF-88 Ironpony in my magical glow and grinned down at the mare in black.
就像这样，P-21被包裹在黑色飞地电源装甲中的钢骑兵装甲和晨辉。我抬头看着身后的透明胶带，穿着小雌马大小的战斗盔甲。那我呢？我身穿蓝黑相间的宙斯盾安全装甲，在身体侧面饲养着一匹小母马。我举起我的IF-88铁马驹在我的魔法辉光和咧嘴笑下来的母马在黑色。
Okay, subconscious. Time to fight. I could beat anything if I really wanted to... including myself! I charged through the muddy tangle, sending Scotch Tape sprawling on the road behind me, the thorns scraping at my armor as I ploughed through, all while sending a rapid-fire stream of explosive shotgun shells into the mare in the black riot armor. Yellow flashes lit up the briars and crumbling ruins as I sprayed and ran blindly ahead.
好吧潜意识。是时候战斗了。如果我真的想的话，我可以打败任何东西...包括我自己！我冲进泥泞的混乱中，身后的路上铺着透明胶带，荆棘刮擦着我的盔甲，同时向穿着黑色盔甲的母马发射了一连串爆炸性猎枪子弹。黄色的闪光照亮了荆棘和破碎的废墟，我喷洒着，盲目地向前奔跑。
The mare in black disintegrated in a hail of bullets, her armor blasted to pieces. “Awwww yeah. Now that’s my kind of therapy!” I cheered. Then I arrived at where she’d fired from and found only black rubble and snapped-off thorns that
黑色的母马在一阵子弹中解体了，她的盔甲被炸成了碎片。"啊，是啊。这就是我的治疗方法!"我欢呼起来。然后我到了她开火的地方，发现只有黑色的碎石和折断的荆棘
regrew before my eyes.
在我眼前重生。
Oh, please don’t tell me my subconscious was smarter than me too!
哦，请不要告诉我我的潜意识也比我聪明！
The briars were growing up around me. They curled around me and crawled up my tail. I struggled as I felt them begin to twist and coil through gaps in my armor. The thorns sliced thin bleeding cuts as I fought to free myself of the mass.
荆棘在我周围长大。它们蜷缩在我身边，爬上我的尾巴。我挣扎着，因为我感觉他们开始通过我盔甲的缝隙扭曲和盘绕。当我挣扎着想从这堆东西中解脱出来的时候，荆棘划破了鲜血淋漓的伤口。
“Did you feel brave there for just a moment? Did you really think it was as easy as that? You think you can just pretend this away with a juvenile fantasy?” the thorns seemed to hiss in my own soft mutter as I turned and started to drag myself towards my friends, who had stayed out of the nettles and crawling weeds. I felt my armor start to tear and my hide rip as I pulled myself back along the way I’d come. The IF-88 was left in the weeds, rusting in moments, ripped to pieces in seconds. All I could do was walk as the thorns tore at me and ripped at my flesh. I was an idiot. I deserved this, but I couldn’t just stop. Pieces of armor and self were torn away, but I was almost there.
"你是不是有那么一瞬间感到勇敢了？你真以为就这么简单吗？你认为你可以用一个少年奇幻来掩饰这一切?"当我转身开始向朋友们走去时，荆棘似乎嘶嘶作响，他们已经远离了荨麻和杂草。我感到我的盔甲开始撕裂，我的皮革撕裂，因为我把自己拉回沿途我来。If-88被遗弃在杂草中，瞬间生锈，几秒钟内就被撕成碎片。我所能做的就是行走，荆棘撕扯着我，撕裂着我的肉体。我是个白痴。这是我应得的，但我不能就这样停下来。身上的盔甲和自我的碎片都被撕掉了，但我几乎就要到达那里了。
Almost...
差不多..。
A tangle of thorns fell over my head, the spikes ramming into my eyes and tearing them out as I struggled the last few steps. Finally I collapsed, broken and bloody and screaming as I crumpled on the muddy road. “This is what you are, Blackjack: screaming, bloody meat,” the ground whispered to my ear.
在我挣扎着走完最后几步的时候，一团荆棘从我头顶上掉了下来，刺钉扎进了我的眼睛，撕裂了我的眼睛。最后，我瘫倒在泥泞的路上，身体支离破碎，血淋淋地尖叫着。"这就是你，黑杰克:尖叫，血淋淋的肉,"大地在我耳边低语。
The taunt, though, silenced my screams. I’d lived through this before. I could live through it now. The pain was a reminder I was alive, and even after the harm I’d suffered... I’d still continued on.
然而，这种嘲弄使我的尖叫声消失了。我以前也经历过这种事。我现在可以挺过去了。这种痛苦提醒着我还活着，即使在我遭受了那么多伤害之后......我还是继续活着。
I opened my cybernetic eyes and put my mechanical limbs beneath me. The scraps and scars disappeared as I healed and I rose to my hooves. I looked back the way I’d come at the bloody streaks and tatters in the thorns that were being ripped into smaller and smaller pieces.
我打开了我的控制论的眼睛，把我的机械的四肢放在我的下面。当我痊愈后，伤疤和碎片消失了，我站起来走路。我回头看了看那些被撕成越来越小的带血的条纹和破烂的荆棘。
I could never be that old Blackjack again. I watched those bloody thorns close up once more into a solid wall. No matter how much I wanted it, I’d never get that feeling I’d had running around the Wasteland, staying ahead of Deus, and trying to protect my friends. I was older now. And even though it had only been a month, like time in this place, it felt like I’d gone through years. Slowly I looked back at the other three. “So... let me guess. Stay on the road?”
我再也不会是那个老黑杰克了。我看着那些血淋淋的荆棘又一次堵在了坚实的墙上。不管我多么想得到它，我永远不会有那种在荒原上奔跑，走在上帝前面，试图保护我的朋友的感觉。我现在长大了。尽管只有一个月的时间，就像在这个地方的时间一样，但我感觉自己已经度过了很多年。慢慢地，我回头看了看另外三个人。"那么......让我猜猜。留在路上?"
Glory nodded slowly. “Yes. That would be advisable.” Their armor had disappeared with my own change.
晨辉慢慢地点点头。"是的。这是明智之举。"他们的盔甲和我的零钱一起消失了。
I hung my head, and what was left of my old combat armor slowly transformed into the green army combat armor I’d scavenged off the Harbingers. I floated out Duty and Sacrifice and slipped them into the holsters at my side. Then I checked Vigilance, then finally the silver sword. It seemed particularly bright and sharp in the illumination of my light spell.
我低下头，我的旧战斗盔甲慢慢地变成了绿色军队的战斗盔甲，这是我从"先驱者"号上捡来的。我拿出责任和牺牲，把它们放进我身边的枪套里。然后我检查了警戒系统，最后是银剑。在我的灯光魔咒的照耀下，它看起来特别明亮和锐利。
Well, I did have some weeds to cut...
我确实有些杂草要剪..。
I walked on along the trail, the sword slashing out at the vines as they slithered into my path. At last, the thorny tangle began to be mixed with rusty metal panels and girders. Soon we weren’t walking along a trail so much as walking along a decaying metal hallway. The Stable-Tec logo was barely visible through all the rust. Then I spotted a sign. ‘Trust in the Overmare, she is our great protector.’
我沿着小路向前走去，那把剑刺穿了蔓藤，它们滑入了我的小径。最后，多刺的乱麻开始与生锈的金属板和大梁混合在一起。很快，我们就不再沿着小路走了，而是沿着一条破旧的金属走廊走着。Stable-tec的标志在锈迹斑斑中几乎看不见。然后我发现了一个标志。相信Overmare她是我们伟大的保护者
Welcome home, Blackjack.
欢迎回家黑杰克。
The familiar metal walls hemmed me in as we walked onward. So... bring it on, brain. What are you going to do? Throw the smell of chlorine at me? Let me hear the sounds of Deus ripping things apart? Midnight screaming ‘murderer’ at me? Bring it on!
当我们向前走的时候，熟悉的金属墙把我围了起来。所以...放马过来吧，大脑。你打算怎么办？把氯气的味道扔到我身上？让我听到上帝撕碎东西的声音？半夜冲我喊'杀人犯'？放马过来！
The rust slowly faded away. The lights slowly brightened. And from up ahead I could hear the sounds of... music? I scowled a little as I moved forward, down the hall and then up the stairs. The music became clearer. Then there were sounds of laughter. I went up... and slowly entered the atrium at a near crawl.
锈迹慢慢地消失了。灯光慢慢变亮了。从前面我可以听到...音乐的声音？我向前走的时候皱了皱眉头，走过大厅，然后上了楼梯。音乐变得清晰起来。然后是一阵笑声。我走了上去...慢慢地爬进了中庭。
I looked at my stable, alive and thriving. A banner hung across the chamber that read ‘Elect your next overmare: vote Midnight.’ A large poster showed a flexing gray mare with a message beneath her, ‘Vote Rivets: she knows better than anypony how to keep things running.’ I spotted Glory talking with Rivets herself. And over in the corner, P-21 was talking quietly with Scotch Tape. Rampage was showing how she could lug a whole packing crate without help, to the amazement of the others.
我看着我的马厩，生机勃勃，欣欣向荣。一条横幅横跨整个会议厅，上面写着"选举你的下一个战胜母马:午夜投票"一张巨大的海报展示了一匹弯曲的灰色母马，下面写着:"投票铆钉:她比任何小马都知道如何让事情运转。"我看到晨辉在和铆钉本人说话。在角落里，P-21正在用透明胶带轻声交谈。让其他人惊讶的是，她竟然可以在没有帮助的情况下拖动整个包装箱。
I gaped, my butt hitting the floor as I watched the stable ponies I’d known my whole life walking, talking, discussing who should be the next overmare. Then,
我目瞪口呆，屁股撞在地板上，看着那些我从小就认识的马厩里的小马，边走边说，讨论着下一匹母马是谁。然后
in another shock, from the stable entry emerged Keeper. The grizzly old stallion was greeted warmly by the occupants of the atrium. “Stuff to trade, folks! I got berries! Fresh berries!” The crowd gave out a cheer.
在另一次冲击中，从马厩的入口出现了守护者。这头灰熊老种马受到了中庭居住者的热烈欢迎。"伙计们，这是用来交换的东西！我有浆果！新鲜的浆果!"人群发出欢呼声。
This is what could have been. My stable... alive. My stable, a part of the Wasteland. My stable, making things better. My stable, my home. This is how it could have been if I’d just been able to warn Rivets of the threat. If I’d just been able to convince Midnight that the outside had something to offer. If I’d just done something other than crawling back to my quarters to rest and screw around with Glory.
这就是可能发生的事情。我的马厩...还活着。我的马厩，荒原的一部分。我的马厩，让事情变得更好。我的马厩，我的家。这就是为什么如果我只是能够警告铆钉的威胁。如果我能让"午夜"相信外面有东西可以提供的话。如果我能做点什么，而不是爬回我的房间休息，和晨辉鬼混。
It could have been like this...
可能是这样的..。
Instead... I looked up at the round window. At the mare in black standing behind the thick glass, looking down at everypony. At her reaching over to the Overmare’s terminal.
相反......我抬头看着圆形的窗户。那匹黑色的母马站在厚厚的玻璃后面，低头看着每一匹小马。在她到达Overmare的终点时。
I screamed and raced for the stairs to the Overmare’s office. My stable got in my way, jostling and bumping into me as I tried to push through. I had to stop her. I had to!
我尖叫着跑向通往Overmare办公室的楼梯。我的马厩挡住了我的路，在我试图挤过去的时候，它们推推搡搡地撞上了我。我必须阻止她。我必须这么做！
There had to be a better way.
肯定有更好的办法。
Then I smelled it. The chlorine sting on my eyes. The poison gas burning my lungs. I heard the screaming as my stable panicked, crushing against each other as they struggled to find some safety. I felt somepony underhoof but was helpless to pull them up in the crushing mill of bodies.
然后我闻到了它。氯气刺痛了我的眼睛。毒气灼烧着我的肺。我听到我的马厩惊慌失措的尖叫声，它们拼命寻找安全的地方，互相挤压着。我感到有些不适，但是无力把它们从压碎的尸体堆里拉上来。
I had to save them. Please... don’t make me watch my stable die again...
我必须拯救他们。求你了...别让我看着我的马厩再死一次..。
Then I saw Glory hovering there, holding Scotch Tape in her hooves. I looked at the pony I was trampling, and saw the bloody form of P-21. He looked up at me and then pointed to the stable door. I stared at him, and he spoke over the screaming and shoving. “You have such a fascinating dichotomy.”
然后我看到晨辉在那儿徘徊，她的蹄子上缠着透明胶带。我看了看我正在踩踏的那匹小马，看到了血淋淋的P-21。他抬头看着我，然后指了指马厩的门。我盯着他，他在尖叫声和推搡声中说话。"你有这样一种令人着迷的二分法。"
Then he broke apart into motes of blue.
然后他分解成一团团的蓝色。
I couldn’t save them. Not like this. Not here. Not ever. I had to move on... I had to. 99 was killing me... and I wanted it to. But I couldn’t die of regret. Of guilt.
我救不了他们。不是这样的。不是在这里。永远不会。我不得不向前看...我不得不。99简直要了我的命...我也希望如此。但我不能因为后悔而死。罪恶感。
I struggled and pushed and shoved and fought through the crowd, now for the stable hatch as it slowly closed. None of the screaming, crushing ponies tried to escape, of course. That wasn’t the point. I had to get out of here... I couldn’t stop. Stopping was death. Stopping was failure. I had to win. No matter how bad it hurt.
我挣扎着，推着，挤着，挣扎着穿过人群。现在，当马厩门慢慢关上的时候，我要进去了。当然，没有一匹尖叫着的小马试图逃跑。这不是重点。我必须离开这里...我停不下来。停止就是死亡。停止就是失败。我必须赢。不管伤得有多重。
Glory and Scotch Tape nipped through the door and into the mineshaft beyond. I jumped through, reeking of the horrid gas as the round wheel rolled into place. ‘Murderer’ echoed on and on in my ears. I clenched my eyes and curled up on the far side, shaking as I pressed myself against the door. I thought I’d put it behind me. I thought I’d dealt with it... and I had. Superficially. I’d buried it. I’d blamed myself... then I’d stopped short of holding myself responsible.
晨辉和透明胶带夹进了大门，进入了远处的矿井。我跳了过去，圆形的车轮滚到位时，浑身散发着可怕的气味。"凶手"在我耳边不停地回响。我紧闭双眼，在远处蜷缩着身子，把自己紧紧地贴在门上，浑身发抖。我以为我已经把它抛在脑后了。我以为我已经处理好了......我做到了。表面上看。我把它埋起来了。我责怪我自己......然后我就停止了责怪自己的行为。
Responsible means answering to somepony. Who did I answer to?
负责任意味着对某人负责。我该向谁汇报？
I drew Vigilance. Pressed it to my temple as I closed my eyes. How in Equestria could I atone for so much when I couldn’t atone for one? I had to be held responsible... I did...
我画了《警戒》。当我闭上眼睛的时候，把它按在我的太阳穴上。在Equestria，我怎么能弥补这么多呢？我必须承担责任...我确实..。
Responsibility isn’t punishment, Blackjack.
责任不是惩罚，黑杰克。
I let the shaking gun fall away and looked at my remaining friends through my tears. “I guess... I really am that messed up.” The barrel gleamed as I cradled the weapon in my hooves, tears beading up on the metal. It was wrong. It was so very wrong.
我让那把颤抖的枪掉了下来，透过眼泪看着我剩下的朋友们。"我想......我真的是一团糟。"枪管闪闪发光，我把武器塞进蹄子里，泪珠滴在金属上。这是错误的。这真是大错特错。
But I wanted it so very... very... badly.
但是我非常...非常...非常想要。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
I don’t know how long I sat there with my back to the stable door. I guessed time didn’t matter in a place like this. Glory and Scotch Tape sat by me, both looking scared to say anything that might push me over the edge. Yet as I sat there, staring up into the little light I’d summoned, I felt something ease inside my chest. Something that felt... vaguely... like letting go. I wept as I looked up at the light. I hadn’t died with my stable. I’d made mistakes. Beating myself up wouldn’t change it. Punishing myself wouldn’t fix it.
我不知道我背对着马厩的门在那儿坐了多久。我猜在这样的地方时间并不重要。晨辉和透明胶带坐在我旁边，两个人看起来都很害怕，不敢说任何可能会把我逼疯的话。然而，当我坐在那里，凝视着我召唤的那盏小小的灯时，我感到胸中有一种轻松的感觉。一些感觉......模糊......像是放手的东西。当我抬头看着那盏灯时，我哭了。我没有和我的马厩一起死去。我犯了错误。打击自己也改变不了什么。惩罚自己也无济于事。
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to that dark stony tunnel.
"对不起,"我对那条黑暗的石质隧道低声说。
“Sorry?” it whispered back to me. “That’s it? You think you can just say you’re sorry and that makes it all better? You think you can just walk away and it’s suddenly all okay? You killed them all!” my voice hissed back at me, full of hate and judgment. But I didn’t look down that tunnel. I looked at the light and found myself smiling just a little.
"对不起?"它悄悄回应我。"就这样？你以为你只要说声对不起就能让一切好起来吗？你以为你可以一走了之就没事了吗？你把他们都杀了!"我的声音回应着我，充满了仇恨和批判。但我没有往下看那条隧道。我看着灯光，发现自己微笑了一下。
“No. I don’t. But I am sorry.” And I’d started to take steps to try and make up for it. Stable 99 wouldn’t be left a tomb. Crumpets and Stronghoof would put it to good use... sure, they’d need a few hundred more ponies to fill it to capacity, but they’d find a way. They’d make it better. Slowly, I tilted forward and rose once more. Then I started up the tunnel.
"没有。我不知道。但我很抱歉。"我开始采取措施来弥补这一切。稳定的99号不会成为坟墓。和Stronghoof会好好利用它...当然，他们还需要几百匹小马来填满它，但他们会找到办法的。他们会让一切变得更好。慢慢地，我向前倾了倾身子，又站了起来。然后我开始挖隧道。
I paused and looked back at the door behind me, barely visible in the wan light of the star above me. “Goodbye,” I whispered, and then, without a second look, continued along the dark path.
我停了下来，回头看了看身后的门，在我头顶苍白的星光下几乎看不见。"再见,"我低声说，然后，没有看第二眼，继续沿着黑暗的道路。
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
“To be honest, all trauma aside, your mind has suffered rather significantly from other sources as well. Memory orb abuse. Magical memory intrusion. Even two previous interfaces by an outside system,” Glory said as we trudged down the rocky tunnel. It looked like it was a cross between something out of Brimstone’s Fall and the tunnel leading down to my stable. It felt like it’d been hours since I’d put my stable behind me, but we were making fair progress... okay, I hoped we were making fair progress and not going in circles. Optimism was important! “And lets not even begin to talk about the physical damage incurred from alcoholism and repeated cranial impacts. And--”
"说实话，撇开所有的创伤不谈，你的大脑也受到了其他因素的严重影响。滥用记忆球。神奇的记忆侵入。甚至前面的两个界面都是由外部系统实现的,"晨辉在我们沿着岩石隧道跋涉时说。它看起来像是穿过硫磺瀑布的什么东西和通往我马厩的地道。我感觉我已经好几个小时没有骑马了，但是我们取得了相当大的进步......好吧，我希望我们取得了相当大的进步，而不是在原地打转。乐观是很重要的！"我们甚至不要谈酒精中毒造成的身体损伤和反复的颅骨撞击。还有——"
Then I thought about what she’d said. “Wait. Wait. Previous interface? Twice?” The gray mare nodded. I knew the professor had done it once... “You mean somepony plugged into my brain between then and now?”
然后我想了想她说的话。"等等。等等。以前的界面？两次?"灰色的母马点点头。我知道教授曾经这样做过......"你是说从那时到现在，我的大脑里插着一些电源?"
“Yes.” She nodded gravely and then screwed up her face. “From our analysis, they downloaded various audio-visual displays that were projected when your active vision and auditory systems synched up with the recording. Similar to what you witnessed during times our simulation was stressed.” I just blinked at her, and the pegasus smiled and simplified, “We threw in recordings from our own memories sometimes when we didn’t know what else to do. “
"是的。"她严肃地点点头，然后皱起了眉头。"根据我们的分析，他们下载了各种视听显示器，这些显示器是在你活跃的视觉和听觉系统与录音同步时投射出来的。类似于你在模拟过程中看到的情况，我们的模拟受到了压力。"我只是对她眨了眨眼睛，飞马微笑着简单地说:"有时候，当我们不知道还能做什么的时候，我们就把自己的记忆录下来。"
I started to speak, then thought instead. “Would these projections... what would
我开始说话，然后转而思考。"这些预测.....
they look like?”
他们长什么样?"
Scotch looked from Glory to me before answering. “They would resemble transparent images of the original recordings.” I thought of the ghosts I’d seen in Hippocratic Research and... Ol’ Hank. He’d been in the elevator shaft in time to catch me when I fell. I didn’t blame the old machine; somepony else had been using him. But still, I felt unclean.
在回答之前，苏格兰人从晨辉中向我望去。"它们将类似于原始录音的透明图像。"我想起了我在希波克拉底研究中看到的鬼魂，还有奥·汉克。我跌倒的时候，他在电梯井里及时接住了我。我没有责怪那台旧机器，是别人在利用他。但我还是觉得不干净。
“So they messed with my mind.” I groaned and closed my eyes. Was this how Lacunae felt? Having your sense of self messed with by others for their own ends? At least the hospital was trying to help! “My brain is not somepony’s frigging playground!”
"所以他们扰乱了我的思维。"我呻吟着，闭上了眼睛。这就是缺陷的感觉吗？让别人为了自己的目的把你的自我感觉搞乱？至少医院在尽力帮忙！"我的大脑可不是什么该死的游乐场!"
“If it helps, the interface was limited to your eyes and ears rather than directly attempting to interface with your mind’s conscious awareness. Whoever made the intrusion only affected what you saw and heard,” Scotch Tape said, then flinched as I looked sharply at her. “But of course that doesn’t justify it...”
"如果有帮助的话，这个界面仅限于你的眼睛和耳朵，而不是直接尝试与你的大脑的意识界面。不管是谁闯进来，只会影响到你的所见所闻,"苏格兰磁带说，然后在我盯着她的时候退缩了。"但当然，这并不能证明......"
Messing with my life. Messing with my mind. Messing with my body. And I didn’t like it one bit.
扰乱我的生活。扰乱我的思想。把我的身体搞得一团糟。我一点也不喜欢。
Suddenly, we came to the end of the tunnel, almost spilling out onto the bank of a vast, sluggish river. It looked rather like the Hoofington River, but I couldn’t see anything familiar besides the black looming shadow of the Core beyond. Then the glow of my spell intensified and spread out over the sluggish waters...
突然，我们来到了隧道的尽头，几乎溢出到一个巨大的，缓慢的河岸。它看起来有点像胡芬顿河，但是我看不到任何熟悉的东西，除了那隐约可见的黑色核心的影子。然后我的咒语的光芒加强了，并在缓慢的水面上蔓延开来.....。
and I still didn’t see anything I recognized. “So what’s this terrible memory supposed to be?” I looked over my shoulder and then shook my head. If my stable hadn’t been the reason for this, what was?
我还是没看到我认识的东西。"那么，这个可怕的记忆应该是什么呢?"我回头看了看，然后摇了摇头。如果不是因为我的马厩，那会是什么呢？
What could be worse than that?
还有什么比这更糟的呢？
Glory and Scotch Tape looked at each other. Scotch Tape started to speak, but then Glory rose and said in sharp alarm, “No! Don’t! Please? I know she’s made amazing progress but... please?”
晨辉和苏格兰胶布面面相觑。苏格兰胶带开始说话，但是晨辉站起来，尖声惊叫道:"不！不要！求你了？我知道她已经取得了惊人的进步，但是......求你了?"
“We have to help her. We only have two nodes left. Any second we might be disabled...” Scotch Tape said, then she looked at me. Glory cringed as if bracing for a blow. “Blackjack... what do you remember happening at the construction site?”
"我们必须帮助她。我们只剩下两个节点了。我们随时都可能瘫痪......"苏格兰胶带说，然后她看着我。晨辉像准备迎接打击一样畏缩不前。"黑杰克......你记得在建筑工地发生了什么吗?"
I looked nervously at Glory, but I couldn’t see what the big deal was. “Let’s see... I got to the construction site... there was the tunnel nearby. I...” I frowned as I looked at the murky waters. “There were Seekers coming out of the tunnel. And...” The river began to gurgle and slosh, forming eddies and loops as the smell of stinking rotted meat filled the air. Rain, cold and heavy, began to fall as we stood there on the bank. “We fought. I killed them.” Was that it? I thought about the battle in the construction area... tense. My E.F.S. was going crazy; I’d been seeing things in the fight that weren’t there. I’d kept imagining zebra commandos moving for a sniping shot, expecting an anti-machine round into my head or back.
我紧张地看着晨辉，但我看不出有什么大不了的。"让我想想......我到了建筑工地......附近有一条隧道。我。。」看着浑浊的河水，我皱起了眉头。"有搜寻者从隧道里出来。还有......"河水开始汩汩地流淌，空气中弥漫着腐烂的臭肉的气味，形成了漩涡和环状。当我们站在河岸上时，又冷又大的雨开始下起来。"我们打了起来。我杀了他们。"是这样吗？我想到了施工区的战斗......紧张。我的e.f.s已经疯了;我在战斗中看到了一些不存在的东西。我一直在想象斑马突击队员朝我的头部或背部开枪的场景。
“You fought... and killed them...” Glory said with care, as if afraid her words would cause me to shatter. “And then?”
"你战斗......杀死了他们......"晨辉小心翼翼地说，好像害怕她的话会让我心碎。"然后呢?"
“Then... there were more, I think.” I turned back to the tunnel I’d emerged from, but now it was different. It was lined with cinder blocks and had rusted hunks of machinery around it. “In the tunnel with the door with those stars... and...”
"然后......我想还有更多。"我转身回到我曾经出现过的隧道，但是现在不同了。它的内衬是煤渣块和生锈的机械大块周围。"在有星星的隧道里..."
Suddenly from the river came an immense detonation of water, the ground shuddering, heaving, and sending me flat on my face beside the rancid flow. The surface foamed and leapt as an immense dark shape exploded from the depths. Frothy brown water poured forth as it screamed, groaned, and boomed across the dark waters. It slowed its forward motion, churning up the bank as it gouged its way up the mud and rocks to stop in front of me. I stared up in shock at the water sheeting over the rusting letters on the bow:
突然从河里传来一阵巨大的水的爆炸声，地面抖动起伏，把我的脸压在腐臭的水流旁边。表面起了泡沫，随着一个巨大的黑色物体从深处爆炸而跃起。泡沫般的褐色水流涌出，它尖叫着，呻吟着，轰隆隆地越过黑暗的水面。它减慢了前进的速度，在泥泞和岩石上凿出一条道路，在我面前停下来，搅动着河岸。我震惊地盯着船头上锈迹斑斑的字母，看着水帘:
HMS Celestia.
塞勒斯泰拉皇家海军。
Okay. My mind was getting creative again. Behind the massive, twisted hulk of the battleship was another. And another. A trail of shipwrecks leading across the dirty, stinking depths. I licked my lips nervously as the steel groaned and muttered. “Well. I guess that kinda counts as a road, doesn’t it?”
好吧。我的头脑又开始变得有创造力了。在巨大扭曲的战舰残骸后面是另外一个。再来一杯。一连串的沉船残骸穿过肮脏、臭气熏天的深海。我紧张地舔了舔嘴唇，钢铁发出呻吟和喃喃的声音。"好吧。我想这也算是一条路吧?"
Glory lifted Scotch Tape up. I hauled myself over the bow. The rain hissed off the rusting superstructure as we moved along buckled decks. Thick gun barrels pointed silently out into the darkness beyond, streamers of muck and filth dangling from them like tattered banners. From below came screams and cries for help, and I could see ponies moving back and forth in the distance or struggling in the current.
晨辉提升了透明胶带。我爬过船头。当我们沿着变形的甲板移动时，雨水从锈迹斑斑的上层建筑上嘶嘶作响。厚重的枪管静静地指向远方的黑暗，污秽污秽的横幅像破烂的旗帜一样悬挂在枪管上。从下面传来尖叫声和呼救声，我可以看到小马在远处来回奔跑，或者在水流中挣扎。
“Save them all...” the river seemed to hiss around their cries.
"救救他们......"河水似乎在他们的叫声周围嘶嘶作响。
Was there something wrong with me in that I really hated my own mind almost as much as I hated the Core itself? As I looked along the trail of wrecks, I saw the distant green glow of the city. If there was a source for all this, it had to be there. I looked back at the wet purple and blue manes of my friends--of the computers that had taken the roles of my friends--and gave them an encouraging smile. “Hey. Don’t worry. I haven’t snapped yet, have I?”
我是不是有什么问题，我真的恨我自己的思想几乎就像我恨核心本身一样？当我沿着残骸的痕迹向前看时，我看到了远处城市的绿色光芒。如果这一切都有一个来源，那么它一定在那里。我回头看着朋友们湿漉漉的紫色和蓝色鬃毛----那些充当我朋友角色的电脑----给了他们一个鼓舞人心的微笑。"嘿。别担心。我还没有崩溃，是吗?"
They didn’t laugh. I suppose I couldn’t blame them. From everything I could see, this was definitely post-snappage.
他们没有笑。我想我不能责怪他们。从我看到的一切来看，这绝对是后snappage。
We moved forward, in single file, along the broken ships. Ponies yelled and screamed for help, holding out their hooves to me. But their pleas, as much as they bothered me, were bearable. I’d accepted I couldn’t have saved everypony. As much as the pleading was annoying, I could deal with it.
我们排成一列纵队，沿着破损的船只前进。小马大叫着呼救，向我伸出它们的蹄子。但是他们的请求，尽管让我感到困扰，还是可以忍受的。我承认我不可能拯救每一匹小马。虽然这种恳求很烦人，但我可以应付。
I could. Couldn’t I?
我可以。我不能吗？
It seemed as if my mind were figuring that out too. The cries faded as we went along, leaving only the hiss of water on rusted metal. We moved from the Celestia, past the gaping hole I’d blasted in the ship, and on to the HMS Luna. I really couldn’t tell the difference between the two. Then we reached another boat... nowhere near the size of the two immense battleships. Its stern rested on the bow of the Luna, and its front had punched clear through the hull of another huge ship. After that, I’d be at the Core. I’d just have to go through this boat to the far side. Easy...
似乎我的大脑也在思考这个问题。随着我们前进，喊声逐渐消失，只留下水滴在生锈金属上的嘶嘶声。我们从天堂出发，穿过我在飞船上炸开的裂缝，登上月神号。我真的分辨不出这两者之间的区别。然后我们到达了另一艘船......远不及两艘巨大战舰的大小。它的尾部停在月神号的船头上，它的前部已经穿透了另一艘巨大的船体。在那之后，我就是核心了。我只需要穿过这条船到达另一边。很简单..。
Except that this boat was the Seahorse.
除了这艘船是海马号。
“No way. No frigging way,” I said as I backed away. “I’m not going in there. I’ll be raped. Or you’ll be raped. Or... Fuck!” I shouted, feeling my rear end burning just from the memory. “We’ll find another way. You can fly us up.” Even when I weighed too much to carry. “I’ll fucking swim!” Same problem. I tried to assert my will, to make this crazy place do something I wanted for a change.
"不可能。绝对不可能,"我一边说，一边往后退。"我不会进去的。我会被强奸的。否则你会被强奸。或者...操!"我喊道，感觉我的屁股正在从记忆中燃烧。"我们会找到别的办法的。你可以带我们飞上去。"甚至当我体重过重无法携带时。"我他妈的要游泳!"同样的问题。我试图坚持我的意志，让这个疯狂的地方做一些我想要改变的事情。
Nothing. The river churned even more, the boats and ships beginning to roll back and forth. If they sank...
没什么。河水翻腾得更厉害了，船只开始来回颠簸。如果他们沉了..。
Oh, I hated myself. Glory and Scotch Tape looked at me sadly. “I... do I have to?
我恨我自己。晨辉和透明胶带悲伤地看着我。"我.....。.我必须这么做吗？
Please... I don’t want to go in there. I don’t want to be in that place again.” Being crazy was preferable to being in there!
求你了...我不想进去。我不想再回到那个地方了。"疯狂总比呆在里面好！
You were a victim. You’re still a victim. You’re going to be one again... or someone you love will. You set your rapists free... you created more victims. Just as guilty as they are...
你是个受害者。你还是个受害者。你会再次成为一个人，或者你爱的人会再次成为一个人。你释放了强奸犯...你制造了更多的受害者。和他们一样有罪..。
“I’m sorry, Blackjack,” Scotch Tape said as she came up and hugged my foreleg. Glory trotted up on my other side and leaned against me as well. “This is what a suicidal mind is like. It wants you to balk and hesitate so it can tear you down. You’re your own worst enemy here.”
"对不起，黑杰克,"苏格兰磁带说，她走过来拥抱我的前腿。晨辉小跑到我的另一边，也靠在我身上。"这就是自杀意识的样子。它希望你犹豫不决，犹豫不决，这样它就能把你击垮。在这里，你是自己最大的敌人。"
“There must be another way,” I said, feeling my nethers burn in memory. It was going to happen again. It was. As certain as I was of anything.
"一定还有别的办法,"我说，感觉我的阴部在记忆中燃烧。这种事情还会再次发生。是的。就像我对任何事情一样肯定。
Then Glory smiled and kissed my cheek. “We exist to help you however we can, Blackjack. I’m glad you gave me one more chance to help.” And then she pulled away. There was a momentary flicker, and suddenly I was staring at myself... a flesh and blood self. I looked down at myself and saw Glory’s gray hide. Funny, despite my appearance, I still felt like myself. “Hurry. It won’t fool you long,” she said as she trotted up onto the stern of the Seahorse.
然后晨辉微笑着吻了我的脸颊。"我们的存在是为了尽我们所能帮助你，Blackjack。我很高兴你又给了我一次帮忙的机会。"然后她离开了。有一瞬间的闪烁，突然我凝视着自己...一个有血有肉的自己。我低头看着自己，看到了晨辉灰色的皮肤。有趣的是，尽管我的外表，我仍然觉得我是我自己。"快点。它骗不了你多久,"她一边说，一边小跑着上了海马的船尾。
“No! Sweet Celestia, no!” I screamed after her, and yet I drew short. Some internal impediment kept me from moving past the rear deck of the boat. Then I heard the cries. The sound of hammering. The sound of flesh in flesh... I clenched my eyes shut and shook, wasting the precious time.
"不！甜蜜的天堂，不!"我在她后面尖叫，但是我还是缩短了距离。一些内部障碍使我不能走过船的后甲板。然后我听到了哭声。锤击的声音。肉体的声音......我紧闭双眼，颤抖着，浪费着宝贵的时间。
“Isn’t this what you did for Scotch?” the green filly said softly, nudging my shoulder.
"苏格兰威士忌不就是这么喝的吗?"绿色的小母马轻轻地说，轻轻地碰了碰我的肩膀。
It was... and damn me if I was going to waste what she’d given me. I had no idea how pegasi flew; I’d have to walk through. I could do that. I simply put Scotch Tape up on my back, took several deep breaths, and slipped into the hold of the Seahorse. I covered the filly’s eyes with my... Glory’s... wings... silly, but at least I could do a gesture of decency. I walked past the males, trying not to hear my cries or smell the sweet, sticky reek. I knew I couldn’t look. The sights and smells might fade in time, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to help myself if I looked.
真是...该死的，如果我要浪费她给我的东西。我不知道飞马座是如何飞行的，我必须走过去。我可以这么做。我只是简单地把透明胶带绑在背上，做了几次深呼吸，然后滑进了海马的手里。我用我的......晨辉的......翅膀遮住小母马的眼睛......真傻，但至少我可以做一个庄重的姿势。我从男人们身边走过，尽量不让他们听到我的哭喊声，也不让他们闻到又甜又粘的臭气。我知道我不能看。视觉和嗅觉可能会随着时间的推移而淡化，但是我知道如果我看的话，我就控制不了自己了。
And my subconscious knew it too... damn me. The wet slap of flank on flank...
我的潜意识也知道...该死的。侧翼湿滑的一巴掌..。
the heavy huff that accompanied every thrust... the seminal reek completing with the smell of wet and rot. I could feel the burning in my legs, sense the intrusion of the members forcing themselves intangibly into my body. She may have taken my place, but even tangentially I could barely crawl forward. I would not waste this gift she’d given me. That was all that kept me from curling up then and there on the deck.
伴随着每一次刺激而来的沉重的怒气......伴随着潮湿和腐烂的气味，散发着精液的臭味。我能感觉到我的腿在燃烧，感觉到成员们无形地侵入我的身体。她可能已经取代了我的位置，但即使是在附近，我也只能勉强向前爬行。我不会浪费她给我的这份礼物。这就是我当时没有蜷缩在甲板上的全部原因。
Keeping my eyes shut, I left myself to be violated, and hated myself for it. “Do you... feel?” I whispered softly as I reached the shattered bow of the Seahorse and clambered through. Please don’t, I prayed. I hoped it was all just data to the machine that took my place... not real.
我闭着眼睛，任由自己被侵犯，并因此而憎恨自己。"你...感觉到了吗?"我轻声低语，走到破碎的锡霍斯之弓，爬了过去。请不要这样，我祈祷。我希望那只是取代我位置的机器上的数据，而不是真实的。
“We have databanks of memories of sexual traumas. We know how it feels for you,” the filly replied solemnly.
"我们有性创伤的记忆数据库。我们知道你的感受,"小母马严肃地回答。
I shivered, moving through the wreckage to the far side as quickly as I could. I had no idea if I was hearing my copy or remembering myself. I guess it really didn’t matter. As soon as I’d reached the rocks on the far bank and jumped down, there was a great wave that slammed into the bridge of ships. They lifted and twisted as if fighting to escape the water, but one by one they turned over, splintered, crashed, and bent before disappearing back beneath the flow.
我打了个冷颤，尽可能快地穿过残骸来到远处。我不知道我是在听我的稿子还是在回忆我自己。我想这真的不重要。我刚刚到达远岸的礁石，跳了下去，就有一个巨浪猛烈地冲击着船桥。它们起伏扭曲，仿佛是为了逃离水面而挣扎，但是它们一个接一个地翻转、分裂、撞击、弯曲，最后消失在水流之下。
I collapsed onto the clammy rocks, the gray coat covering me evaporating in a shower of motes of light, my nethers burning in memory as I stared at the rain-speckled waters. Credit where it was due... my mind knew what it was doing. If it hadn’t been for Glory taking my place... no. I would have broken right there. I couldn’t help myself, I swept the filly up in my forelegs and hugged her, hiding my face in her mane.
我瘫倒在潮湿的岩石上，覆盖在我身上的灰色外套在一阵微光中蒸发掉了，当我凝视着雨点般的水面时，我的下体在记忆中燃烧。我的大脑知道自己在做什么。如果不是晨辉取代了我的位置...不。我会在那里崩溃的。我情不自禁地用前腿把小母马抱了起来，用鬃毛遮住了我的脸。
“Shhh…” Scotch Tape said softly, sounding exactly like my mother as she patted my shoulder. “It’ll be alright. You’re almost there.”
"嘘......"苏格兰胶带轻轻地说，听起来就像我妈妈拍我的肩膀。"会没事的。你就快成功了。"
“Almost where?” I sniffed into her mane. “What is the point of this?” I asked as I looked out at the immense wall of the Core. “Just tell me what I did. Tell me what my latest fuck up was so I can deal with it and move on,” I begged as I looked at the green filly. But she smiled sadly and hugged me once more. “Ugh... maturity shouldn’t be so damned hard,” I muttered.
"差不多在哪儿?"我闻了闻她的鬃毛。"这有什么意义?"我看着外面巨大的核心城墙问道。"告诉我我做了什么。告诉我我最近搞砸了什么，这样我才能处理好这件事，继续前进。"我看着那匹绿色的小母马，恳求道。但她伤心地笑了笑，又一次拥抱了我。"呃......成熟不应该这么难,"我喃喃自语道。
Finally I pulled myself together enough that I could see a way in. Up the busted bank, there was a door into the Core itself. Where else would be a fitting place
最后我终于振作起来，找到了进去的办法。在破裂的银行上面，有一扇通往核心区的门。还有什么地方是合适的呢
for my shadow self to dwell? The broken concrete berm crumbled as I hauled myself up the steep slope towards the gate, the rusted rebar and decaying cement shifting with every bit of progress we made. More than once I sent chunks sliding down into the deep foamy waters below, and only last-minute grabs with my fingers on the rusty bars kept me from joining them.
让我的影子住在里面？当我爬上陡峭的斜坡走向大门时，破碎的混凝土护堤崩塌了，生锈的钢筋和腐烂的水泥随着我们每一步的前进而移动。我不止一次地让大块的肉滑入下面深深的泡沫水中，只是在最后时刻用手指抓住生锈的铁栏杆，才阻止了我加入他们。
After another uncertain amount of time, I pulled myself over the edge, and Scotch jumped off of me and onto a jagged length of bridge jutting out over the water. The gate was the immense gaping maw from my dream. Beyond were black monoliths lined in green light. And as if to complete the appearance of awesome showdown from Hell, there was the mare in black pointing her sniper rifle right between my eyes. She had me, dead bang.
又过了一段不确定的时间，我把自己拉到了岸边，苏格兰人从我身上跳了下来，跳上了一座突出水面的参差不齐的桥。大门是我梦中巨大的张开的血盆大口。远处是排列着绿光的黑色巨石。好像要完成可怕的外观摊牌从地狱，有一个黑色的母马指着她的狙击步枪之间的权利我的眼睛。她抓住了我，一击毙命。
She fired at Scotch Tape instead.
她反而向苏格兰胶带公司开枪。
I barely got my body in place to shield the filly in time. The mare fired a half dozen times into me, the blows slamming home with such force that had this not all been in my head I likely would have been turned inside out, reinforced body or not. But I’d be damned if I’d let the other one die as well. And the unicorn seemed to realize it too as she turned and raced away deeper into the Core.
我勉强把身体放在适当的位置，以便及时保护那匹小母马。母马朝我开了六枪，用力猛击回家，如果不是这一切都在我的脑海里，我可能已经被翻了个底朝天，强化身体或没有。但是如果我让另外一个也死去，我会被诅咒的。独角兽似乎也意识到了这一点，因为她转身向核心深处跑去。
A part of me wanted to race after her and kick her ass, blow her head off, and piss on her corpse. There was a difference between letting a Harbinger change their mind and run off and letting this mare do the same. She was completely evil. A remorseless killer who had slaughtered the dying and helpless simply because she could. I wanted her dead, and there was only one thing keeping me from tearing down after her.
我内心的一部分想跟在她后面，踢她的屁股，打爆她的头，在她的尸体上撒尿。让一个先驱者改变主意跑掉和让这匹母马做同样的事情是有区别的。她是个彻头彻尾的魔鬼。一个冷酷无情的杀手，仅仅因为她的能力就屠杀了垂死和无助的人。我想要她死，只有一件事能阻止我去追杀她。
Why had she tried to kill Scotch? Also... why hadn’t her shots killed me?
她为什么要杀苏格兰人？还有...为什么她的注射没有杀了我？
Theoretically, I could die here. I could... and did... hurt from her shots. Yet as I stared in the direction she’d gone, I knew something was off. I wanted to find her and kill her… but that wasn’t why I was here, was it? I was here to worry out something that had happened. Something that I apparently couldn’t live with. And as I stood there looking at that gate and that hated city beyond, I was sick of being led around. As I watched, the city grew darker and darker.
理论上说，我可能会死在这里。我可以...而且确实...因为她的注射而受伤。然而，当我注视着她离开的方向时，我知道有些不对劲。我想找到她然后杀了她......但那不是我来这儿的原因，不是吗？我来这里是为了担心发生了什么事。一些我显然无法接受的事情。当我站在那里看着那扇门和那座讨厌的城市时，我厌倦了被人牵着走。我看着，城市变得越来越黑暗。
“You said the thing I did was at that construction site, right?” I asked as the massive Core disappeared entirely, and once more I sat on my haunches on cracked asphalt in a small circle of light beside the filly. She looked up at me and
"你说我做的事是在那个建筑工地，对吧?"当巨大的铁芯完全消失的时候，我问道，我又一次坐在裂开的沥青路面上，在小马旁边的一个小光圈里。她抬头看着我
then nodded slowly once.
然后慢慢地点了点头。
Time to stop wasting time.
不要再浪费时间了。
The illumination slowly spread out from me, and my little patch of cracked asphalt became a parking lot. Rusted wagons lay where they’d been abandoned so long ago. Tin cans, rusty beams and poles, and empty bottles littered the wet ground. A chain link fence appeared, a gate hanging open on a single lower hinge. Rust covered a sign that I could barely make out in the wan illumination of my spell. ‘Four Stars Transportation -- Keep Out’. Beyond were unfinished walls and half-built roofs, long ago abandoned. A rusty orange-and-brown crane loomed over it all, its heavy payload still dangling.
光亮慢慢地从我身上散开，我那块破裂的沥青地变成了一个停车场。生锈的马车停在很久以前就被遗弃的地方。锡罐、生锈的横梁、杆子和空瓶子散落在潮湿的地面上。一个铁丝网围栏出现了，一扇大门悬挂在一个较低的铰链上打开。锈迹盖住了一块牌子，在我那苍白无力的咒语照明下，我几乎辨认不出来。四星级交通----禁止入内。远处是未完工的墙壁和早已废弃的半成品屋顶。一辆生锈的橙褐色起重机隐约出现在它的上空，它沉重的有效载荷仍然悬挂着。
I slowly walked forward; the first time I’d been in a rush, pissed off and fighting a surge of horror I hadn’t shaken from my rampage in the Yellow River Detainment Camp. Mud squelched up under my hooves as I moved down the middle of the construction site. I listened to the hiss of the rain. My vision had been full of red bars.
我慢慢地向前走着，这是我第一次匆匆忙忙，气急败坏地与一股没有从在YellowRiverDetainmentCamp的暴行中摆脱出来的恐惧浪潮作斗争。当我沿着建筑工地的中央移动时，泥浆在我的蹄子下面吱吱作响。我听到雨水的嘶嘶声。我的视野里布满了红色的栅栏。
I didn’t like this one bit.
我一点也不喜欢这个。
To my left, about a hundred feet away, was some kind of rail yard, the tracks loaded with still railcars and disappearing almost immediately into the earth. A half dozen or so Seekers had trotted their way towards the construction site from the adjacent rail yard. And as I remembered it, I could see them all now. I pressed my back to the cinder block wall, watching them approach... taking in their weapons. I’d been pissed. Angry. I was sick of running. My head hurt; the radroach in my skull had swapped from scratching and scrabbling to gnawing its way out.
在我的左边，大约100英尺开外，是某种铁路站场，轨道上装满了静止的列车，几乎立即消失在地下。六七个左右的搜寻者从附近的铁路站场小跑着朝建筑工地跑去。在我的记忆中，我现在可以看到他们所有人。我背靠着煤渣砖墙，看着他们靠近......收起他们的武器。我很生气。愤怒。我厌倦了逃避。我的头很疼;我头骨里的栅栏已经从抓挠和扒拉变成了啃噬。
I’d popped out and put two .45-70 rounds from Duty and Sacrifice right into the face of a unicorn Seeker with a missile launcher. Then, as they began to react, I’d slipped into S.A.T.S. and put two more into the face of a large earth pony stallion with a minigun. He’d gone done in a heap, one slug of lead right in his brain. With their heavy weapons destroyed, the others scattered into the ruined construction site. “Security! Scatter! Scatter!” they’d yelled.
我跳出来，从使命和牺牲中射出两发.45-70的子弹，正好打在一个拿着导弹发射器的独角兽的脸上。然后，当他们开始反应的时候，我溜进了s.a.t.s.，用一把迷你枪朝一匹地球上的矮种马脸上又打了两枪。他已经累垮了，脑子里还有一小块铅。随着他们的重型武器被摧毁，其他人散落在建筑工地的废墟中。"保安！散开！散开!"他们大喊大叫。
After the fight in the camp, this battle now was anti-climactic. Even boring. I might not have been able to pick them out in my E.F.S., but I knew by now how to keep moving and pick them off. I came around one corner and found two
营地里的战斗结束后，这场战斗现在平淡无奇。甚至无聊。我可能不能在我的e.f.s里把它们挑出来，但是我现在知道如何继续移动，把它们挑出来。我转过一个弯，发现了两个
struggling with their gear; they didn’t seem to know how to use their brand new battle saddles. I telekinetically flung mud into the eyes of the stallion on the left who’d left his visor up, then a second later blew out the knees of the mare on the right. Her face went into the mud, bullets churning the ground as she screamed and fought to bring her forebody up to shoot me while her partner sprayed violently and blindly. I took three steps to the right out of his field of fire, pressed Vigilance to the ear hole of his helmet, and blew his brains out the other side.
他们似乎不知道如何使用他们全新的战斗马鞍。我用意念力把泥土扔进左边那匹没有戴面罩的种马的眼睛里，然后一秒钟后又把右边那匹母马的膝盖炸飞了。她的脸陷进了泥里，子弹在地面上翻滚，她尖叫着，挣扎着要把前身抬起来向我开枪，而她的同伴则用暴力盲目地喷射着。我从他的射击区向右走了三步，把"警戒"按在他头盔的耳洞上，然后把他的脑袋打爆了。
Then I stepped past the mare struggling in the mud, and for good measure, put one round in each of her back legs as well. She lay there screaming and sobbing. I patted myself on the back as I’d moved on. Wasn’t I so merciful? Wasn’t I so good to have not blown her brains out too? Looking at it now... I wanted to buck myself. Hard.
然后我走过那匹在泥地里挣扎的母马，另外，在她的后腿上也各放了一圈。她躺在那里，尖叫着，呜咽着。当我继续前进时，我拍拍自己的后背。我不是很仁慈吗？我没有把她的脑袋也轰出来不是很好吗？现在看来......我想打败自己。用力。
The fifth one I found hiding behind bags of concrete that had long ago transformed into petrified turds. I trotted right up to her cover, floated Vigilance over the top, and fired a half dozen times. As she’d screamed and thrashed, I’d trotted around the corner as neat as you pleased and with a sweep of my sword taken her head completely off. I swung the blood off the blade, watching as the watery red drops splashed against the gray stone.
我发现的第五个藏在很久以前变成石化粪便的混凝土袋子后面。我小跑着走到她的掩护处，警戒组织在上面浮动，开了六枪。当她尖叫和痛打的时候，我就像你所希望的那样在拐角处小跑着，用我的剑一扫就把她的头给砍下来了。我挥动着刀刃上的血，看着水汪汪的红色水滴溅落在灰色的石头上。
Then I’d been hit by a bullet. Not some honking anti-machine bullet. A five millimeter round. A bite in my flank. But I’d heard the direction of the shot and turned, swapping to Duty and Sacrifice almost in the blink of an eye. I’d jumped into S.A.T.S. just as he started to run down into a tunnel in the back of the construction site beneath the bridge. Four shots rang out, but I’d only clipped him with one. I pursued.
然后我被一颗子弹打中了。不是什么鸣笛的反机器子弹。5毫米口径的子弹。咬一口我的侧腹。但我听到了枪声的方向，转过身去，几乎在眨眼间就换成了《使命与牺牲》。我跳进了s.a.t.s，就在他开始跑进桥下建筑工地后面的一条隧道的时候。四声枪响，但我只打中了他一枪。我追问道。
The tunnel going into the hillside was... odd. There were train tracks going down the middle, but it didn’t seem like any kind of rail tunnel I recognized. The walls were sturdy concrete, and even after years of disuse it hadn’t decayed much at all. I saw the Seeker running for his life, and I laughed as I shot him in the ass, finally giving the bastards a little of the grief that had been given to me. Ahead I could see the tunnel opening up into some kind of unfinished security room. I followed the blood trail, my eyes dancing with red bars.
通往山坡的隧道...很奇怪。中间有火车轨道，但看起来不像是我认识的任何一种铁路隧道。墙壁是坚固的混凝土，即使废弃多年，它也没有腐烂多少。我看见探索者在逃命，我一边笑一边朝他屁股开了一枪，终于给了那些混蛋一点曾经给我的伤痛。在前面，我可以看到通往某种未完工的安全房间的隧道。我跟随着血迹，我的眼睛和红色的条纹一起跳动。
Then I reached the door, Vigilance floating beside me. I’d stood before the massive slab, a rival for anything made by Stable-Tec, which I was fairly sure
然后我来到门口，警惕在我身边漂浮着。我站在那块巨大的石板前，它是Stable-Tec生产的任何产品的竞争对手，我非常确定
was the standard for ridiculously oversized and heavy doors. Four stars were embossed on its surface. I’d tried to use my PipBuck to open it; nothing. If there was some way to get through... I sure didn’t know it.
是超大超重门的标准配置。它的表面浮雕着四颗星星。我试着用我的PipBuck打开它，但什么也没有。如果有什么办法可以通过......我肯定不知道。
Of course, the Harbinger took that moment to attack me. He’d shot from the corner, and he wasn’t alone. No wonder he’d fled down into the tunnel. There were three other Seekers waiting. Well, Vigilance finished off the first with a messy shot to the throat. Then the second; headshot, pretty standard. I barely even had to aim. The third came up behind me. A cyberleg applebuck smashed her face to pulpy meat. And then I pointed the gun at the last, but it was empty. I rose up...
当然，先驱者利用这一时刻攻击了我。他从角落里射击，而且他不是一个人。难怪他逃进了隧道。还有另外三个搜索者在等着。"时刻警惕"一枪打中了第一个目标的喉咙。然后是第二个，头部特写，相当标准。我几乎不需要瞄准。第三个人从我身后走过来。一只赛跑腿的苹果巴克把她的脸打成肉泥。然后我用枪指着最后一把，但它是空的。我站了起来..。
“Blackjack, no!” the last one had screamed. Then my hooves came down. One.
"黑杰克，不!"最后一个尖叫了。然后我的蹄子掉了下来。一个。
Two. Three. Done.
二。三个。完成。
“And that’s what happened,” I finished lamely as I looked back at Scotch Tape.
"事情就是这样,"我一瘸一拐地看着透明胶带说完。
Right?
对吧？
From the shadows of the room, the mare in black slowly emerged. I felt a thrill rush through me. Okay. Mystery solved. Time to smash face! “I knew you’d follow me!” I shouted as she brought out her two submachineguns. The ten millimeter bullets purred in the air as I dove for cover, levitating a packing crate lid to block her fire as I dove and slid across the floor. I lay on my side, slipping into S.A.T.S. and aiming underneath the floating wood at the mare in the black riot armor. Four shots, head. Yet to my chagrin, though she staggered back, none of the shots penetrated. Maybe she had some kind of magical protection?
从房间的阴影中，黑色的母马慢慢地出现了。我感到一阵刺激的感觉涌上心头。好吧。谜底揭晓。是打脸的时候了！"我就知道你会跟着我!"当她拿出她的两挺冲锋枪时，我喊道。10毫米的子弹在空中发出咕噜咕噜的声音，我俯冲寻找掩护，升起一个包装箱的盖子来挡住她的火，我俯冲着滑过地板。我侧身躺着，悄悄地钻进s.a.t.s，瞄准漂浮在木头下面穿着黑色防暴盔甲的母马。四枪爆头。然而令我懊恼的是，尽管她摇摇晃晃地向后退去，却没有一枪穿透她的身体。也许她有某种魔法保护？
It didn’t matter. I was going to kill her.
没关系。我要杀了她。
I had to.
我必须这么做。
I flung the lid at her as I struggled to my hooves. She was moving too, racing to the side towards the exit. I fired the remaining rounds in the magazine wildly as I got to my hooves. Leaning out into the tunnel, I almost lost my face to the shots she fired over each shoulder as she fled. Yet, despite this, I followed. The hot bullets bit into my combat armor, but none of them hit anything vital as I raced up the tunnel after her. I didn’t want her to get enough range on me that she could bring that sniper rifle to bear.
当我挣扎着用蹄子踢她时，我向她扔去了盖子。她也在移动，快速地跑向出口。当我到达我的蹄子的时候，我疯狂地在弹匣里发射了剩下的子弹。探身进入隧道，我几乎失去了我的脸，她开枪从每个肩膀，因为她逃跑。然而，尽管如此，我还是遵循了。热子弹穿透了我的战斗装甲，但是当我追着她冲进地道的时候，没有一颗子弹打中任何重要的东西。我不想让她在我身上获得足够的射程，以至于她可以使用狙击步枪。
“Blackjack, no!” yelled Scotch Tape, but it didn’t matter. Once I’d beaten her, I’d be okay. She was the one behind this. She was the one trying to keep me from realizing the truth. I hadn’t done anything wrong here after all. Whatever these computers had thought I’d done had been nothing. Maybe it was all an elaborate deception to keep me here!
"黑杰克，不!"苏格兰胶带，但没关系。一旦我打败了她，我就没事了。她才是幕后黑手。她是那个试图阻止我了解真相的人。毕竟我在这里没有做错任何事。不管这些计算机认为我做了什么，它们都不算什么。也许这一切都是为了把我困在这里而精心设计的骗局！
Whatever. No more nice mare.
随便了。再也没有漂亮的母马。
I leapt on her just as she exited the tunnel, my forelegs gripping her haunches. Her guns had opened a half dozen bleeding holes in my body, but my regeneration talismans were already at work. I used every bit of crushing power in my forelegs to latch on; she wasn’t going to get away again. Or was she? Before I could try and break her hips or blow out the back of her helmet with magic bullets, she twisted. Suddenly she was lying on her back and had all four hooves against my chest. One kick and I was sent flying.
就在她离开隧道的时候，我扑向她，我的前腿紧紧抓住她的臀部。她的枪在我身上打开了六个出血的洞，但我的再生护身符已经开始起作用了。我用尽了前腿上所有的力气去抓住她，她再也跑不掉了。或者她真的是？我还没来得及打断她的屁股，或者用魔法子弹打爆她的头盔，她就扭伤了。突然，她仰面躺着，四只蹄子都抵着我的胸口。一脚把我踢飞了。
Landing and sliding in the mud, I watched as she levitated out two more forty-round magazines for the submachineguns and loaded them simultaneously. I flung another gob of mud magically into her face, but unlike the stallion she raised a hoof to block it. Still, that was a few seconds she fired blind. I neatly crawled under the spray of fire, reloading Vigilance with armor piercing ammunition and slipping into S.A.T.S.; this time I targeted her weapons. Four bullets transformed one of the well-maintained arms into scrap. Too bad she had two.
在泥浆中着陆和滑行时，我看着她漂浮出两个四十多发的冲锋枪弹夹，同时给它们上膛。我又用魔法把一坨泥浆扔到她脸上，但是她不像那匹种马，她抬起蹄子挡住了泥浆。尽管如此，她还是盲目地射击了几秒钟。我利落地在火浪下爬行，用穿甲弹给警戒部队重新上膛，然后溜进特种空勤团;这次我瞄准了她的武器。四颗子弹把一个保养得很好的武器变成了废品。可惜她有两个。
She raced to the side for the cover of the unfinished building, and I wasted no time keeping up with her. She had rate of fire on her side; I had accuracy. She sprayed in tightly controlled bursts, keeping me constantly moving as I raced from cover to cover. I had to guesstimate when she would reload, and more than once I leapt out of cover only to get a good strafing with her bullets.
她赶紧跑到一边，登上《烂尾建筑志的封面，我立刻赶上了她。她的射击速度很快，我的准确度很高。她紧紧地控制着喷雾的喷射，让我不断地从一个地方跑到另一个地方。我不得不猜测她什么时候上子弹，不止一次我从掩体里跳出来，只为了用她的子弹好好地扫射一番。
The rain poured down upon us, the lightning flashing. It cast everything in terms of light and shadow. The mud slipped under my hooves as we battled frantically across the construction site. Screw deeper truths and higher meanings. All I wanted was to kill this mare that had invaded my dreams. Who had invaded my mind. She wasn’t a part of me. She was unclean, and I would remove her once and for all.
大雨倾盆而下，电闪雷鸣。它用光和影来投射一切。当我们在建筑工地上疯狂地战斗时，泥浆滑到了我的蹄子下面。去他妈的更深层的真理和更高层次的意义。我只想杀了这头闯进我梦里的母马。他侵入了我的思想。她不是我的一部分。她是不干净的，我要一劳永逸地除掉她。
I felt an opportunity and jumped out from behind a stack of barrels. She darted
我感觉到一个机会，从一堆桶后面跳了出来。她冲了过去
out ten feet away and aimed her submachinegun. I had her. She had me. I jumped into S.A.T.S. and queued the shots. Then there was a simultaneous ‘click’ from both our weapons. Her horn glowed in unison with mine. But we’d suddenly found ourselves out of ammunition.
然后瞄准了她的冲锋枪。我抓住她了。她有我。我跳进了s.a.t.s排队等着拍照。然后，我们的武器同时发出一声咔嗒声。她的号角与我的号角一致发光。但是我们突然发现我们的弹药用完了。
In a flash we were apart. She pulled the sniper rifle off her back. I levitated out the long-barreled revolvers and reloaded them as fast as I could. Then I was on the prowl. Looking for my enemy...
刹那间，我们分开了。她拔掉背上的狙击步枪。我把左轮手枪悬浮起来，尽可能快地重新上膛。然后我就四处游荡。寻找我的敌人..。
What the fuck was I doing?
我他妈的在干什么？
I sat down hard in the mud and took off my combat helmet. My head ached worse than ever, and I pressed my cold, muddy hooves to the sides of my head. This wasn’t real. None of this was real. I was lying in a mental institution, helpless, about to be killed by real threats, and here I was fighting a hallucination. I looked back at the tunnel, chewing my lip. I’d killed four Seekers. I had.
我在泥泞中艰难地坐了下来，摘下了战斗头盔。我的头比以往任何时候都疼得厉害，我把我那又冷又湿的蹄子贴在头的两侧。这不是真的。这一切都不是真的。我躺在精神病院里，无助地，即将被真正的威胁杀死，而现在我正在与幻觉作斗争。我回头看着隧道，咬着嘴唇。我杀了四个搜寻者。我有。
I returned to the mouth of the tunnel and stared down into it. I was a perfect sitting duck for the mare in black. You are an interesting dichotomy. Slowly, I walked back down, spotting Scotch Tape sitting in the corner, eyes on her hooves. I floated out Vigilance, the gun magically reloaded. This wasn’t real. I had to remember that... I stood before the door. I saw the Seeker I had chased down here. This time, I listened. “Die, Security!” In slow motion I killed him, watching him fall.
我回到隧道口，低头凝视着它。我是那匹穿黑色的母马的最佳猎物。你是一个有趣的二分法。慢慢地，我走回去，看到角落里的透明胶带，眼睛盯着它的蹄子。我走出警戒队，枪神奇地重新上了子弹。这不是真的。我必须记住......我站在门前。我在这里看到了我追捕的探索者。这次，我听进去了。"去死吧，保安!"我用慢动作杀了他，看着他倒下。
First Seeker. I hadn’t seen her well. It was dark, even with my light spell and a fire burning in the corner. Wait. A fire? When had there been a fire? I supposed even Seekers needed to warm up and get a fresh meal. There’d been bedrolls for three. Piles of scrap and other salvage in the corner, too. Movement from the second Seeker. I didn’t even see his face before my reflexive kick smashed his muzzle into his skull. Had he been saying something?
第一导引头。我没有好好地看她。天很黑，尽管我施了轻咒，角落里还燃烧着火焰。等等。火灾？什么时候发生过火灾？我想即使是搜寻者也需要热身和得到一顿新鲜的饭菜。有三个人的铺盖卷。一堆堆的废料和其他废品也堆在角落里。来自第二个探索者的移动。我甚至没有看到他的脸，直到我的反身踢把他的枪口打进了他的头骨。他是不是说了什么？
Third Seeker. Coming out, rushing to attack me... no... rushing out to the fallen mare. She’s right there in front of me as I rise up. She screams... “No, Blackjack!” I smash my hooves down again, and again... and again...
第三个探索者。出来，冲向我...不...冲向堕落的母马。当我站起来的时候，她就在我面前。她尖叫着说:"不，黑杰克!"我一次又一次地猛踩我的蹄子...一次又一次..。
She’d been a Seeker. She had!
她曾经是个探索者。她做到了！
The mare in black erupted out of the shadows, a wicked knife plunging for my
黑色的母马从阴影中冲了出来，一把邪恶的刀子刺向我
chest. Reflexively I drew my own sword and blocked her slash. We reared up as one, locking our hooves together, my fingers tightening on her elbows as her fingers locked on mine. Our horns glowed as we slashed and parried and stabbed and blocked while spinning and swinging around wildly. The sword bit into her, drawing blood. The knife stabbed into me. I blasted her face with my magic bullets, and she turned around and used my same spell against me. Blood poured down my front as I moved my fingers from her elbows to her face mask.
胸部。下意识地，我拔出了自己的剑，挡住了她的砍伐。我们像一个人一样站起来，我们的蹄子紧紧地扣在一起，我的手指紧紧地放在她的胳膊肘上，她的手指紧紧地抓着我的胳膊。我们的角闪闪发光，因为我们削减和闪避，刺刀和阻挡，同时旋转和摇摆疯狂。剑刺进了她的身体，流出了鲜血。那把刀刺进了我的身体。我用我的魔法子弹打烂了她的脸，她转过身来，用我的咒语对付我。当我把手指从她的肘部移到她的面罩上时，鲜血从我的前面倾泻而下。
With my fingers locked on her mask, I put my rear hooves on her chest. The weight heaved her above me as I pulled and pulled and finally the helmet came off! She went flying back into a stack of pallets as I rose, lifting the sword. I charged the distance, ready to finish it! I reared up, put my forelegs on her shoulders, and lifted the sword to plunge it into her chest.
我的手指紧紧抓住她的面具，把后蹄放在她的胸前。当我拉啊拉，最后头盔掉了下来的时候，重量把她举到了我头上！我站起来，举起剑，她飞快地回到一堆托盘里。我冲过了距离，准备完成它！我站起来，把前腿放在她的肩膀上，举起剑插进她的胸膛。
Into my chest.
进入我的胸膛。
I looked down into a mirror. Cybernetic eyes glared up at me as her lips spread wide. “Go on. Do it. This is what you want. This is what you fucking excel at!” She spat at me as I hesitated.
我低头看着一面镜子。电脑控制的眼睛瞪着我，她的嘴唇张得很大。"继续。动手吧。这就是你想要的。这就是你他妈擅长的!"我犹豫时，她向我吐了一口唾沫。
“No. This... this isn’t right. You aren’t me,” I muttered weakly as the sword fell beside me. I backed slowly away. This was a trick. It had to be. The tunnel gave an ominous rumble as I backed off and she advanced.
"没有。这...这样不对。"你不是我,"当剑落在我身边时，我虚弱地咕哝着。我慢慢地后退。这是个骗局。肯定是的。当我后退时，隧道发出一种不祥的隆隆声，她向前走去。
“Will you wake up and face reality?” she asked, rolling her eyes. “You’re a butcher. You’re a fucking beast. A mechanical monster of mutilation and mayhem. Rampage doesn’t have shit on us!” she said with a laugh as her horn lifted the sword and rested it on her shoulder. “All I am is brave enough to admit it. Because I am sick of this ‘Security’ bullshit. It’s gotten us nothing... absolutely nothing... but shot, stabbed, and really pissed off.”
"你会醒来面对现实吗?"她翻着白眼问道。"你是个屠夫。你他妈就是个畜生。残缺不全的机械怪物。我们根本不是狂暴分子的对手!"她笑着说，她的号角举起剑，放在她的肩膀上。"我只是勇敢地承认了这一点。因为我已经厌倦了这种安全的废话。它什么也没有给我们带来......绝对什么也没有......除了枪击、刺伤，还有真正的愤怒。"
“I am not a monster,” I said slowly as I backed away. She trotted forward step by step, tapping my sword against her neck. Bright lights glowed in the depths of her eyes as she wore the causal grin I’d lost so long ago. “I save ponies...”
"我不是一个怪物,"我慢慢地说，然后退了回去。她一步一步地向前小跑，用我的剑轻轻地敲打着她的脖子。当她带着我很久以前丢失的随意的笑容时，她的眼睛深处闪烁着明亮的光芒。"我拯救小马......"
“Oh, will you give it up?” she said, sitting and waving her hooves in the air. “You don’t save jack shit. You couldn’t save your home. You couldn’t save your friends. You couldn’t save water in a frigging rainstorm! You fuck up everypony you come across. P-21. Glory. Rampage. Dusty Trails. Caprice. Bottlecap. Priest. The list goes on and fucking on! Can you name one pony in all the Wasteland
"哦，你会放弃吗?"她说，坐在那里，挥舞着她的蹄子。"你什么都没救。你救不了你的家。你救不了你的朋友。在该死的暴风雨中你连水都节约不了！你搞砸了你遇到的每一匹小马。P-21.晨辉。横冲直撞。尘土飞扬的小径。反复无常。Bottlecap.牧师。这样的例子不胜枚举！你能说出一匹小马的名字吗
that you’ve met and not complicated their lives all to hell? You just bump into a Celestia-damned zebra and ruin her life forever!”
而不是把他们的生活搞得一团糟？你只是撞上了天堂该死的斑马，永远毁了她的生活!"
“That’s not my fault!” I protested. “All that happened because... because...”
"那不是我的错!"我抗议道。"所有这一切都是因为......因为......"
“I know. I know. EC-1101,” she sneered, before she opened the port on her leg to show her own PipBuck. “You want to know what we should have done with this? We should have left it in Tenpony. Left it with somepony who had a clue. Maybe signed on with them as a guard. But no, you had to be a fucking hero. You had to come back! You just couldn’t accept that this fucking death magnet is more than you can handle.” She snorted as she grinned at me. “Actually, you should have just given it up to Deus. You saw he’d fucked the Overmare. Make sure he took her with him and thank you very much.”
"我知道。我知道。"EC-1101,"她冷笑着说，然后打开腿上的接口，展示她自己的PipBuck。"你想知道我们应该怎么处理这个吗？我们应该把它留在Tenpony。留给了一个有线索的小马。也许和他们签约当守卫。但是不，你必须成为一个他妈的英雄。你必须回来！你就是不能接受这个该死的死亡磁铁超出了你的承受能力。"她对我咧嘴一笑，哼了一声。"事实上，你应该把它交给天王。你看到他操了奥佛马。一定要让他带上她，非常感谢。"
I finally reached a wall and clenched my eyes shut. “Why... why are you saying this? You know I couldn’t have done that...”
我终于走到一堵墙边，紧闭双眼。"为什么......你为什么这么说？你知道我不可能那么做......"
She trotted away. “No! Of course not. You had to have your whole little adventure, didn’t you? Your little secrets and mysteries. You bitch and moan, but I notice you haven’t given up, no matter how much you complain or suffer for it.” She whirled and pointed a hoof at me, her voice firm and sure. “And you seem to think that putting yourself through pain and misery somehow makes up for your fuck ups. Well it doesn’t, Blackjack. The only way you are going to survive is if you are me. Stop giving a fuck. Stop pretending to care, and stop trying to be better. You’re not better... not a better person. You’re scum. You’re a killer. Big Daddy had you pegged perfectly from the start. And if you don’t become like me, then you’re a corpse.”
她小跑着离开了。"不！当然不是。你一定要经历你的小冒险，不是吗？你的小秘密和秘密。你又是抱怨又是呻吟，但我注意到，无论你为此抱怨或遭受多少痛苦，你都没有放弃。"她转过身来，用蹄子指着我，声音坚定而坚定。"你似乎认为，让自己经历痛苦和不幸，某种程度上可以弥补你的失败。不是这样的，Blackjack。你能活下来的唯一方法就是你是我。别他妈的在乎。停止假装关心，停止试图变得更好。你不是更好...不是一个更好的人。你这个人渣。你是个杀手。大老爹从一开始就把你盯得死死的。如果你不像我一样，那你就是一具尸体。"
I stared at her for the longest time, tears running down my cheeks. She was a monster. A female Deus; hard, cruel, and indifferent. She’d thrive in the Wasteland. No shame. No remorse. No regret. She was fucking perfect. I couldn’t imagine why she hadn’t just killed me from the outset.
我盯着她看了很长时间，泪水顺着脸颊流了下来。她是个怪物。女性上帝;冷酷、残忍、冷漠。她会在荒原中茁壮成长。没什么好羞耻的。没有悔恨。没有遗憾。她太他妈完美了。我无法想象她为什么不从一开始就杀了我。
Then I looked at the last Harbinger I’d killed and closed my eyes again. Not trying to kill me. I looked back at my other self evenly. “You’re trying to protect me, aren’t you?”
然后我看着最后一个被我杀死的先驱者，再次闭上了眼睛。不是想杀我。我平静地回头看看另一个自己。"你是想保护我，对吧?"
The sneer slowly melted away. I closed my eyes. “I did something in here. Something... bad. Something really bad. And you’re trying to keep me from figuring it out... because you know there’s only three choices when you screw up
冷笑声慢慢地消失了。我闭上了眼睛。"我在这里做了些事情。一些...不好的事。非常糟糕的事情。你试图阻止我弄清楚...因为你知道当你搞砸的时候只有三个选择
that much. You try and do better... you harden so you don’t care... or you die.” I took a slow, deep breath. “I need to know the truth. And if it kills me... or breaks me... or hardens me... then that’s what happens.”
那么多。你努力做得更好......你变得坚强，所以你不在乎......否则你就会死。"我慢慢地深吸了一口气。"我需要知道真相。如果它杀了我......或者让我崩溃......或者让我变得冷酷......那么就会发生这样的事。"
“Please,” the other me begged softly. I saw the tears in her eyes. “It’s bad. It’s really bad.”
"求你了,"另一个我温柔地乞求着。我看到她眼中的泪水。"这很糟糕。真的很糟糕。"
I smiled. “It always is.” And then I slowly rose. The mare in black backed away as I walked to stand before the fallen Seekers.
我笑了。"一直都是。"然后我慢慢地站起来。当我走过去站在倒下的搜寻者面前时，那匹黑色的母马后退了。
Die Security. Bang. Mare appears. Bang. Stallion comes on behind. Kick. Last Seeker appears. Crush.
DieSecurity.砰。母马出现了。砰。种马紧随其后。踢。最后一个探索者出现了。粉碎。
No...
不..。
Die Security. Bang. Mare. Bang. Stallion. Kick...
DieSecurity.砰。母马。砰。种马。踢..。
Blackjack, No!
黑杰克，不！
Blackjack...
黑杰克..。
I lurched and staggered back, looking down at the last Seeker I’d killed. Only she hadn’t been a Seeker. The Seekers didn’t call me by my name. They called me Security. Only somepony who knew who I was would say that.
我跌跌撞撞地往回走，低头看着我杀死的最后一个探索者。只不过她不是一个探索者。搜索者没有叫我的名字。他们叫我保安。只有知道我是谁的小马才会这么说。
A young somepony...
一匹年轻的小马..。
I sat down hard and looked at the filly with the curly pink mane, like a miniature Pinkie Pie. Her face had been covered with Sugar Apple Bombs dust. ‘It’s called a grenade! It blows ponies up! Everypony knows that!’
我重重地坐了下来，看着那头卷曲的粉红色鬃毛的小母马，就像一个迷你的小手指饼。她的脸上布满了糖苹果炸弹的灰尘。"这叫手榴弹！它把小马都炸飞了！每个小马都知道
I’d never known what had become of Scoodle’s pink Crusader friend Boing.
我从来不知道史酷德的粉红色十字军朋友波因后来怎么样了。
“No... no no no no... no...” I muttered as I sank down, looking at her crushed body. I could see it all clearly now, the veil stripped away. The only Seeker was the one I’d chased down here. The mare and stallion were both Glory’s age; they looked like scavengers. They’d been in front of me, and I’d killed them. Had they actually been hostile? I would have if two strangers started shooting where I’d holed up. And I’d killed them just... like... that...
"不，不，不，不，不，不......"我低声咕哝着，看着她被压碎的身体。我现在可以清楚地看到这一切，面纱被揭开了。唯一的探索者就是我追到这里的那个。母马和种马都是格洛里的年龄，它们看起来像食腐动物。他们就在我面前，我杀了他们。他们真的有敌意吗？如果两个陌生人在我藏身的地方开枪，我会的。我杀了他们...就像...那样..。
The mare in black was gone, but she was right. I wished I hadn’t known. I put head between my hooves, hugging it. “I killed her... I killed her... I actually killed her...” I murmured softly.
那匹黑色的母马已经走了，但她是对的。我真希望我不知道。我把头放在蹄子中间，紧紧地抱着它。"我杀了她......我杀了她......我真的杀了她......"我轻声地说。
“Yes, you did,” Scotch Tape said softly as she trotted to my side.
"是的，你做到了,"苏格兰胶带轻轻地说，她小跑到我的身边。
“How... I couldn’t... I...” I started to shake. “Sweet Celestia... how... I...”
"我怎么...我不能...我..。。」我开始颤抖。"甜蜜的天堂......我.....。。」
“It happens. You’d just been attacked. You’re mentally exhausted. Please... please don’t break again,” Scotch Tape pleaded as she held me tight. “We’ve tried... I’ve tried... to help you remember so you can face it...”
"这种事时有发生。你刚被袭击了。你已经精疲力尽了。请......请不要再摔碎了,"苏格兰胶带恳求着，紧紧地抱着我。"我们已经尽力了......我已经尽力了......帮助你记起来，这样你就可以面对它......"
“How the hell am I supposed to face it?” I demanded and begged all at once, looking at her in anguish. “How do I ever go back to Chapel? How can I look Charity or any of the other Crusaders in the eyes again?” I was a Reaper. Killer. Monster. I’d always been afraid that when Glory brought me back I’d been wrong; unnatural and dangerous. Now I knew it for a certainty. I wasn’t part of the solution; I was part of the problem.
"我该怎么面对这一切?"我一面苦苦地望着她，一面又要求又乞求。"我怎么才能回到教堂呢？我怎样才能再次看起来像个慈善家或其他十字军战士呢?"我是个收魂者。杀手。怪物。我一直担心，当晨辉把我带回来的时候，我错了;不自然而且危险。现在我可以肯定地知道了。我不是解决方案的一部分，我是问题的一部分。
Scotch Tape held me in her little hooves, and despite everything I curled against her. “I can only tell you what your friend told you long ago: You do everything you can to make up for it, knowing that you’ll never succeed in getting rid of the guilt. You devote yourself to spending every second trying to do better despite the fact that it will never be enough. And you pray with every single good act you do that somehow, when your life is over, that you came close to making up for the wrong you committed.”
透明胶带把我裹在她的小蹄子里，尽管我把所有的东西都卷在她身上。"我只能告诉你你的朋友很久以前告诉你的:你尽一切努力去弥补，因为你知道你永远无法摆脱内疚。你把自己全身心地投入到每一分每一秒去努力做得更好，尽管事实上这永远都不够。当你的生命结束的时候，你祈祷你做的每一件好事都能弥补你犯下的错误。"
“I don’t know how anymore,” I whispered.
"我不知道该怎么办了,"我低声说。
She sighed and gave my foreleg a little squeeze. “Well then, here is my first suggestion. Admit you have a problem. Tell your friends everything. It’s not enough to say you won’t kill yourself. Promising that is easy. Admitting the depression and the fear is the real challenge. Secondly, stay by your friends. No matter how hard it may be... let them help you. You have a real self-destructive streak in you, Blackjack. You need help to deal with it. And lastly... get some sleep. You need it... and you know it.” She smiled at me. “Blackjack... I know that you’re a good person at your core. We went through your memories. I know you doubt yourself. I know you hate yourself. But you can be a great person if you give yourself a chance.”
她叹了口气，轻轻地捏了一下我的前腿。"那么，我的第一个建议是。承认你有问题。把一切都告诉你的朋友。光说你不会自杀是不够的。承诺这很容易。承认抑郁和恐惧才是真正的挑战。第二，和你的朋友呆在一起。不管这有多难......让他们帮助你。你真有自我毁灭的倾向Blackjack。你需要帮助来处理它。最后，好好睡一觉。你需要它......你知道的。"她冲我微笑。"黑杰克......我知道你内心深处是个好人。我们检查了你的记忆。我知道你怀疑自己。我知道你恨你自己。但如果你给自己一个机会，你可以成为一个伟大的人。"
“I killed a filly. Great people don’t do that,” I muttered. “I don’t know if I can live with this, Happyhorn.” The chamber was fading away. We were returning to that bleak darkness lit by only my magic spell.
"我杀了一匹小母马。伟大的人不会这么做,"我喃喃自语道。"我不知道我能不能忍受这个，哈比霍恩。"房间渐渐消失了。我们回到了那只有我的魔咒照亮的阴冷的黑暗中。
“Well, we’ll find out very quickly.” The darkness became my bedroom in the asylum, decayed now to match the rest of the Wasteland. I saw myself lying in a filthy bed with a strange gold wire mesh covering my head. Beside me were two scrapped Protectaponies, and three Seekers were standing by the bed. Some kind of machine blinked next to them. I’d been strapped in. A unicorn cautiously pressed a riot shotgun against my temple as she rose over me. I had a second, maybe two, and all my problems would become moot.
"嗯，我们很快就会知道的。"黑暗变成了我在精神病院的卧室，现在已经腐烂到和其余的荒原相匹配了。我看见自己躺在一张肮脏的床上，头上盖着一层奇怪的金丝网。在我旁边是两个废弃的保护箱，三个搜寻者站在床边。某种机器在他们旁边闪烁。我已经系好安全带了。一只独角兽小心翼翼地用一把散弹枪抵住我的太阳穴，她从我身上站了起来。我只有一秒钟，也许两秒钟，我所有的问题都变得毫无意义。
I deserved to die. It was appropriate punishment.
我死有余辜。这是适当的惩罚。
Punishment is not responsibility. If anypony was going to punish me, it would be a little yellow filly in a post office.
惩罚不是责任。如果有什么小马要惩罚我，那就是邮局里的一匹小黄马。
Ooooh... I was going to owe her every bottle cap I made for the rest of my life...
哦......我这辈子做的每一个瓶盖都要归功于她.....。
if she didn’t kill me first.
如果她没有先杀了我。
But for that, I needed to live long enough to tell her.
但是为了这个，我需要活到告诉她。
I could do that.
我可以这么做。
“Okay,” I said, studying the room, “I’m ready.” As ready as I would ever be. I had no idea what I would say to the real Scotch Tape... Glory... Charity... But I had three choices. And for me, there really was only one. I just wished I was certain which one it was.
"好的,"我边说边打量着房间,"我准备好了。"我已经准备好了。我不知道我会对真正的透明胶带说什么......晨辉......慈善......但是我有三个选择。对我来说，真的只有一个。我只是希望我能确定是哪一个。
The olive filly nodded, then frowned. Then she scowled. And finally her face turned blank with shock. “What is it?” I asked softly.
橄榄小姑娘点点头，然后皱起了眉头。然后她皱起了眉头。最后，她的脸因为震惊而变得呆滞。"这是什么?"我轻声问道。
“I... I can’t seem to deactivate while a simulation is running,” she said as she raced over to the machine next to the bed. “The Protectaponies would have to push the button to deactivate the simulation!”
"我.....。.当模拟器运行时，我似乎无法关闭它。"她一边说，一边跑向床边的机器。"保护者必须按下按钮才能关闭模拟器!"
And they were both scrap metal.
它们都是废金属。
“You mean I went through... gah... everything?! And I can’t wake up?” I said in disbelief.
"你是说我经历了......啊......一切?！我醒不过来了吗?"我难以置信地说。
“No. And there aren’t any Protectaponies who can get to my node to disconnect me from you. Not in the three seconds we have, assuming they could get there at all.” The olive earth pony stared off into space for a long moment. “There’s only one way... you have to disrupt my node yourself.”
"没有。没有任何保护者可以到达我的节点来断开我和你的联系。我们只有三秒钟时间，假设他们能够到达那里。"橄榄地球上的小马凝视着太空很长一段时间。"只有一个办法......你必须亲自扰乱我的淋巴结。"
I stared at her with a cold frisson going along my mane. “That sounds insanely similar to ‘you have to kill me’. So I know that’s not what you mean.” She closed her eyes. I jumped to my hooves, my weapons vanishing. “No. Fuck no! What is the fucking deal?! I finally... finally... accept what I did and... and you’re going to... This is crazy! This is some kind of crazy, fucked up, Goldenblood-fucking-with-my-mind simulation! Isn’t it?”
我冷冷地盯着她，沿着我的鬃毛看着。"这听起来与'你必须杀了我'极为相似。所以我知道你不是这个意思。"她闭上了眼睛。我跳上马蹄，我的武器消失了。"没有。当然不是！这他妈是怎么回事?！我终于......终于......接受了我所做的......而你将......这太疯狂了！这是某种疯狂的，混乱的，金色血液他妈的与我的思想模拟！不是吗?"
“I’m sorry, Blackjack.” She bowed her head.
"对不起，黑杰克。"她低下了头。
“No! Don’t be sorry. Because I’m not going to do it! N. O. Fucking no.” I sat down, sweeping my legs wide before I turned away from her and crossed my forelimbs in front of me.
"不！不用道歉。因为我不会这么做的！他妈的没有。"我坐了下来，双腿张开，然后转过身来，把前肢交叉放在面前。
“Blackjack,” she said softly as she trotted in front of me, “I was founded two hundred and four years ago to help mentally hurt and emotionally injured ponies. I have had two hundred and sixty eight patients. Do you know how many I counted as successes?” she asked as she put her hooves on my shoulders. I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. “One. One pony who I think might have a chance at a life and happiness. You. Everypony else died with the world, perished at their own hooves, or simply faded away broken and alone. You’re the first, and the last, patient that Happyhorn Gardens will ever treat. But if you stay here... then in three seconds, that won’t matter.”
"黑杰克,"她在我面前小跑着轻声说,"我成立于204年前，专门帮助受到精神伤害和情感伤害的小马。我有268个病人。你知道我认为有多少人是成功的吗?"她把蹄子搭在我肩上问道。我摇摇头，不相信自己会说话。"一个。一匹我认为可能有机会过上幸福生活的小马。你。每一匹小马都随着世界一起死去，或者死在自己的蹄下，或者只是破碎而孤独地消失。你是第一个，也是最后一个，哈比霍恩公园将要治疗的病人。但如果你呆在这里......那么三秒钟之内，这就不重要了。"
“You’re trying to guilt trip me into killing you to save myself,” I said.
"你想让我感到内疚，为了自救而杀了你,"我说。
“I’m trying to give you a chance. A chance like you give so many others,” the olive filly said.
"我只是想给你一个机会。一个像你一样的机会，给了这么多人,"橄榄小姑娘说。
“I don’t deserve it,” I whispered.
"我不配,"我低声说。
“I disagree,” she countered. Little hooves held mine. “I’ve seen the measure of your mind and heart. Please... give yourself one too.”
"我不同意,"她反驳道。小蹄子牵着我的手。"我已经看到了你的思想和心灵。请给自己也来一杯吧。"
I stared at her. I tried to summon up a gun... sword... knife... a magic bullet. “I… I can’t...” I stared at her in shock. “I... can’t make a weapon...”
我盯着她。我试着拿起一把枪...一把剑...一把刀...一颗神奇的子弹。"我.....。.我不能......"我震惊地盯着她。"我.....。.不能制造武器..."
“No. I think we’re both exhausted. The attackers have destroyed so much of the facility that I no longer have the hardware I’d need to support a change in my projected form. I hoped to take the shape of Sanguine... somepony you could kill easily. But I’m stuck like this,” she said. She bit her lip, then closed her eyes. “You know what you have to do...”
"没有。我想我们都累坏了。攻击者已经摧毁了如此多的设施，以至于我不再拥有支持改变计划形式所需的硬件。我希望变成血红色...一种你可以轻易杀死的小马。但我就是这样被困住了,"她说。她咬了咬嘴唇，然后闭上了眼睛。"你知道你必须做什么......"
“What do I...” I stammered, and then backed away. “No. Hell no! You... what... with my...” I thumped the sides of my head. This was a nightmare. A complete nightmare. I had to wake up! Please!
"我该怎么办。。」我结结巴巴地说，然后退开了。"没有。绝对不行！你......怎么......用我的......"我重重地敲了敲头的两侧。这真是一场噩梦。完全是一场噩梦。我必须醒过来！求你了！
But it wasn’t... and I didn’t.
但事实并非如此，我也没有。
“Please... do it,” she said in a whisper.
"求你了......去做吧,"她低声说。
I didn’t trust myself to speak. I tried so hard to summon a weapon. Something to make it quick and clean.
我不相信自己会说话。我那么努力地去召唤武器。一些快速干净的东西。
But I had a way. And I knew it would work. I knew because I’d used it before.
但我有办法。我知道这会奏效的。我知道是因为我以前用过它。
I stood before her, looking down at her. “Goodbye, Happyhorn.”
我站在她面前，低头看着她。"再见，哈比霍恩。"
“Goodbye, Blackjack,” she said. And before I could hesitate a moment longer I reared up.
"再见，黑杰克,"她说。我还没来得及犹豫片刻，就站起来了。
One...
一..。
Two...
二..。
Thr--
Thr --
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
The machine beside my bed sparked, the glowing gems on the front panel blasting a curtain of multicolored sparks over me and the unicorn about to execute me. I had neither the time nor the desire to think about what I had just done. For once, I was immensely thankful that I had three ponies on the verge of killing me; it allowed me to focus very efficiently indeed.
我床边的机器点燃了火花，前面板上闪闪发光的宝石在我身上爆炸出五颜六色的火花，独角兽就要杀死我了。我既没有时间也没有欲望去思考我刚刚做了什么。这一次，我非常感激我的三匹小马差点要了我的命，它让我能够非常有效地集中注意力。
The explosion of the equipment made the unicorn mare beside my bed back away. The barrel of the gun lifted from my temple as my eyes popped open.
设备的爆炸使我床边的独角兽母马后退。枪管从我的太阳穴上升起，我的眼睛睁得大大的。
Fortunately, I was very used to this model of shotgun; my magic cleanly flicked on the safety even as her eyes widened in horror and she pulled the trigger. One of the other two, an earth pony, held a ten millimeter automatic in his mouth; all I had to do was jerk his weapon two inches to the side and his tongue fired the bullet meant for me into the underside of her chin. Her horn winked out as she started yelling incoherently in pain, staggering back.
幸运的是，我对这种型号的猎枪已经习以为常了;我的魔法干净利落地打开了保险，即使她惊恐地睁大了眼睛，扣动了扳机。另外两个中的一个，一匹地球上的小马，嘴里衔着一把10毫米口径的自动手枪;我所要做的就是把他的武器往边上推两英寸，他的舌头朝她下巴下面开了一枪。她开始痛得语无伦次地大喊大叫，摇摇晃晃地向后退去。
My magic surrounded the shotgun and flicked the safety back off, then swung it around towards the two earth ponies standing at the foot of my bed. The one with the automatic clenched his jaw too late to correct his aim. The shotgun was loaded with antipersonnel flechettes; the tiny needles transformed his face into blood and muscle. He got off a round as his head dipped; it bit deep in my belly, not enough to kill, but enough to hurt. Good. I needed that hurt. My second shot finished him. The other earth pony was bringing the shiny new assault carbines on his battle saddle to bear, but there was one problem: the hospital bed I was on was higher than the rifles mounted at his sides.
我的魔法包围了猎枪，把保险打开，然后把它转向站在我床脚的两匹土地上的小马。那个拿着自动手枪的人咬紧牙关已经太晚了，无法纠正他的目标。散弹枪里装满了杀伤性弹片，细小的针头把他的脸变成了血和肌肉。他头低了一下，打了一发子弹;子弹在我肚子里有点深，不足以致命，但足以使我受伤。很好。我需要那种痛苦。我的第二枪结果了他。另一匹地球上的小马把闪亮的新式突击卡宾枪放在他的战斗马鞍上，但是有一个问题:我躺在医院的病床上，比他身边架着的步枪还要高。
His bullets clattered and popped off the bed frame and thumped into the mattress I lay upon. I slipped into S.A.T.S., and two perfect shots utterly decapitated him. I remembered that pit... all the faceless, headless ponies. I magically undid the restraints holding me to the bed and rolled off; I’d seen Harpica do it so many times that it only took me a few seconds. I looked at the tiny faded pegasi on the ceiling and the pastel fillies gamboling on the walls, and then I looked down at the rusty red discoloration on my hooves.
他的子弹噼里啪啦地打在床架上，砰地一声打在我躺着的床垫上。我溜进了s.a.t.s.，两记完美的射门将他斩首。我记得那个坑...所有那些没有脸，没有头的小马。我奇迹般地解开了把我绑在床上的束缚，滚了下来;我见过哈皮卡这样做很多次，只花了我几秒钟。我看着天花板上褪了色的飞马座和墙上跳跃的柔和小雌马，然后低头看着我蹄子上生锈的红色斑点。
There was a tiny strand of curly pink mane stuck to one.
有一小股卷曲的粉红色的鬃毛粘在一个上面。
I looked at the brown unicorn mare who stared up at me as she crawled and kicked her way back into the corner. The bullet had probably shattered her jaw. I moved right up to her as she started breathing faster and faster, absolutely certain that I was about to kill her. Instead, I did something worse. Something infinitely worse.
我看着那匹棕色的独角兽母马，她一边爬一边踢回到角落里，她一直盯着我。子弹可能打碎了她的下巴。当她开始呼吸越来越快时，我径直走向她，绝对肯定我要杀了她。相反，我做了更糟糕的事情。更糟糕的事情。
I grabbed her, held her tight, and bawled like a baby for five minutes, bleeding all over her as my body slowly knitted. I’m not exactly sure what I babbled between racking sobs, but I’m fairly sure that if there was any doubt as to my sanity, it was immediately lost. I wept and shuddered and clung to her tightly, and she looked so stunned that she didn’t even move. Finally, I pulled myself together.
我抓住她，紧紧地抱住她，像个婴儿一样嚎啕大哭了五分钟，血流得她全身都是，我的身体慢慢地紧绷起来。我不是很确定我哭泣的时候说了些什么，但是我相当确定如果有任何关于我的精神状态的怀疑，那么我的精神状态马上就会消失。我哭泣着，颤抖着，紧紧地抱着她，她看起来如此震惊，甚至没有动弹。最后，我振作起来。
“Sorry... I, um... sorry...” I said as I wiped my nose. She just blinked as I looked around and saw my saddlebags stashed in the far corner. I carefully collected the dropped automatic; it was a sign of how shocked the wounded mare had been that she hadn’t taken it and shot me in the back. “Look, I know we both wanted this to go another way, right?” I stood and backed away, putting on my armor and stripping what I could from the bodies. “You didn’t want to get shot...” And they wanted me dead... “So... um... why don’t we make a deal? You don’t tell anypony I cried all over you and I won’t... um... tell anypony you got shot. Deal?”
"对不起......我，嗯......对不起......"我擦着鼻子说。我环顾四周，看到我的鞍囊藏在远处的角落里，她只是眨了眨眼。我小心翼翼地捡起掉在地上的自动手枪，这表明受伤的母马对她没有拿走枪并从背后向我开枪感到多么震惊。"听着，我知道我们都希望事情朝着另一个方向发展，对吧?"我站起来后退了几步，穿上盔甲，尽可能地把尸体上的东西剥下来。"你不想被枪杀..."他们想要我死..."所以...嗯...我们为什么不做个交易呢？你不能告诉任何小马我为你哭了我也不会...嗯...告诉任何小马你中枪了。成交吗?"
Her bulging brown eyes rolled back in her sockets as she promptly passed out.
她突出的棕色眼睛在眼窝里翻滚，然后迅速昏迷过去。
Well, with any luck, I hadn’t just cursed her with my hug of doom. I made sure she had at least one healing potion on her for when she awoke.
好吧，幸运的话，我不只是诅咒她我的拥抱的厄运。我确保她身上至少有一瓶治疗药水，以防她醒来。
Then I heard a click from the doorway.
然后我听到门口传来咔嗒一声。
Sweet Celestia... how many others was I going to have to kill today?
甜蜜的天堂...今天我还要杀多少人？
I dared a glance over my shoulder at an blue earth pony stallion with two assault rifles on his battle saddle. He’d definitely gotten the drop on me. If I turned around I could get him with S.A.T.S. and magic bullets... maybe. But something was different as he stared at me. Something familiar and yet utterly out of place. His eyes widened as he looked at my... was he checking out my butt? My cyberlegs? He wasn’t grinning, though; if anything, he appeared horrified. I’d never seen him before, but he seemed to know me beyond being the mare he was supposed to kill.
我从肩膀上向后看了一眼一匹蓝色大地上的种马，它的马鞍上架着两支突击步枪。他绝对比我厉害。如果我转过身去，我可以用s.a.t.s和魔法子弹抓住他...也许吧。但是当他盯着我的时候，有些东西不一样了。一些熟悉却又完全不合时宜的东西。他睁大了眼睛，看着我的...他是在看我的屁股吗？我的电脑腿？不过他并没有咧嘴笑，如果有什么不同的话，那就是他看起来很害怕。我以前从来没有见过他，但他似乎知道我超过了他应该杀死的母马。
“Nails! Hey! Did they find and cap her?” somepony yelled from next door.
"钉子！嘿！他们找到她并杀了她吗?"有匹小马在隔壁大叫。
He just stared at me for the longest time, then backed slowly out into the hall. He tried to speak, but his voice cracked. Then he swallowed. “No! I just saw her go out the north entrance!” he yelled in a high, tense voice.
他只是盯着我看了很长时间，然后慢慢退回到大厅里。他试图说话，但声音嘶哑。然后他咽了口唾沫。"不！我刚才看见她从北门出去了!"他用一种很高很紧张的声音喊道。
“Fuck, are you sure? We’ll never find her if she gets into the Mire! Shit,” the other stallion swore, starting to whistle. I heard sounds of hooves a floor above me and out in the courtyard.
"操，你确定吗？如果她上了沼泽，我们永远也找不到她！"妈的,"另一匹种马骂道，开始吹起口哨。我听到楼上和院子里有马蹄声。
He just looked at me and then trotted to the unconscious unicorn. Slowly, he heaved her onto his back.
他只是看了我一眼，然后小跑着去找那只失去知觉的独角兽。他慢慢地把她背在背上。
“Why... why help me?” I asked, but he didn’t answer.
"为什么......为什么要帮我?"我问，但他没有回答。
On his way out, he paused in the doorway. He glanced over his shoulder at me. “Sorry...” And with that, he was leaving as well. There were shouts and calls of ‘north’ from outside, and I even heard the faint rumble of the tank.
出去的时候，他在门口停了下来。他回头看了我一眼。"对不起......"说完，他也要走了。外面传来了北方的呼喊声，我甚至听到了坦克发出的微弱的隆隆声。
After a few minutes, I stepped out into the halls. Protectaponies lay in heaps, sentries smoldered, and the brown waterlogged walls were pocked with bullet holes and broken from explosions. Slowly I walked back to the smoking machine beside my bed. I took the piece of pink mane still stuck to my hoof and tied it in a bow on the top of the box. Then I leaned in and kissed the metal casing softly.
几分钟后，我走进大厅。防御工事堆成一堆堆，岗哨冒着烟，褐色的浸满水的墙上布满了弹孔和爆炸造成的破损。我慢慢地走回床边的吸烟机。我把那片还粘在蹄子上的粉红色鬃毛打成蝴蝶结，系在箱子顶上。然后我靠过去，轻轻地吻了一下金属外壳。
“So. You did it again,” Dealer rasped quietly.
"所以。"你又来了,"庄家粗声粗气地说。
I looked at him standing beside the door. Slowly I reached out a hoof and dragged it along the faded and water stained foals painted on the walls. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific. I do a lot of things.” I kept my voice low, not able to raise it just now. It was like a horrible dream. I wished all of it had simply been a dream. “Kill fillies. Face horrors. Feel guilty. Fight pointless battles for no reason. I do it all.”
我看着他站在门边。我慢慢地伸出一只蹄子，拖着它走过那些画在墙上褪色的水渍斑斑的小马驹。"你必须说得更具体一点。我做了很多事情。"我压低了声音，刚才没办法提高音量。这就像一个可怕的梦。我希望这一切只是一场梦。"杀死小雌马。脸上的恐惧。感到内疚。毫无理由地进行毫无意义的战斗。我什么都做。"
“Mmmm... you overlook one thing, Blackjack,” he said with a tired, sad smile. “You endure.”
"嗯......你忽略了一件事，黑杰克,"他带着疲倦而悲伤的微笑说。"你忍耐着。"
I looked at him, the ghost in my PipBuck. Maybe I did. Maybe I was like coal and the Hoof was simply increasing the pressure more and more till I combusted or... didn’t coal magically become something else? Rubies? Rubies came from coal, right? “I need a place to sleep. Any ideas?” I asked wearily, knowing that it wouldn’t be a pleasant rest... but it would be rest.
我看着他，那个在我皮布克里的鬼魂。也许是吧。也许我就像煤炭，霍夫只是简单地增加压力，越来越多，直到我燃烧起来，或者...煤炭不是神奇地变成了别的什么东西吗？红宝石？红宝石来自煤炭，对吧？"我需要一个睡觉的地方。有什么想法吗?"我疲倦地问道，我知道这不会是一个愉快的休息......但它会是休息。
“Head southeast of here. On the south side of Black Pony Mountain, there’s a house. It should be safe to catch some sleep there,” he rasped as he tugged his hat down over his eyes. “After that, Hightower? Or are you going to take my advice and leave? Go find a life at Tenpony? Help LittlePip deal with her monsters? Get the fuck out of the Hoof?”
"朝东南方向走。在黑马驹山的南边，有一座房子。在那儿睡觉应该是安全的,"他一边用力把帽子拉到眼睛上，一边粗声粗气地说。"在那之后，海托华？还是接受我的建议离开？去Tenpony找生活？帮小pip对付她的怪物？你他妈的给我滚出来
I looked at the scorched machine and the little bit of pink. Really, it was the smart thing to do. I knew it. Anyone that lived in the Hoof knew it. But...
我看着烧焦的机器和一点点的粉红色。真的，这是明智之举。我就知道。住在霍夫的人都知道。但是..。
“Come on, Dealer. You know I’m not smart enough to do that,” I said with a tired smile of my own, resting my head against the wall a moment. A bit of gratitude for a place of healing that had helped. I’d made a horrible mistake, but once more I’d dodged my own self-destructive urges. I had a problem, one every bit as horrible as the addiction P-21 had fought. But he’d faced his nightmares. How could I do any less?
"来吧，商人。你知道我不够聪明，做不到这一点,"我说，脸上带着疲倦的微笑，把头靠在墙上一会儿。对一个曾经有所帮助的治愈之地表示一点感激。我犯了一个可怕的错误，但是我又一次逃避了自我毁灭的冲动。我遇到了一个问题，就像P-21战斗机上瘾一样可怕。但是他已经面对了他的噩梦。我怎么能做得更少呢？
The walk out was a bit surreal. Most of the bodies had been stripped by their fellows; Wasteland looting instinct, I supposed. Still, I found some more ammo for my guns. I stood at the intact fountain by the entrance and washed my hooves of the blood, though they’d probably always be stained. I’d never be able to pretend otherwise.
这次出场有点超现实。大部分的尸体都被他们的同伴剥光了，我猜想是出于掠夺荒地的本能。尽管如此，我还是为我的枪找到了一些弹药。我站在入口处完好无损的喷泉边，清洗我的血蹄，尽管它们可能永远都是脏的。否则我永远也无法假装。
I looked around the blasted halls. I half expected to wake up, meet with Sanguine, and listen to a talk about how I had regressed, followed by an exploration of my ‘interesting dichotomy’. I half wanted to step into the courtyard just to make certain there was no concert planned. But there was nothing here; the dream was over. I was awake. I was back...
我环顾了一下那该死的大厅。我有一半的期望是醒来，和Sanguine见面，听一个关于我如何倒退的演讲，然后探讨我的有趣的二分法。我有点想走进院子里，确认一下没有什么音乐会计划。但是这里什么也没有，梦想结束了。我是醒着的。我回来了..。
I guess happiness would be far too much to expect, and more than I deserved.
我觉得幸福远远超出了我的期望，也超出了我应得的。
As I walked out of the asylum, I looked north at the distant lights of the Seekers as they went off in the wrong direction. Slowly, I trotted south towards the parking lot. The large and stately building that had been my home for the last few weeks of a dream had been almost completely demolished. Almost nothing of the roof remained, and one whole end had been collapsed completely. I passed by a plaque; it’d been dinged up pretty badly, but I could still read it even in the early morning darkness.
当我走出精神病院的时候，我向北看着远处的探索者号的灯光，因为他们走错了方向。慢慢地，我朝南边的停车场跑去。在过去几个星期里，我梦想中的家一直是一座宏伟的大楼，现在它几乎完全被拆毁了。屋顶几乎没有留下任何东西，整个一端已经完全坍塌。我路过一块牌匾，上面的凹痕很严重，但即使在清晨的黑暗中，我仍然可以看到它。
‘Happyhorn Gardens: May all find peace and healing within’.
幸福之角花园:愿所有人都能找到内心的平静与疗愈。
I touched it gently and moved away to the southeast. Maybe I had. A little. More than I deserved...
我轻轻地碰了碰它，然后向东南方向移动。也许是吧。一点点。超过了我应得的。
 
Footnote: New Quest Perk: Rationality: You can now sleep successfully and will no longer suffer penalties for sleep deprivation.
脚注:新任务额外能力:合理性:你现在可以成功睡眠，并且不再受到睡眠剥夺的惩罚。
Author's Notes:
作者笔记:
(Author’s notes: Thank you for suffering through this long and odd chapter. I hope it was bearable. I want to thank Kkat for her creation of FoE in the first place, Hinds, Bronode, and Snipehamster for making this worth reading at all. I’d also like to thank Mint Julep for convincing me not to scrap this chapter entirely. I hope that everything went well. I can’t wait to read comments and feedback. If anypony has monies to spare, the tip jar is located at paypal to David13ushey@gmail.com. Every bit is appreciated. Thank you for reading.) (Also... a lot of people have asked me about Cadence, Chrysalis, and changelings in general. The fact is that I had a few problems with the finale and really, if I did put them in, it would be quite a bit of shoehorning. So I’m not going to mention them at all. If somepony else wants to use them for their own FoE fic, I certainly won’t be.) (New note: Clearly, anyone who's read the story on Gdocs knows I'm a frigging liar.)
(作者的笔记:感谢你经历了这漫长而奇怪的一章。我希望这还可以忍受。首先，我要感谢Kkat创建了FoE，Hinds，Bronode和Snipehamster，感谢她让这篇文章值得一读。我也要感谢薄荷朱利普说服我不要完全放弃这一章。我希望一切顺利。我迫不及待地想看到评论和反馈。如果有多余的钱，小费罐可以通过paypal转到david13ushey@gmail.com。每一点都值得赞赏。谢谢你的阅读。)(还有......很多人问我有关凯登丝、蝶蛹和换生灵的问题。事实上，我在最后一集中遇到了一些问题，真的，如果我真的把它们放进去，那将会是一个相当艰难的过程。所以我根本不打算提及它们。如果其他人想把它们用于自己的敌人，我肯定不会。)(新提示:显然，任何读过Gdocs的故事的人都知道我是个该死的骗子。)
(Also new Note: Also, I have a patreon. All bits help. Really. They're hugely appreciated right now.)
(另外，我还有一个。所有的部分都有帮助。真的。他们现在非常感激。)